They told me seeing a turtle on my wedding would bring good luck. Well I made sure of that when I hired Cecil Turtle to be the Celebrant at my wedding; maybe the extra luck would keep that stupid rabbit out of my hair for just one day.
     All of my friends were there to support me on this special day, Granny and Tweety, Yosemite Sam, even Private Snafu came out for the occasion, I haven’t seen him in a while. That guy is a really softy, ya’ know, I saw him get some color in his cheeks when he was about to cry, during the vows.My fiance looked so beautiful as she flew down the aisle on her broomstick.
Cecil started, what was most definitely going to be the longest ceremony ever.
“Would you please face each other and join hands. Elmer J. Fudd, do you take Witch Hazel to be your wife? Do you promise to love, honor, cherish and protect her, forsaking all others, and holding only to her forevermore?”
“I do” I was so nervous when those words come out.
“Witch Hazel, do you take Elmer J. Fudd to be your Husband? Do you promise to love, honor, cherish and protect him, forsaking all others, and holding only to him forevermore?”
“I do” Her smooth voice floated through my ears. Soon we’ll be on our way to India, where the natives there eat those mangy rodents for breakfast.
The ceremony seemed like it went on for hours, but finally there is an end in sight.
“I now pronounce you, husband and witch! Congratulations, you may now kiss your bride!”
This is the happiest moment of my life! And best of all no rabbits!
While in India, I decided to take an afternoon to go hunting, while the wife decides to look at some spices for her potions. “Bugs would be tewified out of his wabbits tail if I bwought back a Indian wabbit and cooked it up wight in fwont of him.” I mutter to myself whilst exploring the jungle. I see those tall white ears I knew so well peaking out from behind some vines. How he got half way across the world I didn’t care, all I could think was “This time, this time I’ll get that wabbit fow showa.” I held my gun up to position, aimed, and...‘BANG BANG’... fired. I ran over in the direction I had shot to find... two very tall men dressed all in white and wearing white turbans. Both a bit startled.
“Where did dat wabbit go? There was a taw white wabbit standing wight here, and I shot it! Where did he go?” They just looked at me blankly “Dawn langwage bawiers!” I stormed off in the opposite direction I came in. Still in hopes of finding a terrified Bugs Bunny.
I found my way to a busy Indian market. There I saw tall white rabbit ears poking out in every direction. “BANG!” One set of ears fell over. “BANG!” Then another. “BANG! BANG!” Two more, down. “BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!” I ran through the stands shooting every pair of tall white ears I could find. Then I saw it. A rare magnumcandidumnumquamaratahyacinthoindianlepus, latin for large white eared blue indian rabbit. I aimed, and right as I was about to pull the trigger, it turned around and looked at me dead in eyes.
“What are you doing pointing that thing at me!?” It was obvious that my new wife wasn't happy.
“I-I-I’m hunting wabbits?” I tried to explain, but she had just about lost it.
“We haven’t even been married a week, and you try to shoot me!? I mean you’ve made it longer than my last husbands, but that’s not the point. At least they just ran away. You tried to shoot me!?”
“No, no Honey I love you! I just thought I saw that cwazy wabbit, and those white ears made it look like...”
“I got these, because the town’s having a their annual rabbit festival. So, I decided to get in the spirit!” She looks up into the crowded market. “And geez Elmer did you have to shoot all those people!?”
I turn around to see people lying on the ground, all wearing tall white rabbit ears. I saw the indian police, laughing at me being yelled at by my wife, standing a couple yards away. They walk up to me still laughing, and put handcuffs around my wrists, and take my gun.
“No!” I scream, “That gun was my one true love!” Hazel coughs. I shut up.
So now, I’m doing ten to twenty years in a foreign indian prison. Stupid wabbit.