I step up to the microphone, the entire room pitch black. I can sense the bodies below breathing, anticipation rolling through the room. I can feel the presences of the others behind me, taking their places. And when the last person is in position the spot light clicks and aluminates the stage, aluminates me.

The light paints the first row of faces in the crowd in shadows. My heart rate spikes and adrenaline pushes through valves and veins setting my whole body trembling. The drummer begins to punch out a beat and closely following it, the guitarist and bassist strum the beginning chords. A few heavy breathes intense the fear of knowing I’m next. I watch the front row faces grow wide with excitement. Somewhere I can hear screaming, but it sounds so far away. I look around and see the encouraging faces behind me and I know I can do this.

I take a deep breath, open my mouth, and let the lyrics flash across my mind.

“Let the darkness lift,
And let the sun open wide.
Accept the fire within,
And never let you go.

Pull me in, watch me fall;
Giving in, letting go.
My hearts against the wall,
Never let-ting me know!
My wings spread out,
But never let me fly-y-y-y-y!

The silence drifts away,
And your voice calls my name.
I let the music inside,
Spread and come to life.

Pull me in, watch me fall;
Giving in, letting go.
My hearts against the wall,
Never let-ting me know!
My wings spread out,
But never let me fly-y-y-y-y!


I know what you do,
Can’t always be true.
But I’ll throw my pride,
Away, away, away, away, away-y-y-y!”


I push myself away from the mic and let the music sway me around. The guitarist blasts out his solo. I walk up to all of them, offer a thankful glance and push myself to dance all over stage. The drummer pushes the beat and when the guitar solos over, he spews a drum solo. I walk back up to the mic and when the last clash plays the room gets quite. The bassist plays a beat and I push my mouth close to the mic.

“Pull me in, watch me fall;
Giving in, letting go.
My hearts against the wall,
Never let-ting me know!
My wings spread out,
But never let me fly-y-y-y-y!


What can I say to you,
That would have you at my side?
Tell me what to do,
Cause I’m just not sure.

Pull me in, watch me fall;
Giving in, letting go.
My hearts against the wall,
Never let-ting me know!
My wings spread out,
But never let me fly-y-y-y-y!


Just push open the door,
And let the rain fall in.
I take one big step away,
But my heart won’t let me runaway!

Pull me in, watch me fall;
Giving in, letting go.
My hearts against the wall,
Never let-ting me know!
My wings spread out,
But never let me fly-y-y-y-y!
No never let me fly away-y-y-y.”


And the band finishes their final chords. For a brief second all is quite. Then suddenly they’re cheering and clapping and jumping and down with excitement. I smile and it feels like all the hard times in the past was worthwhile, worth it for this.