Moving from my home state Minnesota to Montana, (because of my mom’s job) would be the end of me, and of course, I didn’t have any idea about it. I unloaded my things from the car and immediately realized tomorrow was my first day as a junior in Ridgemont High School. I didn’t have any idea if I should be happy about it; new people, new teachers, and maybe new friends. Over the night I couldn’t stop thinking how my first day was going to be, but for sure; it was going to be different.

“Get ready son, today’s your first day of school and I’m guessing you don’t wanna be late, do you?” my mom said.

“You know I don’t care about it, I’ve never had.”

In school I felt different, but I could still hear people murmuring when I passed through the halls, people staring at me, and even students taking pictures of me. I knew it wasn’t because I was new, but because I was: fat, ugly, and had big teeth. I couldn’t believe the story was being repeated all over again. In Minnesota people would do the same thing to me, in streets and even in school campus. I knew I shouldn’t pay attention to those that criticize me, but I couldn’t just act like if everything was okay, when in reality, it was not. I felt ashamed and quickly ran to the bathroom. But no. The bathroom wasn’t a secure place. I was getting tired of living, but I knew I couldn’t just give up.

I made a deal with myself not to suffer again, so I decided to be the “lone - guy” which was basically, staying all day alone, no friends at all. For a moment, I thought it was the best for me, but when I needed someone, there was no one to help. It was me, all by myself.

The second school day, I woke up with swollen and sore eyes. I figured out that it was because I slept crying, I needed human contact, it may not seem important, but without it; it was like nothing mattered. That day I decided to walk to school to clear off my mind, but it didn’t help at all; in class I fell asleep which was surprisingly weird because I’ve never done such a thing.

“Hector, wake up,” Elena whispered.

Thanks to Elena I woke up, without Ms. Ada finding out I fell asleep. And best of all I avoided a long trip to the office… I walked to the cafeteria with Elena, I was guessing she wanted to be my friend, so without being very confident I told her: “Hey, thanks for what you did in class today, I really appreciate it.”

She looked at me, rolled her eyes, and started walking the opposite direction. I just looked at her go, there was no point on following her. That day I decided to go to this “shisha” place which was the most popular thing here, in Montana, and most of my classmates had tried it; why shouldn’t I?

What’s the whole matter? It’s just smoke in my lungs and that’s it, nothing bad will happen. In there, I found a guy from my school, he was sitting by himself and he seemed to be needing a friend, and to be honest, I too needed a friend. “Hello bud, why are you so alone here?”

“Just smokin’ a bit, didn’t know you smoked too,” Felix said.

“I don’t do this crap, just experimenting for first time.” I answered.

We talked the whole night about us, I told him my whole life-story and he told me his, to our surprise, we were really similar. I felt good that I met someone like me, someone that had been going through all the bad things I had been going through too.

Months passed, and for once in my life, I felt like I had everything I needed. I had Felix; my best friend, my mom, and best of all; the shisha. Almost everyday after school, Felix and I went to this shisha bar where we first met.

Until one night, the most unexpected thing happened. Felix started bleeding from his nose and started vomiting blood, I had no idea what to do, I took him by his arms and pulled him to the first exit I saw. He could barely walk, his skin was pale, his eyes were red, and he was starting to puke foam out of his mouth. I stopped a taxi and went to the hospital. I waited and waited, minutes felt like hours, and hours felt like days. I called Felix's parents and told them that we were at the hospital. In 5 minutes, they were there, with me. I had no courage to tell them what we were doing. They could only think about their son. Suddenly, the doctor who was attending him came out and asked for Felix’s folks, he wanted to talk to them privately.

“Take a sit please, I’m doctor Davis and I’m attending your son, Felix.”

“Please, let me see my son, pleas--”

“Ma’am, please calm down, what I’m about to tell you might be something very shocking. Your son has been using damaging chemicals, that have slowly damaged his lungs and because of the frequency, your son is now fighting between life and death.”

For a moment, I thought it was the end of Felix, I couldn't believe what was happening, I felt guilty, because I was with him, I had to do something to get Felix back, but I couldn’t. It was now too late.

The coming two months were nightmarish, going to Felix's funeral was the hardest thing I had done in a long time. I tried to stop smoking, but I couldn’t. It was time for me to not let my fears hold me back and tell my mum what was going on.

“Mom, I have something really important to tell you,” I said.

“Hector whatever you have to tell me, it’s okay--”

“No, mom, it’s not okay, I’m tired of being a human, of being in this planet where you don’t matter, and no matter how hard you try to be happy, that happiness will go away, so what’s the whole point of existing, huh?”

“Son, life isn’t easy, and it has never been, you have to fight for yourself, only you. No one should matter before you, if you are happy the way you are, be happy that way, if the people you want to be with don’t like the way you are, don’t let them have you.”

For a moment, I thought everything was all right, but it wasn’t. For once, life had been easy and happy, but with Felix's death and my mom discovering what I did everyday after school, my life would go back to how it was when I arrived here. I was a horrible-miserable person, who instead of listening to what was correct, went through the wrong path, and now, it was too late. I couldn’t stop smoking, I felt it a necessity, and I knew that at this point, the only thing I could do to be myself again was to go to a hospital and start a special treatment for drug addicts. And as for my mother, it was hard to see me in this condition because she always thought she’d raised a good human being, but when she looked at me, laying on that horrible bed, and crying, I knew her heart was melting from the inside, and so was mine.

The day I left that center; one year later, I was a completely new person ready to start living all over again. My mom thought that we should move in order for us to start a new-fresh life. But I figured out that there was no point of running away from your past. No matter how hard you try, your past will always be there with you.

But I still wondered If things were going to be the same way now, I was sure I wasn’t going to smoke again, I wasn’t even sure if I was going to have new friends. But If I was sure about something, it was that a new human being had been born.