the sky is blue and i can’t find you to tell you that the clouds are covering up the sun
i tried to call you but i can’t remember your phone number or if you even have a phone
i wanted to tell you that my head feels like oatmeal that’s been sitting out too long and i also maybe wanted to add that i have been crying a lot and i don’t know why
and i sit on my bed and i stare at the ceiling and i wait for you to come in and read me a story
it’s way past my bed time and i can barely keep my eyes open but i really think it’s worth it so I wait a little longer
but i wake up and its light outside and i start crying again because i think i missed you
maybe you came into my room and saw i was asleep so you left again and now my pillows wet and it smells like sadness
you’d tell me it can’t smell like sadness, but i think it can, because, i’m sorry, it does
maybe i’ll grab your old MP3 player, i don’t know how to work it, but i’ll figure it out cus’ you always said i was smart
i’m going to try to listen to some music, because i never really did before and now i think i want to
i’ll say it now, that you make the best raspberry jelly and cream -cheese sandwiches and no one else can make it as good and now i don’t really want to eat them at all because they remind me of you, which makes me cry all over again.
Also, i don’t know what to do with myself. When i make forts and pretend i’m shooting off to the moon, you’re not there to climb inside, even though you were a little big
plus, i had a nightmare last night about fire -orange and red fire like when he lights the wood in our pit outside
except I could hear you talking to me and as hard as i try, i can’t remember what you were saying
i start first grade tomorrow, but he has to go to work, so there is no one to walk me to class and speak to my teacher and let me hide behind their legs as i stare anxiously at my new classmates
and also, i don’t know what to tell them, when they ask where you are, because i don’t even know, and i thought you ‘otta have told me where you went, because all i remember is that fire and your voice and the sky outside and the trees and the sun and the clouds and I was happy
but he says that was a very long time ago and we cry to together and we miss you and do you think the other kids will notice that i smell like sadness?