I wish someone would answer, “Where is God?” Just one person, anyone who might have an inkling to help me understand. I mean, I’m a pretty smart kid. Top of the honor roll, great advice giver, and I’ve never been pickpocketed once while walking the streets of bustling New York City. I don’t get confused often, but God sure knows how to scramble me up.

I have not doubt that He exists. I’ve been brought up to always trust Him and praise Him. I read my bible daily, pray, and attend church faithfully. But where is He? I mean, come on, we worship Him, don’t we have the right to know His whereabouts?

My pastor once said, “God is everywhere. Omnipresent, everywhere at the same time. Infinite and everlasting.” Impressive word choices, but it didn’t clear up anything for me. If anything, it puzzled me further. How can he juggle the weight of the world He made? Trouble’s always brewing up and someone’s in need of help at all times. Sometimes I pray, wondering “Is God even listening? Maybe He’s too busy.” And then I feel selfish and stop praying. Is there someway I can schedule a meeting with God, if only for a few minutes, just to straighten out my issues and get a grip on the mess He let the devil impose on me?

The best place to meet with God must be church, right? So today I decided to get off my lazy Saturday-morning butt and seek the answers I desperately craved. I sat on the end of the first pew and focused. I gazed at the luminous stained-glass windows, the podium where speakers preach, the basin of water where folk get baptized, and the spot where Sis. Ekkel passed out when the speaker touched her forehead during a prayer line (the blanket they covered her with was still there). Gratefulness and surrealism filled me as I thought of how blessed I am to have God and my church. This place gives me a sense of serenity, like there’s nothing to worry about. Despite my issues at home, I’m still here and I love the Lord.

Though I could’ve sat and thought for hours, I realized I wasn’t getting the answer I came to uncover. So I stood up, thanked God for the experience, and left unsatisfied and disappointed.

As soon as I walked through my front door, chaos unraveled and erupted, and I had no choice but to talk down the one-way path it had rolled out just for me.

My parents were fighting yet again, spitting out piercing words like small flames. I hardly cared what they were talking about; I heard bits and pieces about paying the bills and how we’re about to go under, and something about his laziness and her endless complaints.

“You never help around here!” she screams.

“You’re talking s***, Linda!” Ouch—I hate when he cusses. “I pay the bills while you can’t even hold down a job!” my dad retorts.

“It doesn’t matter how long you work, ‘cause you blow it all on this one!” She grabs my arm roughly. “Spoiled rotten!”

“Let go of her, she ain’t doin’ nothing!”

“EXACTLY, ‘cause you baby her!” I start to defend myself. “SHUT UP!” she screeches in my face. She slaps me when I start to cry, which only makes me cry harder.

“I can’t take this no more, of you and your complaints and pulverizing our kid. Why did we even do this? You’re dead to me now, Linda. We’re gettin’ a divorce.”

“Fine by me, if we could AFFORD IT!”

“I’ll stay at my brother’s and Selena can come too if she wants to. Do ya, honey?” he looks at me with a soft expression. I snatch my arm out of mom’s grasp and run straight to my room. How could they fight like that right in front of me? I wish I hadn’t left church so soon. Church.

God, are you there? I ask this in my mind, then verbalize it. Suddenly, a wave of calm washes over me, and I feel the same serenity I felt in the sanctuary. My eyes brighten and a smile plays upon my lips as I instantly know the answer I’ve long searched for. I don’t need to look for God anywhere. I tilt my head as if leaning on his firm shoulder. He’s right here with me.