Things were never normal. I was broken. I never felt love. I never felt a purpose for myself. I kept myself closed off to feeling anything for anyone but one person. Rather if it was a relationship, friendship, anything. That is until I met you.

***

The afternoon was hot. The sun bearing down over me and my teammates as we practiced pitching and batting. My stance became better with time but I never felt that I could perfect where I wanted to be. I stood in the dugout, taking my break, while my eyes curiously overlooked the other teams practicing for their upcoming tournaments that took place with ours. My eyes paid no attention to anyone in particular, but rather everyone. That is until I saw him.  My eyes held their gaze on him, and my heart raced. I didn’t know why, but I couldn’t stop staring at him. That is until he stared back.

He was standing beside his dugout. Laughing with teammates who seemed more like family to him rather than friends. His smile seemed so happy. His laugh seemed so real. Not the type of fake laugh that you give when you don’t want to be rude. He was facing one of his friends while also facing my dugout where I stood. He was talking, but then glanced at me. It didn’t seem like an intentional look, but it then became one. He looked up at me while talking and held his gaze. He suddenly stopped talking. He just stared at me. He stared at me with the faintest little smirk on his lips.

His emerald green eyes and smile gave my stomach butterflies. I held my gaze with him for a moment, but let it drop as my coach called my team to the outfield. Halfway through the rest of our practice, I looked over at the emerald-eyed boy to see what he was doing. As I looked over, I saw that his practice was ending. After that, I refocused back to my own practice. We only practiced for a little longer before our coach called it a day. 

I walked into the dugout to grab my bag, put my stuff away, and walk home. I didn’t live too far from the fields. I lived in an apartment complex that was about a five-minute walk from the fields. As I walked out of the dugout, I saw him. The emerald-eyed boy was still here. Yet this time it seemed that he was waiting for me. He stayed for the rest of my practice and watched me. He stood up and started walking towards me. I tried to let myself believe that he was going to walk past me, but it was hard to believe that when he was staring straight into my eyes. Suddenly, we were face to face with each other.

“Hi. My name is Toby. I was practicing in the field right behind yours, and saw you looking at me.” he said.

“My apologies if I was staring. I seem to stare off into space sometimes. But hi. I’m Aleigha.” I said.

I felt so nervous and anxious. My stomach was flipping in a million different ways. The boy that I had seen across the field, with the beautiful emerald green eyes and little smirk, was standing right here talking to me. He was having a conversation with me. His voice was so soothing. It was beautiful.

“Oh please don’t apologize. I felt honored to have such a beautiful girl stare at me with her gorgeous brown eyes.” Toby said with a smile.

I felt my face growing red. I couldn’t help but smile a little at the compliment he bestowed upon me. I didn’t know what to say. It honestly feels weird to think in my head that this boy I had just met, had already left me speechless. 

“Um, thank you. I am still sorry about staring.” I said

“Well if you are sorry for staring, then I am sorry for staring back. Although I’m really not, you shouldn’t be either. Because if we hadn’t stared at each other, I wouldn’t have worked myself to have enough confidence to come and talk to you.”

There it was again. The butterflies that I got just moments earlier. I can tell now that I am blushing way harder. It isn’t hard to miss that I am blushing now. I am so unsure of how he can make me feel this way, yet he is a stranger. I wonder how I make him feel. The thought seemed so humorous in my head. 

“Do you live far from here?” I asked.

“Not at all actually. I live down in that apartment complex. It’s about a five-minute walk from here. How about you?” Toby questioned.

Wait, he lives in the same complex that I do?! How in the world have I never noticed him?!?!?! My thoughts were running wild at that time. I was so surprised that we had never met before, yet we lived in the same apartment complex.  It was so confusing to me. But at the moment, I didn’t care. All I cared about was, well, the moment. That amazing, beautiful moment. 

“I actually live in the same apartment complex. I walk here every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday for softball practice.” I said happily. 

That evening we walked home together. We talked the whole five minutes home just trying to get to know each other. It was really nice if I am being honest. Getting to know him had really made my day ten times better. He seemed so nice and amazing. Like he got me so well. It made me feel much less alone. I felt so free. So happy to be able to bond with someone else. Even if it was only for about five minutes.

“Well, this is my stop. Thanks for the five minutes. Haha, it truly has been great.” I said with a smile.

“Anytime. I’ll see you around.” Toby said.

I felt myself feeling so many different types of emotions for him. I felt so smiley and happy inside and out after our walk home. I am not sure how he had the capability of making me feel this way, but he did. I was so confused on how he could do that. But at that moment, I didn’t care. All I cared about was how my night ended. That is all I cared about.

***

Today, Toby and I met up to walk to practice together. Coincidently, we had the same practice times. How have I not noticed him before if we have practice at the same time? I didn’t think too hard on that thought. I was just happy that we met now. He walked me to my dugout and winked at me as he walked away. I felt butterflies again. I thought he must have been magical for making me feel this way. I am not usually the type to get flustered so easily. But yet, it seemed that he could magically make me feel like that any time that he decided to. 

In a type of way, it was weird to me. All of this. I have never liked a boy in such a way. I have never had a boyfriend. I have never held a boy's hand or been kissed by one. All of my friends thought it was silly since I was sixteen and still haven’t had my first boyfriend. But not me. I thought it was special. I wanted it to be special. Real. Not something rushed. Not a stupid fling. But something that I could truly let myself be me, and still be appreciated and treated properly. Like I was strong and not weak. Like I had power too. I wanted it to be perfect. 

“Who’s ya new boyfriend huh?”

Mellissa. My best friend on the team. Basically my only friend. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed spending time with the other girls on the team, and we got along swell, but Mellissa was the only one who truly got me. I called her Mel for short. She was a pretty girl with an even prettier accent. I always relied on her as someone I could always trust. 

“I ain’t got no boyfriend Mel. He’s just a friend that I met a few days ago. Nothing more.” I said

“Ya sure? Because I saw y’all walkin’ up here with each other. And I saw the way you was lookin’ at him.” Mel said laughing.

“And how exactly was I looking at him, Mel?” I asked.

“Like he was the most beautiful creature in the world. But hey, I don’t blame ya. I mean look at the boy! He’s got pretty emerald eyes, he’s tall, and he seems muscular too!” Mel said laughing.

“Is that all you really see about him? That he is appealing to the eye?” I said laughing back.

“I mean I don’t know the kid, but I do know that he makes you smile like a crazy girl. He seems to make you happy in a way. Even if it’s not like that.” Mel said lowering her voice to where the other girls couldn’t hear us.

I couldn’t argue with that. He was very attractive. But I hadn’t really paid attention to that. I liked how he was so caring. He was a great listener. He was really nice too. He was nice in a gentleman type of way. He was so gentle, yet such an amazing and competitive athlete. To most girls, he would seem perfect. An athlete with pretty emerald eyes, blonde hair, tall, and very muscular. But to me, he seemed perfect under different circumstances. He was funny, polite, caring, and all of the above. 

“Yeah, I guess he does make me kind of happy. In a friendly way.” I said.

“Yeah alright. Just don’t go runnin’ away with him into the night.” She said snickering.

 I was ready to go home. It was a Friday night, and all I was ready to do after practice was enjoying a nice weekend to myself. I was an only child so I didn’t really have much that I needed to do. I was always on top of my chores at home and always had my work done. Which left me with a lot of free time after school. I enjoyed having time to myself. But I was always curious about what it would be like to not always be alone. To not always be the only child in the household. I wanted to have someone to bicker with about silly things like my friends do with their siblings. I was just tired of being alone.

Mel was usually with me at my house on weekends, but she had to travel out of town for the weekend. So that left me alone at home. Although I lived with my mom, she never paid any attention to me unless Mel was here. That is why I enjoy her over every weekend because then my mom will pay at least a little attention to me. I do also enjoy Mel’s company, but it is nice to get a little attention from my mom once in a while. 

I lied on the sofa, watching my favorite movie when my phone buzzed. It is eleven at night! Who could be texting me at this hour? I checked my phone to see it was Toby. I had almost forgotten that he had asked for my number yesterday when we met up at the fields to practice just a little one on one pitching and batting. We both decided on the first day we met that we would get to know each other a little better by just practicing one on one and talking. We decided on a time to meet in the fields and after we were done, he asked to have my number.

Before I could answer my text, my phone started ringing. Luckily my ringer was off so that it didn’t wake my mom, but the vibration was so sudden that it made me jump. I thought it would be Mel calling me to brag off about how cool her trip is or what all she did today. But to my surprise, it was Toby who was calling me. Not Mel. My heart started racing faster and faster. I still hadn’t picked up the phone. I sat there so long in shock that I almost missed the call. I picked up to him panting heavily.

“Aleigha?! Hello?” Toby said exasperated.

“T-Toby? Are you okay? You sound like you’ve been running for miles!” I said, louder than I anticipated.

“Aleigha can I come over?! Please I need a place to stay. My father is drunk and has been chasing me around the streets! I’ve been trying to tire him out but it still hasn’t worked. Please, Aleigha?! I just need a place to stay for the night. Please?”

Toby sounded like he was about to break down crying. I had never seen him like this. Most likely because I had only known him for a short time. But why out of all people would he come to the girl he just met? I knew then that I couldn’t just let him struggle. I had to help him out.

“Of course Toby. My apartment number is 316A. Just knock quietly twice and I’ll know it’s you. Just make sure to stay quiet when you get in. My mom is still sleeping.” I said in a soft tone of voice. 

“Oh my gosh! Thank you so much Aleigha. I knew I could count on you to help me out. You truly are amazing! I’ll see you when I get there. It’s kind of hard to run and talk on the phone at the same time.” Toby said.

And with that, he hung up. But his words stuck to me like glue. You truly are amazing! Wow. Was that what Toby really thought of me?  I didn’t know. All I knew was that from here on out, I was always going to be here for Toby. No matter what the circumstances were.

Knock! Knock!

Five minutes later and Toby had finally shown up. I hurried up and got to the door to answer it. When I opened that door, Toby just stared at me. Well technically at the clothes I was wearing. I looked down and saw that I was wearing pajama shorts and a t-shirt that was way too large for me. I hurried and hid behind the door, pretending that I was just letting him in. He seemed to either not notice, or just played along because he had stopped looking at me and came inside. 

That night he talked to me more about what happened. He told me that this wasn’t the first time that something like this had happened with his father. Apparently this is the least that his father has done. He told me a lot of personal things that night. I swore to him that I would never tell anyone about this. I felt bad that night so I told him something that not even Mel had known. I just trusted him with this because he had trusted me with the information about his dad.

“When I was in third grade, I made a best friend named Emily. She and I knew everything about each other. Yes, we were those types of best friends. She and I stayed best friends until fifth grade.” I said quietly.

“What happened in fifth grade?” Toby asked.

“In fifth grade, Emily started going through a lot of rough things. Her parents were getting a divorce, and her dad always made her feel like things were her fault, and that it was her fault that they were splitting up. On top of that, she was getting bullied at school for the way she looked.

“I was the closest thing to a friend that Emily had. She would always come to me crying. I never minded it though. I would always talk to her about it. She would always say that I made her feel better.  I always felt good that I could make her feel better about the bad things going on at home. She always told me not to feel sorry for her, yet I always did. I felt like no person should have to go through such horrible things.”

“So are you two still friends? What happened to you two? Did she move somewhere else?” Toby asked.

Here we go. I thought to myself. This makes or breaks if he stays my friend after what he is about to hear. I wonder if he will feel sorry. Or if he will be weirded out and just forget I exist. Here we go.

“Actually she did move. I am just not sure about where. One morning, I was nonstop calling her, because I woke up to a bunch of texts from her saying that she didn’t want to be alive anymore and that she was done with living and going through this hell. I was so scared. I kept calling and calling but she wouldn’t answer me. I rode my bike to her house. She used to live about ten minutes away from here. When I got there, I got the spare key from where she had kept it hidden. I opened the door and no one was home. I was checking all of the bedrooms. They were all empty. I was calling her name. I started screaming her name looking for her. I went back downstairs and saw that I forgot to check one room. 

“I ran to the door of the room and threw it open. I had found her. But it wasn’t really her. It was her body. Lying there lifeless. She had a knife in one of her hands, and her wrist full of blood. In the other hand, she had three empty bottles of pills.” 

I felt myself starting to cry. I didn’t want Toby to see me crying. So I turned away from him and finished my story. 

“I sank to the floor and stared at her in complete fright. I looked at her face and saw my best friend laying on the floor lifeless. I screamed and screamed her name. I screamed and cried praying for her to be alive. I never really believed in God, but I remember praying more that night than I ever have in my life. I didn’t want myself to believe that I had actually lost my best friend that night. 

“I searched and searched for my phone. I finally found it somewhere behind me on the floor. I instantly called 9-1-1. I screamed and cried on the phone saying ‘Please someone help me! My best friend needs help! Please someone help!’. I just remember the lady on the line telling me to calm down and give her the address. I did, but they didn’t get there in time. By the time the paramedics got there, I knew she was gone. 

“They let me ride in the ambulance with them all the way to the hospital, but when we got there I had to wait in the waiting room. I remember that they called Emily's parents. They showed up fast. Including her dad. Kind of funny that of all people, her dad had the audacity to show his face at the hospital. We were waiting for hours. I remember it was the middle of the night, but we were all still up waiting to see how she was doing. Even her father. 

“The doctor finally came out. Everyone ran to him waiting to hear what he had to say. Everyone but me. I slowly rose from my chair. He looked at Emily’s mother, put his hand on her shoulder, and looked into her eyes with sadness welling in them. He shook his head and I knew then. That was the only answer I needed to know to see if my best friend would be coming home.”

I looked up at Toby to see that he had tears in his eyes. I felt bad for making him cry with this story. I thought maybe that this story wasn’t the best thing to tell him.

“She successfully committed suicide? She took her life?” Toby asked with tears welling in his eyes. 

I looked down at my legs and tears started streaming down my cheeks. I looked up at him with a wet face. We stared at each other for a moment. Then he took me in his arms and held me. I couldn’t contain my sadness at that moment anymore. I started bawling into his shoulder. He just sat there holding me and letting me cry. He just let me cry. He then whispered something to me. 

“I’m so sorry, Aleigha. You must be so hurt. Let me tell you one thing though. If you are hurt, which you most likely are, you are so strong. I’m sure Emily is so proud of how you have carried this huge weight on your shoulders for these years. But I’m sure she is even more proud that you let yourself talk about it. It’s okay. I’m here for you, Aleigha. Just cry as much as you need.” Toby said. 

I didn’t know what to do from that point on. I sat up and looked at Toby. I saw his gorgeous emerald green eyes staring at me. They shone as Emily’s did. I hugged him once more.

“Thank you. So much Toby. Thank you for listening and being here for me. And I’m so sorry about the situation with your dad. I hope things get better.” I said.

“Believe me,” Toby said pulling me away from him. He looked down at me and smiled, “they already are.”.

He stared into my eyes. He leaned over and kissed me. I looked back up at him in shock. I could tell I was blushing. I looked away with a small smile. He pulled me into his embrace again. He then whispered something into my ear. 

“Miss, Aleigha. I would like to take you out on a date. You are very beautiful, funny, and have one of the most beautiful, gentle, and understanding personalities I have ever seen. I want you in my life. I know we just met, but I want to know you way better. Please?” Toby asked.

I looked up at him, flabbergasted at the words that had just escaped his mouth. I sat there in awe, and then let a smile overtake my face. 

“Mister, Toby. I would love nothing more than to go out on a date with you and get to know you better.” I said. 

***

I remember the rest of that night vaguely. For that was ten years ago. I am now married to Toby. We have a baby girl together. I am attending a community college, while Toby takes online courses. Our baby girl is named Emily. She is now three. I couldn’t ask for a better life. If it weren’t for me opening up to Toby that night, all of those years ago, I wouldn’t be where I am today. 

My best friend, Mel, lives across town from me but we still hang out together. She and I got a scholarship to college through softball, while Toby got a scholarship through baseball. I live the best life I could ever ask for. And that is all I ask for. To keep living the life that I founded ten years ago.