I had a beautiful life before the accident. I lived in a small tower tucked between beautiful mountains with cascading waterfalls. Yes, I am that princess that gets locked away in a tower due to a psychotic father who thinks you cannot be safe with other men around. I don’t mind it though, nobody bothers me, usually, the landscape is gorgeous, I can find everything I need in the small village a few miles from here. Really I have no reason to complain. Until the day of the accident.

Some bumbling fool had to come try and rescue the rumored fair princess locked away by a big mean king. His first mistake, he tried to come in from the west. The west side has a huge river running by it. Dad built the tower here so I may have running water near, and also to keep out idiots like this guy. So seeing the gushing river this kid decides, since there is no bridge, he’ll just swim. He jumps in the river, and it just throws him around. Miraculously he ends up maybe half a mile downstream from where he started. The wimp is bent over, coughing and gasping, probably puking up his pride. I saw this from the back window, and I’m just thinking “wow, what a hero, I trust that guy to save me”. Give me a break! There is no way I am going to run away with this fool.

His second mistake, he uses the only door with a guard dog. My father is a big pit bull fan, and I have grown quite fond of woofy, the guard dog. Seriously though, there are two other, unlocked, easily accessible entrances. This goof decides “the door I see is the door I’ll use.” Beyond that, it is also the only door here with a lock on it. On a beautiful breezy day like these it is the only door I even close. So prince genius gets the lock picked using some pin he must have brought, and I am wondering if he can here the ferocious barking behind the door. When he goes to push the door open, woofy flies out. This fellow has come completely unprepared, no protection, no horn, just himself. Woofy gets at him, hes sinking his teeth when he can, barking biting, this guy is already on the ground struggling to get the upper hand. Somehow he succeeds in getting woofy off. He tossed him fairly hard, which I’ll admit is impressive, but still, he has gotten pretty torn up.

By now Prince Genius is in the building. I stay at the window, because it’s a beautiful day, and I like to hear the birds sing. It takes him about an hour to get up to the top of the tower where I am. I knew it would, with what I’ve witnessed of him he does not have the brains to navigate this architectural maze. His third mistake, he accidentally spins me out the window. He come barging in, “HELLO PRINCESS, I HAVE COME TO LET YOU OUT, AND ALLOW YOU TO MARRY ME!”. He attempts to spin me into has arms and pick me up. Instead he spins me to face him and clumsily shoves me out of the tower window, onto my back. I am luckily still fully functioning, but in a neck brace for the rest of my life. I marry Prince Genius, whose real name is Al Schitzenbuck. No one else would ever think to marry the only princess with a big fat plastic neck. Atleast he has turned out to be a lovely, yet dull fellow, who is rather handsome.