Depths of the Mind Part II | Teen Ink

Depths of the Mind Part II

September 12, 2012
By mystyksuniverse GOLD, Tuolumne, California
mystyksuniverse GOLD, Tuolumne, California
10 articles 0 photos 12 comments

Favorite Quote:
When I, the People, learn to remember, when I, the People, use the lessons of yesterday and no longer forget who robbed me last year, who played me for a fool--then there will be no speaker in all the world say the name: "The People," with any fleck of a sneer in his voice or any far-off smile of derision. The mob--the crowd--the mass--will arrive then. – Carl Sandburg


READ DESCRIPTION FIRST

He lies still beside me, moonlight spilling over his smooth skin and broad shoulders and reflecting off the beads of his necklace. His breathing echoes in the silence, too quiet to offer comfort or reassurance in the darkness. He pulls the blanket closer to his chest, turns, and sighs. Even from behind, his magnificence radiates like heat off the asphalt on a hot summer’s day. How I wish he would hold me with his muscular arms, kiss my forehead with his sweet lips, yet my cries fall on deaf ears. He rubs his clean-shaven head and mumbles incoherently before sighing and pulling the rest of the covers into his grasp.

Silent as a ghost, I sit up and place my feet on the floor. Moving on habit, my hand reaches for my tin, full of Vicodin. How I saved and fought for these, yet they remain in my tin unused. Doubt fills my mind as I consider maybe it’s not worth it, perhaps I shouldn’t. One after another, the pills float down my throat like small boats racing down a waterfall. Full of pharmaceuticals, I stand and shakily make my way to the bathroom, looking in the mirror.

Cheeks sunken in, lips pale and dry, eyes lifeless – how does he not see this? Flaws trail through my mind, strengthening my resolve as tears spill from my eyes. I rip open the drawer and rummage in a tear-filled fury until it surfaces. I break the razor, impatient for release, and press the blade to my thigh. The knife slices through my buttercream skin, blood spilling out in a beautiful crimson cascade. Again and again, the razor blade cuts with ease and releases new fountains of blood.

The blade falls from my fingers as I step away from the bloody sink. My reflection shows a gory mess – an emaciated, mutilated human being. I walk through the door, leaving droplets of blood along the floor. Floorboards creak beneath my feet, the cat scurries through the shadows, an evening breeze floats through the window. I push the door open and shuffle silently to the side of the bed. Eternal darkness lurks along the edges of my vision, urging me into the bed. He lies on his back now, sprawled out as he does when I leave his side. I cuddle up next to him, feeling the pull of Vicodin, inviting me into a sleep I know I won’t wake up from. My blood smears across his chest, glistening in the bright moonlight. I close my eyes and give in, too tired to fight on any longer.


The author's comments:
A continuation of Depths of the Mind Part I, this piece helped me clear my mind and decide it was best to leave my now ex-boyfriend. Rather gruesome and gory, it contains drug use and self harming. Do not read if you find either of these offensive.

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This article has 2 comments.


on Nov. 12 2013 at 4:45 pm
vegetariangirl, Hamilton, Ohio
0 articles 0 photos 92 comments

Favorite Quote:
Being normal is boring - Marilyn Monroe<br /> You only live once -?<br /> A professional writer is an amateur who didn&#039;t quit -Richard Bach

Your story keeps on getting better and better for each part I read! Still good descriptive everything!

on Oct. 30 2012 at 5:02 am
Snowflakes SILVER, Lichfield, Other
6 articles 0 photos 91 comments

Favorite Quote:
I&#039;m afraid so. You&#039;re entirely bonkers. But I&#039;ll tell you a secret. All the best people are. - Alice In Wonderland

I really liked this. I could feel every depth of emotion with every word that I read, it was very moving. I like how you portrayed the two characters. The guy remains peaceful and asleep, while the girl has literally given up the will to live. It highlights how blind people can be when it comes to others suffering, and how in this case, the guy LITERALLY needs to open his eyes. I really likd how you did that. 
The ending is kind of eerie. A sweet image - despite what's just happened - comes to mind, at the two of them curled up. But if anyone reads this like me, you get thoughts on what will happen next, and how the guy will respond. That's very good in your writing - it's kind of like a cliffhanger.
Good job with both of these parts, they show such a deep difference in your 'mind' I guess, as if one part of you is fighting (trying to get away from the Jackal) but the other is giving in.
I loved them!