Splash, all the heat on my body disappears. As I go further down my vision lessens. I begin to feel a pain in my lungs. I push my arms on to the side of my stomach. I move my legs up and down. Once more my arms hit my side. I come up and open my mouth. Air rushes through it and into my lungs. I observe my surroundings. The sun now beaming onto my face and bringing back the heat I had lost. 

I hear my cousin Austin say “What's up?” 

“Nothing much,” I reply back. 

I hear Austin say “That wasn't bad, so why don't you jump off the top?” 

“Well that's a lot higher. And what if I get injured doing it?” I say. 

Austin replies with “You won't! I do it all the time and don't get injured. Doesn't  that show you won't?” 

“I'm taller and heavier so I might go further down than you,” I respond. 

“Whatever,” says Austin.

I swim over to the raft he is laying on. My arms slings into the middle. I curl my fingers around the coating of it. I throw my leg over it and grab Austin's hand. My fingers slip from the coating and my leg rolls back. I fall headfirst into the water.

“I'll try to jump on from the dock,” I say. 

I swim over to the dock so I can pull the raft in. I place my hand onto one of the bars of the ladder. In unison my arms and legs move up. I grab the top of the ladder and pull myself up onto the dock. I grab onto the rope that ties the float and dock. One arm after another I pull the rope close to me. I place both my feet on the edge and propel myself into the air. I fall onto the raft feet first and cause it to go far out into the lake. I lay back and relax. The North Carolina sun warms my whole body and the water on me falls off of my sides. I hear thumps in the direction of the stairs. I look up and see my brothers coming down. 

“Finally,” I exclaim. 

They jump into the water and get on the raft.

“Do you guys want to jump off the top?” Austin says. 

I respond to him with “Sure, let's do it.” 

“You were scared just a minute ago,” Austin says to me.

“I think I can do this,” I say. While I have a calm facade, on the inside I am thinking, I'm going to mess up and get injured. I might break a bone or get a horrendous cut.

We all hop off the raft and swim to the ladder. I hastily pull myself up and onto the dock. Noah and Austin follow. We head up the stairs to the top level.

To Austin, I say “You should go first since you've done this before.”

He replies with “ Of course.” 

I breathe out knowing that I won't have to go first. He goes and opens the little gate so he can jump. He looks over the edge and then turns around. He starts to run and pushes off. I look over the ledge and see him hit the water. The drop is much farther than it appears from the bottom, I think. What if I hit the bottom part of the dock or go too far down and can't swim up. The shore is right next to where we jump. There's no way this is deep enough to jump into. My heart races and my feet move away from the edge. My brothers seem to share my same fear as me. 

“You go first,” Noah says to me. 

“I'm not going,” I reply back quickly.

“I'll only go if you go first,” he replies.

I glance at Ethan and say “How about you go.” 

He quickly replies with “No way.” 

“There is no way that I will go until one of you does!” I say to them.

We see Austin come up the stairs. 

“Let's let Austin go again,” Noah says.

We all nod in agreement. Austin once again looks over the side, goes back, and jumps. He can do it so I should be able to do it. But he's jumped so many times before me and can go far out. I might trip and fall while running. It will hurt when I hit the water. I won't be able to swim up if I go too far down. Suddenly, Noah places his feet on the edge. He bends his knees. His ankles point at an angle. He throws his arms back and his body forward. I look over and see him hit the water. Soon his head reappears.

To me and Ethan he says “That is so fun!” 

Ethan then gets up from his seat. He places feet on the edge. His knees bend just like Noah. Soon, he propels himself outwards. I watch as he too hits the water. Finally, it is my time. I walk over to the opening. I slowly tilt my head down. My reflection stares me in the eye. I place my hand on the edge. My heart is racing. My feet grip the edges. My knees go forward. I prepare to fly. Then the thoughts return to my head. What if I hit the bottom of the deck, what if I go too far down, what if I hit something at the bottom of the lake. I place my foot backwards. My other foot follows. I spin my body around. 

Then I say “I'm not going to do it.” 

Noah says “Even Ethan could do it, chicken.”

I will not allow such a harsh criticism of me but my body won't walk to the edge and jump. 

I say, “You guys go again and I'll watch you.” 

And they do. Time after time they jump while I stand there wanting to go but fearing what will happen if I do.

I know that I must go. I creep forward. I hear the wood creaking below my feet. I leave trails of water as I walk. Finally, I place my feet down. My toes hang over the edge dripping water into the lake. I slowly lift my arms up and position my hands on the ledge. I tilt my head and stare at my reflection. I watch the water move up and down and from side to side. I watch every move my body makes. I see as my chest compresses and expands. I see my knees and hands shaking. My heart races, my muscles tense, my breathing becomes audible. I look back at my reflection. I hear 

Noah says “Hurry up or I'm going to push you!”

Though my mind is too focused to fully comprehend what he's saying.

I bend my knees and take a deep breath. I feel as the sun heats my body. Time seems as it has paused and that I am the only person in this moment. My hands come down from the ledge and push out over the water. Off my right foot I release. Soon followed by my left foot kicking out. Into the air I soar. I look out into the lake. I feel the wind move past my body and through my body. Suddenly, I feel a sharp sensation in my foot. A coolness runs up my body. I opened my mouth one last time and shut my eyes. I go down and down. I feel as my oxygen runs out. My brain feels as it is expanding and is pressing against my skull. With my eyes closed I push down on the water. My feet point towards the bottom. I move my legs back and forth. Again I push down on the water. I open my eyes and see a bright light. My head comes out and my arms float up. I take another breath. At this moment I realize that I didn't slip and fall. I didn't hit the bottom of the lake. I didn't go too far. I didn't hit the bottom deck. And that every fear I had was irrational. 

Austin says “How was it.”

“I LOVED IT!” I scream.

I realize that if I didn't let the irrational fears I had held hold me back I could have done something I love much sooner.

I swim back to the dock. I rush up the stairs and jump again. I hit the water and do it again. Again and again I jump.

My cousin Austin says “We should jump off the railing.”

My mind thinks, I'm going to hit a raft. I am going to hit the boat. What if I fall off the railing? The difference this time from when I first jumped off the dock is that even though I'm scared, I know that these fears won't come to reality. I jump knowing that I shouldn't let my fear hold me back.