My life od despair | Teen Ink

My life od despair

March 13, 2023
By jucio BRONZE, Santa Ana, California
jucio BRONZE, Santa Ana, California
1 article 0 photos 0 comments

Chapter 1

Life as we Know it

 


I guess it really started when my mother was caught in a car accident and died

shortly after arriving at the hospital. After her death, it was just me and my father alone in an apartment struggling with bills.

 Life just gets ¨Empty¨ when losing someone, after all Mostly everyone would agree.

Next thing you know, I'm failing all my classes because my mind just keeps on thinking of the horrors that happened between her and the incident. At some point, life just gets boring, sure while you do have friends, skydiving, or near death experiences, it doesn't really make up for the depressions that happened when losing a loved one.

 And life just couldn't get worse when I get bullied at school everyday, and really have no friends. Everyday is just hell, it just hurts thinking about the one person that cared for you and raised you. Next thing I know, they died, all because of a damn car incident. Really the only people who visited her funeral were just me, my dad and some of her parents. It makes me think no one really cared about her at all, they never came. 

The next day was the same but I heard a voice while walking. 

¨Hey¨ 

oh hi I say back while asking who she is and what she wants. 

¨I´m kayli and I heard about your loss, and well I feel terrible for someone that loses someone so precious.¨

 I tell her it's fine and it does hurt thinking about it everyday. 

We talk some more until the conversation becomes dead and we both leave saying bye to each other. I start thinking, for someone like her to care about what happened.  After all she is the most popular girl in school so again, it's weird because I guess I´m not really that kind. 

It's the next day and again she comes up to me and starts to make a conversation. 

I´m pretty sure everyday we start meeting up and even become friends which is actually good because I mean you just need that one friend who is willing to listen and be there for you. And that's exactly who she is which brightens my life by a lot. We become closer each day until we start hanging out and helping each other with personal stuff. But still one question remains for me. Why would she talk to me and befriend me when I'm having a hard time? Because she cared? Or she just needed someone in her life to listen? Either way I´m satisfied with the way this is going.

I really did have friends before she died but that was back then in elementary. Life was perfect, the best it could ever be. But despair just had to come and ruin everything. Hours later and it's still the same, my dad doesn't even speak to me or pick & drop me to school. But that's what you'd expect from an alcoholic father who just loses their loved ones. I can't really blame him though, Even if it looks like he doesn't care about me he does, just that he doesn't show it. The only times I speak to him is when I can invite kayli to come over and help with studies. He's fine with it of course, but just that she doesn't touch anything important. It's embarrassing For the apartment to be all messy and invite her to come over, so I always clean up before inviting her. 

Next day passed and my grades have gotten a bit better now thanks to kayli helping me out with studies. Not only that but Diego, Eduardo, and Max left me alone for the most part of school. Still, I care less and start to head home on the bus with surprising no one inside. It's just a coincidence after all, Right?

It's the next day and I start heading to my social studies class as usual and we still learn about Native Americans and even watch an episode connecting how they used to live back then. Some found it sad, Another found it cool? But I didn't even care at all, I could hardly care less about every death. After all, I find social studies one of the worst, and boring classes to ever take. But we are all forced to take it anyways, sure while with that one famous line 

¨If We don't learn from history, We are doomed to repeat it¨ And while yes I Agree with people wanting to take over the world, or calling people Jews and making them a slave and afterwards, killing them with a gas chamber they call showers. I do find fights, people hurting/killing each other funny and even suicide a stupid fact. I will get a lot of hate saying suicide is just an act of attention even though they could be going to hard stuff, like me. But I don't think about ending my whole life losing one person. I could hardly care about dying if my family, and friends are safe. I just want them to be safe, I want to protect them even if it costs me my life. And just when I head out of class, I get a phone call. 

¨Hello?¨

¨Hello, this is miguel if I´m right?¨

¨yes¨ 

¨Well we have some bad news, It's your father¨

¨what happened?¨

¨He was found dead in the streets and was probably caught in a gang shooting.¨
I become speechless and start heading to the hospital where he was there, lying in a body bag. I didn't really care about him too much, but it happened again, In a gang shooting. I accept the fate he was dead and after waiting for some minutes kayli comes in.

¨Hey are you okay? I was worried about you and I´m really sorry for your loss.¨

I stand there, silent as a rock knowing this is happening right now. 

¨ Can you leave right now? 

¨yeah sure just take your time, I´m worried about you.¨

She heads out and I think what the hell I'm about to do with the house, My whole family is already dead. I´m alone, and how am I going to keep the apartment? I have no job. They´ll probably just put me in an orphanage waiting for a new ¨family¨ I can have. I head home texting kayli what I´ll do with the apartment because ¨They¨ will come and salvage it or replace it with someone else. She insists that I stay with her but I´ll just take more space and food coming in. But I agree anyways, Not like I have to choose to stay behind.


The author's comments:

Something about me would be that I don´t really appreciate friends around me about I could care less if i´m with them or not.


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