Thud,  the final ball had hit my goalies gloves,  and the game was over. A thunderous applause filled the stadium as my teammates and I rushed to congratulate my goalie. Except I felt empty inside, I had watched the last 20 minutes of the game in utter disbelief that I wasn't out there. Clap, clap, clap, was all I heard as the biggest moment of my life flew away like a bird gliding through the air.

Just three days before, I was getting picked up from school and driving to Indianapolis. The four hour drive seemed endless, it felt as if every ten minutes my dad and I were just getting farther and farther away. But, Little did I know the coolest hotel in the world awaited me. I arrived at the hotel with relief, and a great sense of urgency to go to the bathroom. Consequently, Day 1 was over, and Day 2 had just begun. My first game was within hours, and my stomach was churning with nerves and excitement. Little did I know that this feeling would come again but not with excitement, but pain and misfortune. My teammates and I went into the first game with tons of energy and excitement, and played fantastic scoring 5 goals. The other team could not quite meet our level and only scored one. That afternoon we had won our second game and decided to have lunch. Lunch surprisingly was plentiful and fulfilled my energy after both games. Normal, I thought.The next morning I woke up to the blistering sound of my alarm beep, beep, beep. I woke up in the dim room, with the feeling of a volcano erupting inside my stomach. With a winning record from the previous games, my team and I were confident that we would be heading to the finals. The early morning made the turf stiff with a over edging cover of last night's dew which made the morning cold and wet. Tweet, the whistle blows and the game begins. Within the first five minutes I received a ball from Alex and passed it back to him, in which he hit a shot to give us the lead. The first half ends, and we are up 3-0. The rest of the game goes by in a whirlwind with nothing really happening. The final whistle blows, and with a rush of relief filling my body, we were on to the finals, but also I became more and more nervous about the big game. My team and I went to get lunch together. Pulling in I saw a subway and a pizza restaurant, and I thought why don't we just go there, but no we are going to this random restaurant . I ordered a blt which I thought would be nice because it would not make my stomach want to erupt everywhere. Fourtyfive minutes later I received my sandwich and could only take a bite because it was so bad. We drove back to the fields and my stomach churned back and forth causing me great pain. Coming in and out of the bathroom I thought to myself hopefully these guys aren't all that good and I can rest this game. I didn't know what to do so I fought through the feeling of a volcano erupting in my stomach. The finals game was just around the corner and the clock was ticking down “tick tock, tik tok”. My anxiety had taken over and the pain hadn't vanished, but it flew off my mind in a matter of minutes. The beginning of the game had begun and we started off strong with a goal by Alex within the first fifteen minutes. The other team was the best we've played so far and retaliated with a nonsense handball called by the ref. Boom, just like that, in a snap of the fingers, that violent thunderstorm erupting within me was going off as I was running from one end of the field to the other. The fatigue had wrapped my body up and begun to slow my play along with an aching feeling all throughout my stomach. With the last 5 minutes in the game my coach subbed me out for the first time. I exhaled releasing a great deal of energy, as this was the first time I got to sit down in the last hour. The clock winded down faster than time itself, and I waited patiently waiting for the game to come to an end. The score was 2 all with the other team getting another handball call that secured them their second goal. The game ended going into what I thought was an 15 minute overtime, but instead both teams headed straight to the penalty spot...without me. Thoughts swish swashed throughout my head like trying to memorize the whole entire encyclopedia. I thought, Wait what, what happened to overtime, can I go in again, WHAT IS HAPPENING.The battle between each team lasted 20 minutes, of which each second sent my stomach and anxiety spinning around like an amusement park ride. 11 rounds, 20 minutes each I wasn't a part of. With a final thud of the ball hitting my goalies glove, and an everlasting win, jubilation had erose from the field and the stands as I rushed out to congratulate the team. Yet the excitement and jubilation did not come to me as it felt like a gun went off in my stomach. Not from that dumb sandwich, but from a feeling of guilt from missing one of the exciting moments I had ever experienced. I learned something really valuable throughout that whole experience of what to this day, is the most disappointing experiences of my lifetime. I learned “no matter what's in your way, push through and preserve to reach what's ahead of you”. 

That tournament was one of the best I had ever experienced, but that afternoon was dismal and demeaning. After the game had come to a conclusion we received our medals which were cheap plastic, pathetic metals. The worst part is when my dad said “ aww that's a shame”. The way he said that with a passive aggressive annoyance attitude crushed my soul to the ground like an elephant marching all over my chest. Furthermore, to make the afternoon even worse,  I had a 4 and a half hour drive in front of me, and I had forgotten my new expensive shoes in the hotel. The afternoon wasn't all bad because I had learned something that has developed and shaped the person I am today. I learned that no matter what's in your way, push through and preserve to reach what's ahead of you. What I learned I feel like has helped me through every opportunity in the past, present, and future. As thoughts filled my head like a game of scrabble, I felt that I had learned something very valuable, but I also had my head in the gutter as I could not erase the blistering memory of watching the final minutes of the game tick by without me in them. I thought the best way to describe this awful, yet fun day is the best worst feeling.