Unusual Date | Teen Ink

Unusual Date

April 29, 2013
By Colleen Schilling BRONZE, Metairie, Louisiana
Colleen Schilling BRONZE, Metairie, Louisiana
1 article 0 photos 0 comments

“Win a date with Doctor House by calling 555-5293,” screams the car radio in my new car. I silently chuckle at myself as I out of habit reach for my cell phone immediately upon hearing this bogus advertisement. “This is probably all fake,” I mutter to myself. My gut is telling me not to start dialing, but my head is telling me this is the most preposterous situation of my life. Going against my beliefs, I begin to dial the number on my brand spanking new and shiny iPhone 5 I received for Christmas. I’m listening to the boring dial tone thinking for sure I will never hear an answer. My mind is thinking of the hatred I have for the dark, murky, and humid New Orleans weather I am currently driving in. The fog is taking over my windshield and I find myself putting the defroster on every other minute practically. Suddenly I hear a man’s voice screaming into my ear, “Congratulations! You have just won the date!” I am now hit hard with the realization that someone has picked up my call. My mind goes blank. I can barely remember my name and I have goose bumps from my arms to my toes. I notice how my legs look similar to chicken skin because of the sudden onset of the goose bumps. Finally, the man speaks again wondering if anyone is even on the line. I notice the man’s voice is raspy like he’s been a chain-smoker since birth. I mumble out a “Yes, I am here. My name is Colleen Schilling.” Hurriedly the man says, “I’ll be e-mailing you a code within seconds of all the details for your date! Have a nice day.” He clicks the phone and I’m left asking myself, “Is this real life? Am I dreaming?” I turn the car around recklessly driving over curbs, drains, and almost pedestrians.

I wear my Jessica Simpson black jeggings that are cotton soft and sufficient for this so called “date.” They smell like fresh detergent and my favorite fabric softener scent. I keep in mind I am certainly not dressing to impress. As I’m getting ready for this dinner I feel so odd as if something may not go as I plan. Before I realize what is going on, a black shiny and sleek limo pulls into my driveway. I have no time to be impressed; I would just like to get to my destination. Forty-five minutes later I walk into The Roosevelt Hotel mesmerized by the freshly waxed floors and new imported china cabinets adorning the walls. Finally, I spot Dr. House sitting very relaxed on a booth with a proper and simple table set. I walk up to him and introduce myself after gawking for a few moments. I quietly say, “Hey, I’m Colleen. I won a date with you…” Dr. House barely shows a smile and bluntly commands “Have a seat.” I feel so incredibly awkward I just want to melt away and forget this ever happened. Contrary to what I feel, I sit down on the other side on the freshly painted and upholstered booth. “I know your head is filled with those tween questions. So go ahead and begin,” says House. I laugh as I hear myself say the first thing that comes to my mind, “Do you really believe your famous quote, ‘Everybody lies’?” He looks at me like I have just grown six heads on my neck. Then he asks, “Would you like to know a pretty lie or an ugly truth?” Confused I look at him and say, “Ugly truth?” House musters out one of those evil smiles I have seen him wear every single episode. After a pause he says “Of course everybody lies, life wouldn’t be worth living if no body lied, right?” I cannot help but laugh at this. He adds, "It's a basic truth of the human condition that everybody lies. The only variable is about what." This is the most psychotic man I will probably ever meet and yet I’m amazed by every syllable he speaks. I scout every detail about this man as I sit across from him. He hasn’t shaved in about a week or so, he didn’t brush his hair this morning, and his lips are mildly chapped. My next question is sufficiently awkward but I ask it anyway because I know he will answer. “Why drugs, House? Why not alcohol or an addiction to anything else?” I say. Without missing a beat House asks me why my name is Colleen. “It’s always been Colleen, and I have never wanted to change my name,” I say. Again, without missing a beat, House says, “Well my life has always been this way and I have never wanted to change it.” I look at him funny and rhetorically ask, “You seriously just compared your drug addiction to my name?” House smiles and nods silently. I know if we were in an episode he’d walk away at this point. House can’t walk away. I take full advantage of this fact and stare at him silently. The dinner progresses with my asking House practically every question I can think of. Of course House is just like I imagined by being witty and unconventional. It’s the end of the night and I finally speak the words I came here to say. “House, I’d like to let you know that you’re a pure genius. I can only dream to be as intelligent as you when I become a doctor,” I say quietly. House looks at me and says one of his most famous quotes, “Everybody lies.” My eyes follow him as he walks out of the huge lobby supporting himself on his cane. I have just met an influential person in my life and he just walked out telling me “Everybody lies.” No good bye and no see you later. I want to scream at the top of my lungs because that moment in my life will forever be embedded in my memory.

The author's comments:
This creative essay was written about Dr. House.

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