Give Him a Place Up There | Teen Ink

Give Him a Place Up There

July 8, 2010
By MaryTD PLATINUM, Burns, Oregon
MaryTD PLATINUM, Burns, Oregon
42 articles 68 photos 105 comments

Favorite Quote:
"To be great you must first be good."

"I'm not going to stay dead the rest of my life!" - Theo in The Kestrel

Dear God

I am so sorry. I am so so sorry. I will never drive again. I did not mean to. It was an accident I swear, but that does not justify it. I am so sorry. I am an awful person.

In the Ten Commandments it says Thou Shall Not Kill. I broke one of your commandments. I am an awful person. I do not deserve to live. Please, I am so sorry. How could this have happened? How could I have done such a thing?

On the streets there were signs, God. I saw them. Deaf Child at Play. I knew there was a little kid around. I tried to be careful. I drove slow. I tried. It was an accident. I had driven through the street a hundred times; I always looked where I was going. I don’t know how it happened. I am so sorry. I caused so much pain. I caused so much misery. I am an awful person. I do not deserve to live.

I had seen him before. He was just a little kid, God, with life ahead of him. He was like, eight, God, eight. He was small. He was full of energy. He was full of life and love and happiness and eagerness and faith. He was the joy to his parents, his teachers, his babysitter, his friends. He was the definition of joy.

And I took it away.

Oh Lord, I am an awful person. I remember it all. I saw him in the yard. I slowed down anyway, but in a second he was in front of me. I remember it all. The squeal. The brakes. The thump. The end of a life for a child. The end of the world.

Dear Lord God Almighty, I am so sorry. Help his family. Help all those he knew. Help his friends and teachers and neighbors. But do not help me. I don’t deserve it. I am not worth the trouble, what a low person am I. Oh Lord, give him a place up there with you. Oh Lord.

I’m sure there are cars in Hell.

The author's comments:
This is the kind of guilt one feels whenever you hit a rabbit or something with your car. the kind of guilt i feel when my cat catches a praying mantis, and i rescue it too late; too late to live, but still not dead, and i have to watch it suffer. This is guilt, and it is awful forever.

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