The car lurched to a stop, and the radio cut out. Ivy pulled herself out of the car, then let the door swing shut, while letting out a heavy sigh. Will they like me? Am I good enough? What if I embarrass myself? What if- Ivy cut herself off. Don’t say that, just breathe. She tried to calm herself. It’s just a new team, and I don’t know them, and I’ve been gone for 8 months. Ivy clenched her fists, because her mind kept taking her back, back to the game that seemed forever ago, but still, the hot rush of humiliation continued to haunt her. 

     Ivy was shaken back to reality as her dad wished her luck, pumping his fist. She laughed and pumped hers, but with less confidence. She thanked him for the ride, then walked to the other side of the car where her friend, Eve, was standing. The two friends walked closely together, their bags slung over one shoulder, swinging and bumping. Ivy and Eve had known each other since they were seven, but a few years ago, Eve changed teams, the one Ivy was so nervous about meeting. Eve was taller, more spirited, confident, and talkative than Ivy, with shiny blond hair, light eyebrows, and eyes of arctic blue. 

     Outside, the late summer heat was humid and sticky, and gray clouds loomed above, turning the sky menacing, and dark. It was because of the intimidating clouds that soccer practice was indoors today. Focusing on her steps, Ivy took a long swig from her water bottle. Her trusty water bottle. It’d traveled to almost every game and practice. Running her fingers along the scratches and dents on the bottom, she watched other kids run out of their cars and bust through the doors. As Eve and Ivy walked inside, the cold air rushed out in a wave of relief.

     “What field are we on?” Ivy asked, because with each step past the waiting parents, her mind start racing again. 

     “I don’t know, but we’ll find them.” Eve continued scanning through the facility, when two girls from Ivy’s future team came running up to them, smiling and waving. Ivy recognized them, but their names were buried somewhere in her mind, and she knew she couldn’t get them. 

     The girls jogged by, laughing, shoulders bumping together. Ivy and Eve continued, Eve quickened, and Ivy had to focus to keep up. 

     At last, Ivy saw the other girls, casually talking, and putting on their cleats. While she was excited, she felt her legs go weak. Her new coach, Coach Caelie appeared, and started talking to Ivy. Eve disappeared, and Ivy wanted her to come back. 

     “Hi Ivy, I’m Caelie, I’m so glad you're here!” She exclaimed, her voice slightly husky and full of energy, but not overwhelming. Some girls looked over, and the attention made Ivy flush.

     “Hi Coach Caelie, I’m excited too.” She smiled. Caelie started talking to someone else, so Ivy took the opportunity to slip away and join the other girls. She slowly unzipped her bag and removed her cleats one by one, taking time to perfectly tie each shoe. Eve started introducing everyone to Ivy.

     “Geez Eve! You’re gonna scare her,” One girl laughed, after she said her name was Lilia. Ivy laughed along and introduced herself. Finally, Caelie called them, signaling the start of practice. Ivy, relieved, ran to join the group. Coach Caelie commented that their circle was more of an ameba, and everyone laughed, rearranging themselves.

     “Ivy, I don’t like to single people out, but I’ll make it quick.” Coach Caelie, looked apologetic, but continued regardless. 

     Ivy politely smiled and laughed. “It’s fine.” Is it fine? Am I fine? I guess so, I need to be.

     “Everyone, if you look around, you’ll notice something different.” Nope. Everyone pointed at Ivy. She tried to stop from flushing bright red, but her attempt was useless. She felt like a giant strawberry, held up by shaking toothpick legs. She clasped her arms behind her and bit her cheek. 

     “Hi,” she added, awkwardly waving. 

     “She just got back from a trip all around the world, so make sure to introduce yourself and ask her questions.” Everyone continued to stare as Ivy smiled and nodded along. 

     “Where was your favorite place?” Someone asked.

     “I think Greece or Turkey,” Ivy replied. “Because the food is so good there!”

     “Cool!” 

     “Okay Ivy, I'm done singling you out for now.” She chuckled, then continued briefing the practice. Ivy sighed. I did it. She survived the awkward introduction. Ivy tried to listen to Coach Caelie, but the memory came crashing back, in a tidal wave of pain. 

     Anger and pity were painted on her teammates' faces, but the most hurtful was the disappointment on her coach's face. He bowed his head, and turned around. As tears welled up in Ivy’s eyes, she wanted curl into a ball in the middle of the field and disappear. She fought back the tears and clenched her fists so hard she left red welts in her palms. Ivy desperately wanted water, but she would rather be thirsty than face her coach. Ivy shuddered. No! Don’t think about that. That’s the past. No one here knows about that. Ivy shook the thought from her head and listened to Coach Caelie, 

     After the announcements, they started practice with a warmup. 

     “Is Hailey late again?” One girl joked, looking around. 

     “Classic Hailey,” Another replied with a grin.

     “Oh! There she is,” Ivy watched as a girl with her backpack slung over one shoulder, holding water and her phone approached. Ivy suddenly realized that she knew Hailey. Hailey, Eve, and Ivy had been on the same team when they were younger, but Ivy hadn’t seen her in years. She looked older of course, but there was no doubt that she was the same. She had pale peach skin, long blonde hair, a big smile, and an even bigger personality. Ivy didn’t know whether she should acknowledge the past or move on. Neither girl said anything, but Ivy noticed Hailey looking at her. Does she recognize me? 

     After warming up they moved to partner work. Ivy was nervous to ask someone new to be her partner, but luckily, Eve knew this, and they teamed up. As they ran through drills, Ivy was finally starting to relax, and fall back into a familiar rhythm. 

     Before their next game, Ivy ran and got a quick sip of water. As she tossed her water bottle by her bag, the loud metal clang added to the noise of the gym, and another dent.

     Ivy slowly breathed, wishing to wash away the thought that she’d make a fool of herself. Ivy played defense, so she hoped to impress everyone with her blocks and tackles. On her turn, she stole the ball from the other team and passed it back to hers, joining the back of the line. Her team, impressed, cheered and Ivy smiled. The game continued for a considerable time, with defensive and attacking failures and successes alike. At last, when the game finished Ivy was proud. She hadn’t humiliated herself, and she’d helped her team.

     At last, they had a short-sided scrimmage. They were split into two teams and given a few minutes to pick positions. While everyone took theirs, Ivy realized this was the first scrimmage she’d played since the game. The memory that she’d tried pushing down, came flooding back. 

     The sky was weeping, and the field a swamp. Ivy’s white jersey was now grass stained and brown. Her feet and hands were frozen and numb. She was miserable. However, this was no regular game. This was the final game of the final tournament, and everyone had worked so hard, they were exhausted. For Ivy, this game was also her last before she left to travel for eight months. The game had been aggressive, and intense, but the score had not changed, and was still 0-0. It seemed the other team's parents had never watched a soccer game before. Anytime Ivy’s team made a tackle, it was a foul to them. Ivy’s blood boiled when she was pulled to the ground by the neck of her jersey, and her scraped and bruised legs were bathed in mud. 

     A series of loud screeches signaled the end of overtime. It was a penalty shootout now. Ivy’s sore and aching muscles became wobbly, and weak, but also falsely energized. Her rain covered forehead was glistening with sweat. Her team gathered, strategizing. Ivy knew she was bad at PKs, and she’d never taken one in a game before, so she volunteered 2nd to last. The chances of her taking a shot were low since there were 8 people before her. 

     As each round passed the teams scores stayed matched. She started counting down the people until it was her turn. Four more, three more, two more. Oh, no… one more. Ivy’s legs were shaking uncontrollably, watching the other team’s shot soar into the goal. Her gut dropped. Ivy’s teammate stepped up. If she missed, or it was saved, the game was over, and they would lose. Ivy stood with her hands clasped behind her back, biting the inside of her cheek. Her teammate took a deep breath, before sending a shot that swished the back of the net, way out of the keeper's reach. This was bittersweet because they hadn’t lost yet, but it was now Ivy’s turn. She watched as the opposing team's player blasted the ball into the top right corner. 

     Ivy felt nauseated. If she didn’t score, they lost. Ivy knew if she missed, she’d be upset, but she would be devastated, knowing she let her team down. Walking up, everything seemed to blur. It was just the ball, and her. Slowly, she took 6 steps back. Ivy tried to think where she’d aim. She decided on the top right. Ivy, attempting to fake out the goalie, glanced to the bottom left. Ivy inhaled, exhaled, dropped her shoulders, then started her approach. As soon as her feet moved forward, it seemed like she was looking through a kaleidoscope, everything seemed to shift. It could have been the pounding rain, the nerves, adrenaline, or her numb feet. Ivy didn't know, but it was too late to start over. Ivy’s foot slipped, and her shot that was aimed for the top right corner, slowly rolled five feet past the left post, missing the goal completely.

     She had no idea how it happened. It felt like she knocked the wind out of herself, because she had to gasp to catch her breath. Ivy wanted to cry. She felt her eyes get hot and her heart dropped as she realized her team lost, because of her.

     Ivy quickly realized the game in practice had begun. Have I just been standing here? She wasn’t sure if she’d been playing and not realized, since her mind had drifted far away. Bringing her attention back to the present, she focused on trying to showcase her strengths but also not humiliate herself. Just don’t make your team lose. You can’t humiliate yourself more than that.

     Ivy hoped she wouldn’t have to call her teammates a lot, since their names were muddled in her head. She listened as her teammates yelled to each other. She repeated their names in her head. The indoor park was loud, and they echoed, and bounced off the gigantic metal beams. 

     A shot by her teammate seemed like it was moving in slow motion, towards the upper left corner. Ivy held her breath, then suddenly, the other team's goalie, who Ivy thought was named Greece or Reece, blocked the shot in heroic fashion. Ivy wanted to congratulate her, but she didn’t know her name. The most probable solution was that her name was Reece, but Ivy was still a little shaky from adrenaline.

     “Nice save Greece!” Ivy called out. As soon as the words left her mouth, she knew she was wrong. It felt like the entire sports facility went quiet. It was like everyone knew her name wasn’t Greece and held their breath. The whole the gym stopped, mid shot, mid-sentence, and mid pass. Her words echoed through the building, and her head. Fourteen pairs of eyes turned to her. She felt like a human Elmo, bright red, saying embarrassing things, in a ridiculous voice. Ivy felt so hot, sweaty, and sticky. Her heart was beating fast, but it seemed everyone was in slow motion. She wondered if anyone noticed how red and sweaty she was, or hear her pounding chest.

     Slowly people started chuckling, and Ivy awkwardly went along with them. She saw Reece, belly laughing, and she didn’t seem offended or angry. 

     Between giggles she said, “For next time, it’s Reece, but I like Greece too.” Ivy snickered too. Her face was still red, and her shirt sticky. Ivy took this time to take in Reece’s appearance. She had warm ivory skin and blonde hair mixed with brown, which was tied up in a loose bun that had slowly been falling during practice. Her eyes were a mix of morning dew and green, twisted with the color of ash. Reece also possessed dark lips that complimented her bright and genuine smile.

     Ivy realized she could hear the squeaks of the basketball players' shoes on the newly glossed courts, the electric hum of the lights, and the chatter of friends and familiar acquaintances again. She was surprised how fast everyone moved on. They had their moment of joy, then they were playing again.

     The sound of, passing, running, shouting, celebration, and cries of anger and frustration soon filled the air. They finished playing, and Ivy didn’t majorly embarrass herself, and to her relief, there wasn’t a penalty shootout.

     While everyone was packing up, and changing out of their cleats, Ivy found her way to Reece, who was waiting for her carpool group. 

     “Hey, I really am sorry,” Ivy started. “I was just nervous and it’s hard to hear.”

     “No really, it's okay, I understand. It’s your first day. I can imagine myself doing the same thing.” Although Reece had seemingly moved on earlier, it made Ivy feel better to know Reece didn’t mind.

     “Bye Greece,” Ivy said with a wink and a smile. 

     Reece chuckled. “Bye Ivy, I'm excited for you to be on our team.” 

     “Yeah, me too.” The girls smiled at each other. Then, with that Reece left with her group. Eve was ready, so the two girls left together. Walking side by side. Just as they had when they arrived.

     As they left the building, Ivy chuckled at her past self. What was she so nervous about? Everything would be fine. She was surrounded by kind and amazing girls, and she couldn’t wait for her next practice.