As I sit and watch the candle burn, swaying steadily from side to side, I think of you. The flame represents us, and the warmth and calmness that I felt with every day spent in your presence. With every flicker, my mind goes back to the times we spent singing, laughing, dancing…2 years. That’s how much of my life I was in love. While not many words were exchanged at first, I loved you from the start, just like how a wick ignites when the flame from the lighter kisses it for the very first time…

As the time went on, my heart was still in November. Of 2013. Things seemed so much more simple back then. The months passed and the flame grew stronger, expelling its scent throughout the room, encapsulating everyone within it with its refreshing smell. We were that flame, the one that radiated into the hearts of many. Our flame burnt out, and I burnt out with it, disappearing into the darkness. Scars taint my skin where the memories of you weakened me, taking with them all of me, leaving nothing but a breathing vessel. No heart, no soul, no beauty. Just a body that was weak, emotionless, and empty.

As I sit watching this candle burn, I don’t feel sad. I don’t feel grateful, angry, relieved, or happy. I don’t feel anything, actually. I can’t remember the degree of my shower just minutes before, or the last line of the chapter I just finished reading. I stare at this vibrant, burning candle and feel nothing. Memories rush into my mind. I can hear you whispering in my ear. I can feel your arms around me, keeping me warm and secure against your body. I notice the flame start to move more vigorously as the memories come flooding in, but I still do not move. A corkboard full of quotes that once inspired me sits just above my dresser, where my candle is placed. I watch as the flame grows with every lie of “I love you” that ever escaped your lips, with every kiss you ever left on my pale and aching skin. I blink once, as the flame kisses the corners of the papers that only serve as a reminder of love, something that I lost. I blink again, but do not move. I watch as all 9 of the papers are burning, letting the pain they hold escape their pages. Once more I blink, as a tear streaks silently down my cheek, where your lips once kissed many weeks back. I still did not move, nor did I feel hurt or sadness. As the flame came to life and the entire room was glowing, all I could do was blink. Eventually, the flame reached my bed, where I sat and observed. I could feel the heat growing near, but still I sat and blinked, letting the tears silently and effortlessly escape their jail cells. Lighting the flame, watching the flame, and even engulfed in the flame, I feel nothing. No sense of fear, sorrow, or regret. I am just a body, having no feeling or emotions. My essence, my everything, is disappearing right in front of my eyes, and I remain numb, unable to move.