I loved seeing my cousins in NYC, John and his older brother, Jiahua (although we always called him Jai).  They always had something new happening like their new Xbox or a Christmas party at their apartment. Their father was a chef in Chinatown and would always cook traditional Chinese dishes for these special occasions, Hongxiu pork belly and lobster.  Going there was always associated with pleasant memories.

Last Christmas was different.  There was a strange tension during the entire party, one that did not fade even past the Chinese New Year.  It was barely noticeable unless you spent time watching my cousins family. John spent most of the party in his room playing on his PC while his parents socialized with my parents and my other uncles and aunts.  In March, I had overheard my parents talking.

“‘Why would John just give it up like that? I thought he enjoyed being a Catholic.’  My father replied,‘Well maybe he is just frustrated by all of the commitments with school and college.  There’s little we can do and besides, we don't even know if the rumors are true.’”

My family was also Catholic, although we never really went to church except on Christmas and Easter (and we didn’t even go that year).  Because of this, I naturally had to support his parents, although realistically, I sympathized with John more. Two months later, my cousin had apparently announced that he would move out that September, a year before he actually had to go college.  I guessed that he couldn’t take his parent’s constant nagging and decided to move out. In the meantime, my parents agreed to let him stay at my place until he could move.

After John moved in June, it seemed to me that he had returned to how he was before: always was smiling when he spoke and was cracking jokes.  He never really spoke about his parents, to nobody’s surprise, and even had his PC moved from his old house. Since it was June, John could finish his finals and then just stay at my house for the last week of school. Within a couple months, John had found a place and was getting ready to move out.  In the weeks before he moved, John started to confess a lot about himself: his grades had been dropping since the start of that year, he’d broken up with his girlfriend after that Christmas party. But the most important bit was that he was practicing Catholicism. He didn’t seem to notice my shocked expression as he continued to talk about not going to church for a while.  I was stunned for a second so I asked,

”Wait if you are still Catholic then why did you move out?”  

All of a sudden my cousin’s face darkened and he hesitated.  I knew that I had touched a sensitive subject.

He sighed, “When my grades started to drop into the B-range, my parents blamed me and said that I wasn’t trying hard enough, probably because I wanted play video games when I had finished all of my homework rather than study for 1-2 hours every day.”  

I knew that the stereotype about asian parents was based in actuality but my parents only really pushed me if they were sure I could do it.  If I told them I couldn’t then they usually respected that, within reason.

I said to him, ”John you shouldn’t push your parents out of your life. Instead, you should get them to respect that it’s your life to live.”     

John just nodded, hesitated and went back to his room. “Thanks”

A few years later, after he moved out, he came to a Christmas party at his parents house.  Apparently, John and my aunt and uncle had only kept in touch loosely and that John hadn’t come to visit since he had moved out.  I was at the party when I saw John arrive. I saw the moment when John met his parents again.

“Hey Mom.. Dad.”

My uncle stuttered “Hello son..”

My uncle then took his drink and went into the kitchen while my aunt went into her bedroom.  The whole room had resumed it’s ambient chatter, although it reflected the awkward feelings still in the room. After the initial confrontation,  John went up to me.

“Well I tried but I guess they’re not going to forgive me that easily.”

“They’re not angry John, they’re scared.”

“Scared? Why?  I was the one who disobeyed them and caused trouble for everyone.”

“John.. You should go talk to them”

John left and talked with his mother in her room.  

Following that, I continued enjoying the party, awaiting news from john of how it had gone. However, John did not come up to me for the rest of the party.  He only shouted to me,”Thanks!” as I stepped out of the door of their house.