William's Dream Part 1 | Teen Ink

William's Dream Part 1

April 15, 2010
By SandyC SILVER, Concord, Other
SandyC SILVER, Concord, Other
5 articles 0 photos 78 comments

Favorite Quote:
"In the end it won't matter how many breaths you took, but how many moments took your breath away"

William got into the little black car and braced himself for whatever future was awaiting r him. He looked out his window to take what may have been his last look at the old house that he had grown up in. The first thing he noticed was his sister’s tiny figure still standing on the doorsteps, crying. William could see that his father still had not looked up from his newspaper. He had not given him one word of farewell before he left. He had not looked up from his paper. Well, William told himself, what did you expect? Has he ever shown you that he cared for you before? William knew the answer was no- that was why he had joined the army. Perhaps if he went to war and came back a hero, then he would have not only have won the battle, but also his father’s affection. To William, the second was more important than the first.
William looked out the window and watched as the farms became even farther apart until soon the farm houses were replaced with tents and the peaceful farmers were replaced with soldiers in training. The car stopped and the driver told William to get out. He stepped out of the car and quickly gathered his few belongings as he looked around. Enormous spans of bright green hills opened up in front of him. Each hill was littered with large gray tents that looked big enough to hold at least four men. By these tents there were many soldiers in training going through the drills that William would soon attempt to master.
He got up and stepped onto the land that he would call “home” for months, perhaps years. As he walked forward, he saw many farm boys. Their faces looked like he felt-confused, scared, and worried that they had made the wrong choice. William soon realized that he was standing in a crowd of new recruits, and that a stern looking man at the front was giving them their instructions. They were told to come forward and state their name, so that they could be given their tent number, and uniforms. As the list went alphabetically by last name, William knew that he would be first. He was already making his way to the front of the crowd by the time the cold faced man called his name. He received his new uniform in a bag, and was assigned to tent number ten. Before he left to find his tent, the stern faced man began to address the group.
“Listen up everyone!” he screamed, “Today we will be doing a diagnostic test. We wish to see how useful you will be in battle. Now get outside, so we can begin!”
Soon, William was swept away by a current of eager young recruits hurrying toward tent twelve, where four soldiers and an older, more experienced-looking man stood waiting.
“Recruits,” the first soldier in line said, “This is Commodore Hazard Perry. He is a very experienced and honored Captain. He is looking for a few men to serve him in a battle on Lake Eerie against the British. He is not here to pick one of you, as you are inexperienced; he is merely here to see how we train our new recruits.”
The other men stood dumbfounded for several minutes, but as soon as he heard his commands, William began his task. To his surprise, everything that the soldiers told him to do was extremely easy for him. What he did not notice was that Commodore Perry had been watching him happily for the past half an hour. Immediately after he was told to stop, the Commodore stepped in front of him.
“What is your name, lad?” he asked in a low, scratchy voice which was the result of years of screaming orders.
“His name is William Acre,” the first soldier said quickly.
“Did I ask you? See this is the problem with all of you trained soldiers you are all arrogant! I want someone who is obedient, talented, and someone who can keep his head while others cannot. Someone like Mr. Acre, here,” Perry said, turning his attention back to William.
“Me Sir?” William said, very confused.
“Yes you, collect your belongings, come with me, and you will begin training to fight at sea,” the Commodore commanded.
During the next few weeks, William trained vigorously in the water and out. He was aware that everyone else training under Commodore Perry was much more experienced than him, but he was determined not to be the weak link when the time came for battle. As it turned out, he was anything but weak. He inspired loyalty in the people he met while training, was always eager to learn, and would never give up before he had mastered the skill that he had set out to master.
William returned to his small bed to finally get a few hours of rest after a long day of training. Just as he was beginning to relax, the post boy arrived with their mail.
“William Acre!” he cried, waving a small, white envelope.
“Over here,” William called out gruffly. It was most likely another letter from his older sister, Marilyn, begging him to come home.
The envelope was thrust in William’s direction, so he quickly took it, not wanting to attract attention. He looked down at the envelope and almost dropped it in shock. He was not staring at his sister’s handwriting, as he expected, but his father, John Acre’s messy scrawl. He quickly ripped open the envelope, with the anticipation of a small child opening a gift on Christmas morning. He pulled out a short letter and began to read. The further he read the more prominent the frown on his face became.

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This article has 38 comments.

D-Wade3 said...
on Jan. 31 2012 at 1:35 pm
WOW! I love this piece. I almost felt like I was there with William. You had great detail and a great idea.

Amanda said...
on Jan. 31 2012 at 11:44 am
Great story! I loved your detail and talking about how he felt leaving his family and how he felt when he got there. The only thing I would fix is do some more research on an 1812 war.

BlackPanther said...
on Apr. 14 2011 at 1:30 pm
BlackPanther, Ashford, Other
0 articles 0 photos 8 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If you cant annoy somebody with what you write, I think there's little point in writing." Kingsley Amis

More fantasy than history but entertaining.

katie-cat GOLD said...
on Jun. 6 2010 at 3:52 pm
katie-cat GOLD, McClellandtown, Pennsylvania
13 articles 0 photos 163 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Look after my heart, I've left it with you."- Edward Cullen
"To love another person is to see the face of God . . ."- Les Miserables
"Don't say the old lady screamed. Bring her out and let her scream." - Mark Twain

I really enjoyed this.  I thought it was very well written and it flowed nicely and kept up the pace.  The only thing I thought was a little off was the directions from the soldiers.  It didn't really seem like something that would actually happen, or that they would actually say.  Looks like it's time to resort to Google :)  Trust me I groan at the thought.  I hate doing research!  But that's what's difficult about historical fiction.  It requires a lot of research.  Keep writing!

on Jun. 6 2010 at 1:10 pm
GoodmorningSweetheart BRONZE, Bloomington, Indiana
2 articles 0 photos 16 comments

Favorite Quote:
From Thomas the Rhymer:
"O see ye not that narrow road,
So thick beset with thorns and briers?
That is the path of righteousness,
Tho after it but few enquires."

Sandy, you said this story was about the War of 1812. In the first line you say "little black car". They did not have cars in 1812 I'm afraid. I know a car speeds up the process of getting him from home to the battlefield but it is highly inaccurate. Instead you could begin with William at the battlefield remembering looking back at his family for the last time. Or have him board a train.

burnt-toast said...
on May. 29 2010 at 6:27 am
i like this, you create believable voices for your characters which makes it easy to read. Their are a couple of places you could work on your description, but generally speaking it's superb.

on May. 28 2010 at 8:08 pm
aaaaaqweqweqwe SILVER, Somewhere, Illinois
6 articles 0 photos 67 comments

I like the idea, the concept, the heartbreaking motive, and most of the language.

Sometimes you contradict yourself,like when you say "William could see that his father still had not looked up from his newspaper. He had not given him one word of farewell before he left. He had not looked up from his paper"

Small problems such as these are what keep your story from being really good. Smooth these out, along with the pacing, add some more creative language and descriptions, and it will be ten times better.

Sorry if I was a little harsh. Hope I helped :)

Be sure to take a look at some of my work :)

Kaila said...
on May. 25 2010 at 3:52 pm



SandyC SILVER said...
on May. 17 2010 at 3:14 pm
SandyC SILVER, Concord, Other
5 articles 0 photos 78 comments

Favorite Quote:
"In the end it won't matter how many breaths you took, but how many moments took your breath away"

hahaha, yes i guess yur rite....for future referance i'll make my characters cuss more;)

on May. 17 2010 at 10:17 am
Kandabear SILVER, East Bend, North Carolina
7 articles 0 photos 93 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I went insane from long intervals of sanity." - Edgar Allan Poe
"The role of a writer is not to say what we all can say but what we are unable to say." - Unknown
"You must say drunk on writing so that reality can not destory you." - Ray Bradbury

Well SandyC you have amazing talent. =) I love this piece. Great job really. Very creative. =)

on May. 16 2010 at 3:08 pm

The drill sergeant curses less than my football coaches... that's not very realistic :P

very creative tho. I wonder what happens next.

SandyC SILVER said...
on May. 12 2010 at 4:56 pm
SandyC SILVER, Concord, Other
5 articles 0 photos 78 comments

Favorite Quote:
"In the end it won't matter how many breaths you took, but how many moments took your breath away"

haha thanks...ya i noticed it rite after i submitted it, but yu werent being a pain, i actually like that yu read it meticulously, thanks 4 the feedback:)

on May. 11 2010 at 5:43 pm
justsmile164 BRONZE, New York, New York
4 articles 0 photos 73 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Talent is nothing without character."

also (sorry to be a pain) but there's a typo in the first line - you probably already noticed haha

really good work!

on May. 11 2010 at 5:42 pm
justsmile164 BRONZE, New York, New York
4 articles 0 photos 73 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Talent is nothing without character."

i like this :)

on May. 11 2010 at 8:46 am
This was really good! I loved it really! i am about to go and read the 2nd part right now! :}

on May. 11 2010 at 7:27 am
.Escape.From.This.Afterlife. GOLD, Short Hills, New Jersey
10 articles 0 photos 92 comments

Favorite Quote:
"bad blood is more satisfying to spill across the floor..."

You're a really good writer, and an excellent storyteller.  Nice work!

on May. 5 2010 at 5:29 pm
...PensiveGurl... PLATINUM, Aurora, Colorado
20 articles 0 photos 267 comments

Favorite Quote:
You get ideas from daydreaming. You get ideas from being bored. You get ideas all the time. The only difference between writers and other people is we notice when we're doing it- Neil Gaiman.
Who are you to be who you are?-Le'Na Pernell

Thanks for commenting on my work! ^.^ and i can't wait for the second part... or other parts to come =P

Keep up the good work!

We-R-3 BRONZE said...
on May. 3 2010 at 9:50 pm
We-R-3 BRONZE, Orlando, Florida
1 article 0 photos 344 comments

Favorite Quote:
A picture is worth a thousand words, however it takes a real artist to turn words into pictures.

Have you heard about the new Lebron Iphone, you have to set it on vibrate because it doesn't have any rings

This is really good I wish to see more of this William Acre and your writing

Deb1 said...
on May. 3 2010 at 10:35 am
Wow - I love the way you write - keep it coming!

Teen Reader said...
on May. 3 2010 at 10:30 am
Great job - you really kept me reading - can't wait for Part 2!