I found her the day she found out. I remember the day like it was

yesterday. When clearly it wasn’t. I was looking down through the clouds,

bored one day. Everyone seemed so distant that day. Like they knew

something was going to happen. I looked in on my family before I found

her. My mom had gotten out of bed for the first time since I left. My family

was all moving on, busy doing work and making things better for them.

Piece by piece. It made me feel good that they were ready to restart their

lives and to move on. Like they should.


She ran out of a huge building crying. About ten stories high. The

front of the building was all glass and windows. You could tell that you had

to have some money to be in that building. The building was very familiar

to me. I had been there about fifty times before. Before it caught up to me. I

knew every inch there was in the building. I could describe every piece of

art in perfect description just like I had been the one who drew it. Every

corner that ended in a dead end. Every door that make a creaking sound

when you open it slowly. I know things about the building that even the

owner may not even know. Its scary thinking about that. The sign on the

building read “New York Life Hospital”.


She was seated on a curb right outside the doors to the hospital. I

knew every detail of what she was thinking. I didn’t know her name at the

time but I knew she would soon be with me. I knew deep down inside me

that I was the only person that could save her when her life ended tragically.

The same way mine did. I could read her thoughts before they even came to

her own mind. She was telling herself over and over again that this couldn’t

be, that there had to be a mistake. I could tell that she had already been

through a lot.

Even though she was just getting started on a ride that would end as soon as

it started. Although it might seem like a life time, when it is all over you will

soon realize that it was way to short to ever had been true. She wiped her

tears just in time. A lady ran out the door toward her. It must have been her

mother because the girl wasn’t scared or frightened when she came up and

hugged her.

“Honey everything is going to be alright. Just trust me. Now come back in

and let’s see what else the doctor has to say,” her mother said as she ushered

her back into the building.



As soon as I saw her I was attached. I didn’t know her but I felt for

her. I felt for her in the oddest way possible. I knew that she would be

coming. I knew every feeling she was going through. Every detailed picture

that she kept in her mind that just couldn’t get away as hard as she tried. I

know her worries better than anyone else. I just couldn’t leave, not now. It

was like I would maybe, hopefully have someone with me who knew how I

felt and could relate to me.


She walked slowly up the stairs with her mother right at her side

where she would stay until the end. As she got to the door she slowed and

came to a stop.

“I can’t go back into that room, mom I just cant! You just don’t understand,”

the girl said and she was right. Her mom didn’t and couldn’t understand

what she had been going through and the reluctant horror that her mom will

never understand. She could only see the fear that was easily read by the

worry in her eyes. She didn’t know what was in front of her in her life but

she knew what ever it was, it could not be good.

“Bethany, you have to, we have to know. Tell me what’s wrong,” Bethany’s

mother said. Immediately after she said that she wished she hadn’t. What her

mother wanted more than anything was to at least make Bethany believe

that she knew how she was feeling and could relate in someway. She knew

Bethany is strong but will melt when she has to much weight put on her. If

Bethany knew that her mother didn’t understand then she wouldn’t tell her

anymore and would just simply shut her out. Her mother only wanted to be

someone to her during this time. Someone that she could tell anything to

and knew she would always be by her side.

“You don’t understand and never will. When I walk into his office it makes

me feel like he is telling me to sit down and get ready to die. Nothing he has

said was any reassuring. It makes me feel like all my defenses are down and

will never get back up, like he can try anything but nothing will work. You

don’t understand that,” Bethany said as she started crying again. Her mother

looked away like she was hurt a little but understood what Bethany meant.

“I am trying to understand but your not letting me.”

“I am not going in there again. I’ll be waiting in the car,” Bethany said with

her hand out waiting for the keys.

“No, I am sorry but you need to hear what the doctors have to say to you,”

her mother argued.


As they enter the second room on the right off of a very long hallway,

there were two men dressed in white jackets sitting behind two large

wooden desks. As you would see in any doctor’s office. But these doctors

were different. They are the best of their kind. It cost about fifty dollars for

every visit you have. I had seen both of the them and remember going

through the same procedure that Bethany is about to go through. First Dr.

Bellmore would tell you straight away that you had cancer. In this firm,

grasp voice that makes you think does he really care or lately has he had to

tell a little too many people the same thing that he just told Bethany?

Second he would tell you what he would do to try and get the cancer to go

away or at least make the chances go up. Third he would pass on the rest of

the conversation to Dr. Reed who would step by step explain the procedures

that he would take. Dr. Reed is the surgeon and Dr. Bellmore is the doctor

who tells the bad news and explains what cancer is. Lastly Dr. Reed tells

you what you can do and what you can do when you have cancer. There is a

great difference between the two doctors. Dr. Reed is my favorite. He is in

his twenties but not attractive at all. He is nicer than Dr. Bellmore and more

confident. I have always been more closer to Dr. Reed then Dr. Bellmore.

We would always have about ten minutes before every visit just talk. He

would tell me about his life. He has a girlfriend that he has been with for

about two years and lives in an apartment. One day I asked him why he

lives in an apartment because I always though that doctors made tons of

money way more than my parents made together. He replied saying that he

has only been a doctor for about two years now and is still paying off

medical school and just doesn’t get enough money yet.

Dr. Bellmore on the other hand is around his fifties or sixties.

He is a lonely doctor who doesn’t have a wife, kids, or any pets. He lives in

a mansion on the “better” side of town. He has millions of dollars. Which is

the big and main reason they are very different. Dr. Bellmore has been in

this field a very long time and the longer and richer you get in this field the

harder it is to care as much as you did before when you didn’t have much

money and really cared about every patient that they see. I truly believe that

Dr. Reed does care. The main reason they are alike is the worst reason

people can be alike.

They both never ever say your chances of living are good or things that

relate to living or they never say anything about dying and the bad chances.

I think that Dr. Reed only doesn’t say stuff like that because he is afraid that

if he does it makes kids think that it will be ok and that they might just live

through all of this. He just doesn’t want them to get their hopes up and when

stuff doesn’t go their way in the end they blame it on him. But I think that

Dr. Bellmore doesn’t say it because he doesn’t believe that kids or people

who do have cancer will live through it and if they do then they are very,

very lucky people.


Dr. Bellmore was in the middle of telling her what cancer was when

she ran out. It wasn’t surprising when she did. Many people run out at that

part because it is just to much. I remember when I was in that position and I

remember running out to. Dr. Reed said I was one of the few that year. That

was two years ago on this day of June twenty- forth two thousand and three.

My grandmother had come to take me to the doctor that day because both

my parents had to work. My grandmother was sixty- seven then and

couldn’t walk well. When I ran out I had no one to run after me like Bethany

did. Dr. Reed was the one who ran after me that day. Dr. Bellmore said that I

would get tired of waiting for someone to come after me after a while but

my grandmother told them how strong I was and that I wasn’t going to come

back in on my own. She said that she would go but Dr. Reed said that he

would. I was sitting on the curb that Bethany was seated at when Dr. Reed

got outside of the building. He came up to me and sat down beside me. It

felt weird having someone see me cry that wasn’t my mother or my father.

For some reason I cant cry in front of someone other than my parents

because as soon as he sat down and saw me crying I immediately stopped.

My mom calls me weird because the day before I went to the doctor my

mom took me out for some mother daughter time just to get my spirit up. We

went out to eat then to see a movie. We saw this movie that was about a girl

who died and how her family moves on. My mom cried all the way through

the movie but I didn’t even shed a tear. Don’t get me wrong I felt sorry for

them and was definetly sad but just couldn’t cry with a whole movie theater

full of people.


Dr. Reed and I didn’t talk for a while but just when I thought he

wouldn’t make me go back in he finally said something.

“ Do you want to know the reason why I wanted to be a cancer specialist?”

he asked.

“ Sure,” I answer. I didn’t know if he heard me because my voice was so

shaky and I didn’t want him to see that. But I guess he did because after a

few seconds he continued.


“ When I was eleven my sister got cancer. She was only seven. She was my

everything. So many siblings fight for such stupid reasons… well that

wasn’t us. We were closer than anyone would ever think. Both my parents

worked until seven everyday so when we got home from school we had to

occupy ourselves. Her name was Tera. It was the worst part of my life.

Everything turned upside down for us. For the longest time I blamed her for

getting cancer when I should have been blaming the cancer. On April third

the doctors told us their was nothing else they could do. All of the surgeries

and procedures just weren’t working. It was just a matter of time. I stopped

talking to her after that. She died on May twenty- seventh nineteen eighty-

eight. She was only eight then. All that month I hadn’t talked to her. In a

way I was mad at her for separating our family. My mom left us two months

after Tera died. Life has never been the same since. April fourth was the last

day I talked to her before she died,” Dr. Reed said. He was looking straight

so I couldn’t tell if he was crying or not.

“I am sorry,” was all I could get out. I wasn’t sure why he told me that

because all it did was make me even more scared. Now I know.

“Its ok. Now the pain I feel fills with knowledge and urge. Urge to find

cures for cancer. I couldn’t save her but now I am determined to save other

kids just like her. You are strong and a fighter and she wasn’t.