The Fight to Belong | Teen Ink

The Fight to Belong

November 16, 2010
By I_am_the_only_me GOLD, Bakersfield, California
I_am_the_only_me GOLD, Bakersfield, California
15 articles 0 photos 20 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Risk more than others think is safe. Care more than others think is wise. Dream more than others think is practical. Expect more than others think is possible. " ~ Cadet Maxim
that's an awesome quote learn it, love it, live by it.

Tightening the lace to the fabric around her waist she groans in pain. Once I tighten this enough I will be beautiful, I will be normal, I will be accepted, she thought to herself. She pulled the fabric so tight around her waist she could barely breath, good, she thought, I'm getting better at this.
"Hannah are you almost done in there? Hurry or we'll be late!" Her mom yells.
"I'm almost done, Mom." She says with a sarcastic tone.
She tightens the lace one more time, tucks it in, and pulls on her shirt. She looks one last time in the mirror and applys more make-up, with a face like this, you can never have too much. She opens the bathroom door and grabs her backpack.
" So, she is still alive!" Her mom says and her dad laughs.
Her dad is reading the morning paper and drinking coffee, he may only be 40 years old, but he's already going bald. She sees the light gray hair slowly covering the dark brown hair, everyday. She studies her mom, beautiful long brown hair with haizel eyes. She knows for a fact she took after her mom, haizel eyes are the proof of it. She only got her dad's curly hair.
" Bye, dad." she mutters and she's out the door toward the car, off to high scchool to act like I'm not insecure an have self-esteem, she thought to herself.
" So are you ready for another long day?" Her mom says opening the door to the car.
" Yeah, I love to see all my friends.".
" Thats great, Honey." Her mom smiles plesantly.
Her mom turns up the radio. She covers her ears slowly so it's not noticable, I can't listen to this... I can't listen to 'Stand In The Rain' by Superchick... I'm going to cry...
The car stops.
" Bye, have a wonderful day at school, I love you."
" Bye." She opens the car door and wobbles out. The car disapears. And the wondeful world of highschool is back...
" Hannah! Over here!" Sydney yells.
She ignores her and pretends she didn't hear her and continues walking toward the navy blue gates. As she approaches she looks at every person talking in groups.
She's so skinny. She's so beautiful. She is way better than me, why can't I look like that?
She walks faster, but every girl she sees is another blow on the punching bag: her self-esteem.
She's in a panic, walking really fast toward the bathroom. Almost there...A little bit closer...Ten more feet..
" Hey, Hannah." Game over.
" Hi, Anthony."
" How are you?" He smiles.
" I'm good, but I was just on my way to the bathroom, I was looking for Sydney." Another lie. I'm probably going to go to hell, but i don't care.
" Really? Sydney was like right by the gate, I coul-"
" No thanks, can I talk to you later? I have to use the restroom."
" Sure, see you in geometry?"
" Of course, byyee." She replies walking into the bathroom. She closes the door to one of the dirty stalls, takes off her shirt, and tightens the lace. Just a little bit further and I'll be like all the other beautiful girls, she beckons herself. She pulls the laces so tight, she thought she heard one of her ribs crack. Perfect. She puts on her shirt, It's baggy on her this time. She grabs her backpack, ignoring the horrible pain she's in an walks her compressed body outside.
When she walks outside she seems to get everyone's attention. That's not good, she spectates, they all are probably staring at me thinking 'fat pig go away or die' or things like 'how could a person get so ugly an fat, I'd hate to be her.
Their eyes seem to penetrate her, she runs back into the bathroom, only to find out directly what they were staring at.
Not good, so much pain, bare it, how else will you be beauiful? Beauty is pain, right?
She stares at the blood drenched T-shirt. She takes it off and finds a blood-red fabric and lace wrapped aroud her waist. She takes off the lace and fabric.
It's only a broken rib that is sticking out a little. Have I gone crazy?
She pushes hard against the bone sticking out. She's in tears by the time she has it all the way back inside. She puts back on the fabric and lace an tightens it tighter than she ever has before and ties it. When she's putting back on her shirt she feels a sharp pain as the bone is being wedged into one of her organs. Slowly, as she sits in the dirty bathroom stall, she is killed from the inside out. In her last words she mumbles, " Skinny...beautiful." Then she takes her last breath and suddenly the fight to belong is over.

The author's comments:
So many people strive to be the perfect image, when they already are in their own true way.
"Risk more than others think is safe. Care more than others think is wise. Dream more than others think is practical. Expect more than others think is possible."
~Cadet Maxim

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