It was a little till midnight when Emma woke with a start from the sound of plates shattering one by one and loud, angry voices. They're at it again, she thought. She lay back down on the hard bed, curled up in her sheets and tried to go back to sleep. The angry voices have gone loud then low then loud again as they pace around the room on the other side. She know she shouldn't but she couldn't help but listen.

"...you have no right to take it out on me!"

"Why? You don't even..."

"I know I should've left you when I had the chance!"

"And Emma?"

"She's yours! I don't need baggage!"

She twitched. She felt like she was being stabbed with a dozen knives made of ice.

"You can't leave her with me, Liz wouldn't..."

"Why would I care what she thinks? I have Jon and his kids to think about!"

"But you gave birth to her!"

It was always the same fight, the same accusations, the same words, and yet it seems like the wound it’s leaving in her heart is only getting deeper and worse. She hates it, the way they push her to each other like a broken stuff toy, but she doesn’t have the right to complain. After all, if it wasn’t for her, they’d still be happy, they’d be able to live their dreams and they’d be able to find true love without her getting in their way. She found herself trembling at the thought of being left alone. She needed to calm herself down, to get the pain out of her system.

She got up, ran to her desk, and reached for the pocket knife.

Looking out the window, she could see the full moon shining brightly, illuminating half her room and the scars lined up on her forearms. As she lifted her right arm and cut a line, she bit her lip to stop herself from howling in pain and cried silently.

“Just leave her out on the streets!”

“How can you say that? She’s your daughter!”

“YOUR daughter! I’ve never once thought of her as mine ever since I bore her! If you pity the little brat, take her with you!”

“Someone… I wish someone would save me and get me out of here.” she cried in a whisper.

Bonk!

She almost jumped from her spot on the floor. She had fallen asleep and her parents’ argument seemed to have stopped.

Bonk! Bonk!

She looked outside her window to what was making the noise. To her surprise, a lady stood outside, looking at her, her face covered in tears.

“Who - who are you?” she asked.

The lady only smiled.

Why? Why was she smiling at her? And yet, as beautiful as it is kind, it seemed to calm her down, like the lady knew just what she needed.

It took a while for Emma’s brain to register that she might be hurt - her tattered dress was tainted with blood. Hesitating, she opened the window.

“Who are you?” she asked again.

The lady tried to speak but nothing came out of her mouth. Emma could see the panic in her eyes, like it was all new to her, like she didn’t know she was mute. The lady’s shoulders slumped with disappointment.

“Umm, are you lost?”

She shook her head.

“Then what were you doing -”

She took her hand and looked at her scarred arms. On her face was a sad smile, as if her scars reminded the old lady of something of the same sort. She then looked at her and tugged on her arm, as if urging her to come with her.

“I- I can’t.”

Once again they heard her Mom shouting and they both jumped. Suddenly, she remembered her wish. The lady tugged on her arm again.

“Wait, where are we going?”

“That brat is going to the streets!” she heard her mother say.

She hesitated no more. She ran - out of this house, out of this chaos, and to her freedom. She followed the lady, laughing her heart out as she ran through puddles, through thick trees, through the cold, free air and felt all her problems ease away. The sun had started rising, and she stumbled into the clearing, landing on the riverbank. She was still laughing. She hadn’t run like that her whole life! And even if her legs felt like they were numb and she was out of breath, she couldn’t shake the feeling that this is one of the many first times she’ll have from now on. She stayed lying on the riverbank as she looked for the lady but she was nowhere to be found. Instead, a deep voice rang out from a distance.

“Hey! Are you okay?”

She sat up and saw a boy, about her age, running towards her.

“I saw you tumbling down and thought you might be hurt.”

“Uhh, no,” she said, still out of breath, “I’m okay.”

She looked around again but there’s still no sign of the lady.

“Are you lost?”

“It’s not that. It’s just -” she stopped, hesitating whether to tell him or not that she ran away. His eyes wandered to her arms and she tried to cover her scars.

“It’s okay, I understand.” he smiled. “I’m Xander, by the way.”

“Emma.”

“Listen,” he added. “I live with my parents just at the end of the river. We’re having rice porridge for breakfast. Care to join us?”

As soon as he said it, her stomach growled in hunger, and they walked to his house laughing and getting to know each other.

Ten years had passed since then and so many things have changed. A few years after Xander’s family had taken her in, she got married to him and have given birth to two wonderful children. Her scars have healed but they have left a thin mark on her skin. She had grown to love her new family but there were times that she missed her old family too. She would think about how it would have been like if she hadn’t ran away. Would there be a chance that they’d be like Xander’s family too? Was there even hope that they’d be happy? Even through all the pain, she realized that she loved them. She’s always dreamed of a happy life with them, to stay whole and together.

On a rainy June day, she was in such deep thought that she never knew what was coming for her… a car, winding through the slippery road then crashing into her. As she felt every bone in her body break, she’d wished in her mind that she could have another chance to save her and her parents from misery.

She woke up in the middle of a forest on a dark and cold evening. She grew confused, she was sure she got hit by a car and should’ve died. She tried to walk herself out of the dark forest and came out behind an old, small house. A faint, crashing noise was coming from inside, followed by shouting and pacing. She tried to go around the house to see what’s happening and stopped when she heard familiar voices.

"And Emma?"

"She's yours! I don't need baggage!"

"You can't leave her with me, Liz wouldn't..."

"Why would I care what she thinks? I have Jon and his kids to think about!"

"But you gave birth to her!"

She gasped. Is this for real? she thought. Those are her parents’ voices! That conversation… it must have happened when she was still with them. But she couldn’t have just gone back in time! She hurried around to her window, young Emma’s window, and caught her asleep on the floor, the blood from her scarred arms flowing freely onto the rag.

What happened? she thought. What am I doing here?

“I’m telling you, just leave her there to rot!”

“Are you even listening to yourself?”

“I don’t want to take her, you don’t want to take her, no one wants to take her! What choice do we have?”

“She’ll starve!”

There was a loud set of footsteps and what sounded like cans falling on her parents’ end. “There! Happy?”

They can’t be serious!

“You can’t be serious!”

They’re really going to leave me - Emma - on the streets?

She stared at her young self, still sleeping soundly on the floor.

“Emma! Emma!” she called out.

She has to wake up! Why hasn’t the lady come yet? At this point, they’re really going to drag her into the streets.

Emma!

Convinced that there’s no lady who’s going to come and save her, she searched the surroundings in a panic and found pebbles by a tree. She threw the pebbles one by one on her window and called out to her. She ran back to the window to check on her and sighed of relief when she found her waking up. Emma looked at her in surprise, and probably in horror too. No one would expect someone out at this hour.

The voices have died down and she couldn’t help but stare at her young self - thin, wounded and scared.

“Who-who are you?” Emma asked.

Emma was trembling, she could tell, but she couldn’t help but smile at the realization that she’s grown stronger and braver than the one in front of her. She wanted to give her hope. She wanted to tell her that everything’s going to be okay. It’s all going to work out fine.

Emma opened the window and she walked in and tried to take in the room she once had.

“Who are you?” she asked again.

Oh, right, she thought. She doesn’t know me.

“Emma, I’m -” she couldn’t hear herself. She held her throat and tried again. “Emma!” Why? Earlier, she still had her voice. What happened?

“Umm, are you lost?”

She shook her head.

“Then what were you doing -”

She needed to reassure her, to calm her down, but she can’t do it without her voice. She grabbed her arm and seeing the scars, remembered every single time she cut them. Given the opportunity, she wanted to share the moment with her young self. She can only hope that Emma can read her thoughts.

Wait a minute.

She wondered how this was all so familiar and weird at the same time. As she stared at Emma, she realized that no one else was coming. There’s no strange lady. No, the lady was her all along! Remembering her mission, she tugged at Emma, trying to convince her to get out of here.

“I can’t.”

Her Mom’s voice boomed through the house and they jumped in surprise.

Emma, please! she tried to plead with her eyes, tugging at her more.

Seeing Emma come to her senses, they ran.

They ran through the forest, young Emma laughing heartily behind her. She was happy for her, happy that she’d saved her for what may be a million times as she realized that she might’ve been living on a loop all along. If there’s always her as the lady to save her young self from misery, then she must have been doing this forever. She stopped running - letting Emma run on her own to Xander’s arms - and went back to the house. What happens next? Would her parents miss her? Would they be relieved? She’s got tons of questions running through her mind that she wanted to know the answer to.

In Emma’s room, she found her parents frantically searching the house. Her mother looked furious but there’s some sort of worry in her eyes. Her father headed towards the woods, only to be stopped by her mother.

“What?” he said. “Are you seriously going to leave her? Don’t you think the reason she ran away is because she heard us? This is all your fault!”

“My fault? You wouldn’t take her in either!”

He opened his mouth but hesitated. “Fine, then we’re both at fault!” He looked out into the woods, staring right through Emma as she stood frozen in front of them. “Look, we don’t have time for this. I’m going after her.”

Her mother tugged at his shirt. “I’m coming with you.”

They both ran into the woods, calling for young Emma, and she followed them. When they got to the riverbank, Emma was gone. Xander had already taken her to a new home and they would never see her again. Emma wouldn’t even know what her parents did and would continue living her life thinking that her parents never loved her like she wanted them to.

As she watched her parents crumble on the riverbank and go back empty-handed to their house, she could feel herself being sucked in into oblivion.

She called out to them, “Mom! Dad!” but nothing came out of her mouth.

“I love you!” she cried.

Emma woke up - this time on a bed. She searched her surroundings - machines, tubes and tanks - and came to the conclusion that she was in a hospital. So was it all just a dream? she thought. Xander had fallen asleep beside her. Seeing his sleeping face, she couldn’t help but think of how blessed she is finding such a man who will love her after she’d seen herself as young Emma who had done nothing but hurt herself and the people she loved. She couldn’t be more thankful. She reached for his hand and he woke up at her touch, smiling and crying as soon as he saw her.

“Thank goodness! Thank goodness!” he said as he hugged her.

“I missed you,” she said, having not seen him in her dreams.

“I missed you more,” he pulled back and stood up.

“Xander,” she said, “I need to find my parents.”

“I know. You’re always calling out to them in your sleep.”

“Then please…”

“Don’t worry about it. I’m going to call everyone now and tell them that you’ve waken up.”

"Wait! Xander, I need to -"

He smiled and dashed through the door. He came back with her parents in tow - her real parents. She sat as still as a rock when she saw them, even when her parents have come running to hug her. “We’ve finally found you,” they said.

She felt her body relax in their arms as she cried, “I’m sorry I ran away!”

“No, no.” Her mother said. “We should be the ones asking for forgiveness.”

“You’ve been long forgiven.”

She looked at them and noticed that they’re holding each other’s hand. “Are you guys--?”

They looked at each other. “We’ve finally sorted it out. When you ran away, we tried to settle our differences and promised that as soon as we find you, we’ll be different, better people. For you and for us. We’ll make this work. We’ll be the family we should’ve been from the start.”

With this, her tears fell down on her cheeks. She could never be more thankful to be alive. She thought back of young Emma and knew that she’d go back for her again and again. She hugged her parents once more, “I love you. I love you. I love you.”