It was the first time I killed, and it was an awful feeling. As a doctor we’re brainwashed to heal, not harm. So you have to know that it was only out of absolute necessity. 

I took the body up north into the forest. I told my husband it was for work. But he didn’t care, he hasn’t for a while now. That’s another awful feeling. The feeling of someone you love and planned a lifetime with pulling away. If I could have done it again I would have started with him, but you can’t change the past. And after all, this is all his fault. When driving I felt sick to my stomach and kept thinking to myself that I'm a terrible person. I found a place to park and started walking. In the forest I walked and walked for what felt like miles. It was getting dark and cold. The forest was still and quiet. Finally I found a spot I felt was remote enough. No trails nearby, no footprints, no campsites, it was perfect. 

The news reports started the monday after I came back. “Missing Woman, age 34, mother, brown hair.” I wasn’t all that worried because I had taken extra precautions. Like sleeping in my car and paying with cash to avoid a paper trail. I created an alibi for each of my friends. But her alibi was the one I had to worry about. I got her phone open and started texting people in her contact list. All the same excuse, she wanted to start a new life and had left. She felt bad for just walking out on everyone but felt this was the only way for her to get a fresh start and hoped everyone would understand. The last person I sent the text to was my husband. I didn’t want to scroll through the previous texts but I couldn’t help myself. It was everything I already knew but seeing hard evidence staring at me was different. It almost made my guilt wash away and it reminded me that this was absolutely necessary.