Even though she was different, walking down the street with Clara in my arms was more than enough for people to undeniably know that she was my daughter. Her pin straight blonde hair and pale skin resembled mine. Lucas had always been mesmerized by my eyes; saying that my eyes were a mood ring for my heart. Their normal shade of blue would change to grey when I was upset or hiding something from him. And the more irritated I was, the deeper the blue hue got. It was quite frustrating that he could tell how I was feeling just from looking at me, when I had to practically dig his feelings out about anything and everything. My Clara had those same eyes. I guess you could say that was enough for our special relationship to begin, and our love grew with everyday.
By this time in our marriage, money was an issue, especially when we had to take care of so many children. Lucas went in search for a better paying job in the city for weeks on end, leaving me alone at home to tend to our boys and girls. After almost a year of bad luck, Lucas finally found a starter job in an apartment building. Taking care of four kids plus ourselves was tough but we knew that in a few years he would climb up the economic ladder and we’d have a stable income for us to relax on.
In the early spring of 1836, Lucas returned from a long week of work exhausted and cranky. I always knew how to change his mood, and this time was no different. After putting the children to bed I returned downstairs to my love to ask him what was wrong.
“Hard day today, Honey?” I asked as usual. Thinking that this was the problem on the surface, but knowing there was something bubbling underneath as well.
“Yes dear. It was a long tough week, and today didn’t make it much better. How are you doing all alone with the kids? You look exhausted, Maria.” He said this honestly, and there was worry in his eyes. He knew that each day was tough taking after four kids, but he also knew that I wouldn’t be satisfied with such a small family, and that this was a small price to pay.
“Oh it’s not that bad, you know how much I enjoy their company. Jamie and Ben are learning so much in school and Charlotte and Clara are already turning into such pretty girls. But they do miss you, dear.” I sighed; the children really did miss their father, with him always off at work in the city, it was hard for them to see him other than at bedtime. If he only knew how much I missed him too.
He rose to his feet and slowly walked over to me, picking me up in his arms. He loved to carry me, and occasionally, I would let him. I knew he wouldn’t drop me for he was far too strong to ever do so. But putting all my trust in one person, especially at a time like this, was something I never took lightly.
“I miss you, love. I know how much you love your children and they adore you. And I love them too, so much. But you were my first baby, and that’s how it will always stay.” He smiled as he began to spin me around, while I was still in his arms.