“No mom why, why do I even have to go to war. I don’t want to kill only if I have to, and I am going to have to in war so no.  I am not going to fight I am only going to say that once.”  Lloyd said.

I wait for an answer when I have these conversations with my mom or dad the same question goes through my head.  Why, why is there a war?  I already know that there is going to be a draft, and I am going to have to fight either way. “Lloyd I am not going to argue with you that is once and for all.  Then I say in my head the most I can do to prevent war is going to war and fighting for freedom, and also fighting the freedom of not fighting. As soon as all of my thoughts run thoughts run through my head like race cars.  All I do is try to fight for my rights and I get punished for it,  free world I would think not.  I always hear the dead silence in y my head thinking what could and would happen to me when I go to fight.  I could be disabled, I could be dead at any moment.  There is just too much risks to take.  I don’t want to take those risks, I would love freedom but I dont want to die for it.

“Lloyd I am going to say this once and for all you are going to the war die or don’t die like it or not” mom said. I heard my mom say I hope you die in the smallest little whisper that a dog would not be able to hear. 

I thought why would my own mom care if I died or even if I did not die.  I would usually start to cry as soon as my mom walked out of the room, but not this time I am going to man up.  I am going to take life how it is and hope that the war won’t end me.  Though I think it just might and no person can or would stop it even if they could.  I don’t know one person that would save me if they could no one I know care for me.  I mean know no one.  I don’t even think my mom has faith in me.  My life has turned upside down, I can’t even trust the people I love.  Though I don’t think they trust me anymore anyways.  It would be nice to just live a normal life as a normal person.  I guess everyone wants that, as from what I have heard.  I heard the mail man at the door this was a new mail man, I wondered why?  So I went to go and get the mail as usual, this mail man as a little different than the other.  This mail man would wait at the door for about thirty seconds to talk to you if you needed it. He was very helpful and I could see it in him.  The thing is I only knew the man for about thirty seconds.  The man left after a second, I got the mail and still noticed that my mom and dad aren't here yet.  I said to myself they are probably at a party or something, it will all be ok. 

The next day at about nine in the morning the same mail man wa there and I thought why is he so early.  Maybe he is just moving a lot faster than usual.  He dropped off the mail and I opened the door when he was about to leave and I said

“Thankyou sir” Lloyd said
All the man said was it will be all right, what does that mean I thought in my head.  So I looked at the mail but one of the messages were from the hospital saying just this.

We are very sorry to say but your mom and dad had just died last night in a car wreck.  We are so sorry for your loss. 

The first thing that popped in my mind was what about me going to war.  How is this all going to work out.  Now that no person is watching me I don’t have to go to war.  Will I feel guilty I thought though what will I be  thinking in my head.  So I will just go to war and hope for the best?

The last thing I thought of when signing to go to war is why does this have to happen to me, why.  I also thought how, how did this happen so fast.