thank you for the honest suggestions I have a new one I am putting up soon I would like you to comment on as well thank you I hope the next one is better

1. Detail: You need far more detail than this to keep a reader interested. Details can really spice up a story and develop characters, tone, and setting, so it is just one of the many important tools a writer must have. Also, show, don't tell. 2. Revision: You have a couple of grammar, spelling, and punctuation mistakes all throughout your writing; I suggest looking through your writing before submitting, too many of these mistakes look silly and unprofessional. It's also helpful to go over it with other people so that they can edit your writing and give you suggestions on how to improve. 3. Originality: I feel this story really just fit every generic fiction story mold out there: a protagonist with few friends and a very boring, uninteresting life, etc. Try doing something that stands out from most stories you've read, do something new! You should also test your own writing style; do you tend to rush into a story? Do you plan things out? Do you control your characters, or do your characters control you? Just a few pointers. 4. Finally, motivation: Despite all I've said about your writing, I believe something good really can come out of this piece. Just keep in mind that writing is a tricky business that takes time. While the span of time varies for every writer, the first draft of every story is never perfect. Don't become discouraged, but keep writing! I hope you keep my tips in mind and I have no doubt that you will become a much better writer one day.

I will do that

thank you I will definatly work on it I am trying to figure out what I can change to make it better.

I think maybe I'm not feeling the 'point' here. There's nothing that specifically separates this piece from any other. That is to say, it's a little cliche. Also, there are a couple grammar and spelling errors, so I think just going through and editing will help.

No problem. There's always potential, and it seems that you have got the basics down. Just improve upon it, and you'll end up with something brilliant.

Your not being rude and thank you I didn't notice any of those thank you for being honest

"The boy walked to the store." Be sure to keep dialog in quotations that are spaced correctly, or it will feel disjointed. Also, be sure to capitalize the beginning of sentences. Always. Plotwise, it needs more description and perhaps originality. Not to be rude, but I've heard this exact same setup before dozens of times, and people want to read original stories. Then again, perhaps something original could happen with time? Either way, be sure to practice and look at how others write fiction. That way you'll know correct writing mechanics and grow as a writer.

it is part of a story I am writing lol and It is fine thank you though

its a good poem and im not really good at rating