December Dawn | Teen Ink

December Dawn

December 6, 2012
By CariePierce BRONZE, Lancaster, Pennsylvania
CariePierce BRONZE, Lancaster, Pennsylvania
3 articles 0 photos 48 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Imagination rules the world." -Napoleon Bonaparte

The first snowflake settles on his nose in the bitter cold dawn. A sunrise paints its dusty colours across the city horizon, ominous and threatening from his lonely perch. High, so high above them all, above the city-dwellers. The early risers moving quietly through the atmosphere of silence befalling upon them all. He will stand undisturbed, rooted to his rooftop dwelling. His breaths are almost nonexistence, the rise and fall of his chest is barely followed by a whisper of visible heat escaping his lips, escaping into the cold morning air. His eyes remain closed, the muted sunrise glows across his clean canvas of a face. Heavy gray clouds are swept across the sky, in an unbreakable blanket. The only colours here are the weak, almost pathetic rays begging to be heard in the midst of all this gray. Slowly, so slowly, he begins to move. His warm, steady hand rises above his head, mimicking the most graceful of ballerinas. So begins the dance of morning. Clad entirely in black, he moves noiselessly through the empty space, feeling nothing but the concrete roof beneath his feet. Dark paint encircles his eyes, weighing his face down even further, crying out the pain he’s felt in his short life. Dark paint to mask him, to feel his sorrow in place of his heart. Silently he moves across the roof, eyes still unseeing. In ethereal patterns his fingers dance, twist and turn in this December dawn. He stops. Like a music box that must be rewound, his motion ceases entirely. Not a shiver, no reaction whatsoever to the bitter cold and the snow now falling heavier than before. His Eeyes snap open, clear and sharp as icicles, gray blue as the mist on a foggy morning. Those gray blue eyes, framed by his untamed hair. Black hair, grown long from years of more important things to think of, spills from his head. It shrouds his eyes with dark strands, like a wild beast come to take over his sorrowful soul for once and for all. Gliding steps he takes, dragging his worn boots over the concrete, coming to the edge of his building. On tiptoes he stands, chest thrust out and arms outstretched, as if begging the wind to push him over the ledge, begging it to carry him away from himself. Slowly, slowly his arms drop in continuation of his morning dance. He runs along the edge of his roof, his light footfalls never waver, he never seems to be aware of the gut-wrenching height at which he stands. Again he stops. A breeze floats in, and carries the hair away from a face that could be beautiful. He is beautiful; he is this city’s dark angel, flying above their heads in his dance of pain. Silent he remains, never even blinking. He just stares into the wind, his young face so placid. His lips are smeared with the same dark paint, as if tainting his unheard voice with its stony grip. In, out, his hushed breaths whisper at the morning air. His gloves have no finger coverings on them, and his icy, long fingers stretch out at his sides, the nails black, painted so that all he touched would be forever haunted by the memory of him. A final breath in, he holds, he closes his eyes. A single minor note spills form his mouth, beautiful it its tone and carrying all his distress along with it. His bittersweet song now rings out, accompanied by that pained expression staining his face. He walks along the edge of his rooftop as he sings his pain. Possessed by the music in his head, he screams the melody, dropping to his knees in plea to an unseen being, to no one. Crying, weeping for pity! He writhes and twists with every note, every word, and his heart is no longer his. It now belongs to the dawn, belongs to the clouds, belongs to other children of the darkness just like him. This is the first, and the last, this morning city will ever be both blessed and cursed by his haunting voice. Singing, screaming, weeping, running to the very edge, the last inch before the fall..! Just then he falls silent once more. A final cry, a single note ringing pure and true with the tragedy of his life. His arms spread out aslike wings, aslike wings belonging to the dark angel in his heart. He looks up, letting the hair fall away from his eyes, and his face glowing in the ethereal light of December dawn. He falls. He falls like the dark angel in his heart, no longer able to fly. His voice was ended; the morning dance would be no more. He was born; he died, in this December dawn.

The author's comments:
We have a dark angel inside of us all. I present him to you now.

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This article has 11 comments.

on Dec. 31 2012 at 3:23 pm
CariePierce BRONZE, Lancaster, Pennsylvania
3 articles 0 photos 48 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Imagination rules the world." -Napoleon Bonaparte

I like you, man. Thanks! I got my confidence back in my writing.

on Dec. 31 2012 at 3:21 pm
CariePierce BRONZE, Lancaster, Pennsylvania
3 articles 0 photos 48 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Imagination rules the world." -Napoleon Bonaparte

Thank you! I love you! That's very flattering!

on Dec. 29 2012 at 11:29 am
Claudia.VII BRONZE, N/A, California
2 articles 0 photos 51 comments

Favorite Quote:
\"Let them eat cake.\" -Marie Antoinette.
\"Genius is born-- not paid.\" -Oscar Wilde.
\"Press the button, we\'ll do the rest.\" -George Eastman
\"If you\'re going through hell, keep on going.\" - Winston Churchill

I'd have to agree with the points that: A) The words are all sort of strung together, and with no breaks, it gets sort of confusing. and B) There was an overload of descriptions. There are times to be poetic, which you performed beautifully, but there are times where we, the readers, must have some idea of what is going on in the story for it to move forward. Aside from some minor grammar/spelling issues, it was a stunning piece.

on Dec. 27 2012 at 12:04 am
E.J.Mathews GOLD, International Falls, Minnesota
19 articles 2 photos 145 comments
Simply amazing. The imagery was clear and beautiful. it instilled many thoughts in my head, which is always a good thing. Keep on writing, even though I can't imagine how you could possibly become even more fantastic!

on Dec. 21 2012 at 12:20 pm
Sketched97 PLATINUM, Silver Spring, Maryland
31 articles 4 photos 167 comments
It's clear that you can write. You have a mature tone and I like your writing. I think you lose your reader in this piece for two reasons; there are no line breaks and too many adjective. You describe and describe and describe and eventually I forget what you are even describing! I liked it anyways though, especially the ending.

on Dec. 20 2012 at 11:30 am
Snowflakes SILVER, Lichfield, Other
6 articles 0 photos 91 comments

Favorite Quote:
I'm afraid so. You're entirely bonkers. But I'll tell you a secret. All the best people are. - Alice In Wonderland

Wow. This was beautiful to read. I diagree with the other comments, I like how descriptive you are, I literally had an image of this dark angel in my head (something that doesn't always happen when I read pieces of work) However, the paragraph was jumbled together which made it a bit hard to read and some of your grammar needs working on. Apart from that, this was brilliant to read :) 

on Dec. 19 2012 at 11:35 am
GuardianoftheStars GOLD, Shongaloo, Louisiana
17 articles 0 photos 495 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Let's tell young people the best books are yet to be written; the best painting, the best government, the best of everything is yet to be done by them."
-John Erslcine

I agree with CammyS and SunnySummers. Paragraphs would help make it easier to read.  The descriptions were lovely, but again I'm like Cammy, you may want to watch out that you don't do too many. Anyways,  You wrote beautifuly.  And it was an enjoyable read. You have a lot of talent :) Keep it up.

on Dec. 13 2012 at 7:44 am
CariePierce BRONZE, Lancaster, Pennsylvania
3 articles 0 photos 48 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Imagination rules the world." -Napoleon Bonaparte

Thank you very much for the feedback!

CammyS SILVER said...
on Dec. 12 2012 at 7:50 am
CammyS SILVER, Papillion, Nebraska
5 articles 0 photos 188 comments

Favorite Quote:
No passion in the world is equal to the passion to alter someone else's draft.
H. G. Wells
Don't say the old lady screamed. Bring her on and let her scream.
Mark Twain

I liked it! Very descriptive- maybe a little too descriptive, if you ask me. The reader gets sort of hung up on all the description and misses the action. Another piece of advice would be to, as SunnySummers says, divide it up into paragraphs so the reader doesn't get so lost.

on Dec. 11 2012 at 10:47 am
CariePierce BRONZE, Lancaster, Pennsylvania
3 articles 0 photos 48 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Imagination rules the world." -Napoleon Bonaparte

Thank you very much! I feel foolish for not catching the spelling error.. But still, I am grateful for your feedback.

on Dec. 9 2012 at 5:07 pm
SunnySummers GOLD, New York, New York
13 articles 1 photo 54 comments
   That was very poetic and pretty, but I have two critiques.    The first was a simple spelling error where you've written Eeyes instead of eyes.    My second piece of advice would be to seperate your writing into paragraphs, which would have made it a little easier to read.    Other than that, I'd say that it was very enjoyable and definitely worthy of five stars!