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Epilepsy
Sometimes, when my world begins to shake, I can avoid it. I can hold on to something, or focus really hard, or clench my hands into fists. But not today. Today, it took me over. My hands, my arms, and soon my torso are all convulsing, and I can't stop it. Normally I just get tics, but today, someone decided it was my turn to have a seizure. As my entire body shakes, I faintly hear a voice ring out 'Call 911! She's having a seizure!' I feel strong hands grip me, to stop me from shaking, but they can't stop it. No one can.
'What happened?', I asked. I know I had a seizure, but why and when are a bit fuzzy. It's my mom who tells me. 'Hon, during your seizure, you hit your head pretty hard. The doctors said you have a pretty severe concussion, and they've diagnosed you with epilepsy.' 'Oh, god.' I whisper. 'Mom, I'm so sorry. It's my fault. It's all my fault....'
And it's not, but she can't know that. No one can.
Because of me, -no. I can't think about it. Not anymore.
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This article has 4 comments.
Sorry it's taken me some time to get back with you. While your story is touching, it's pretty black and white. To add color, it'll need unique adjectives and some fresh metaphors. What do the emotions you feel do to you physically? If it were a color, what color would that emotion be? That color could flash across your eyes, like a crimson or a blinding silver.
How does your body shake? Is it like the limbs of a tree? Like the stretch of an accordion? The more images you give the reader to work with, the easier it will be for them to relate to you and to really FEEL the words you have to say. This is definitely a great start though, and I have faith that you'll be a really good writer some day soon!
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"When deep injury is done to us, we will never recover until we forgive. Forgiveness cannot change the past. But it does enlarge the future."- Mary Karen Read