I was always an outsider. I never really fitted in. At school, I was bullied because of the way I acted... the way I talked... the way I looked... everything. At home, I was always called useless and a waste of space. I have seven brothers and sisters and all of them are good at something. Well, all of them except for me. I always injured myself at sport. If i tried to play an instrument, I was out of time. I draw like a three year old.
I went to college and I was just ignored. I was that girl who sat at the back of the room that nobody noticed. I sat and watched everyone else live. They went to parties, had sleepovers, joined a band, passed their exams, and did all of that without even saying hello to me.
I was bitter. I hated myself for being me. So, I went to university. I completely changed. I wasn't going to be that loser anymore.
First I went shopping. I usually hated shopping and never knew where to go, but I heard about New Look and River Island a lot at college. I figured I should start there. I bought five pairs of skinny jeans, four pair of shorts, three pairs of patterned leggings, two cardigans, nine tops, five pairs of shoes, two bags, three necklaces, ten bracelets, a ring, four headbands and two dresses. It cost a small fortune, but I figured it would be enough to start my new wardrobe.
I moved onto Boots and bought some foundation, concealer, lip gloss, mascara, eyeliner, and seven different nail polishes. I would figure out how to use them once I got home. I spent my last couple of quid on some hairspray and planned to borrow one of my sister hair straighteners.
Once I got home, the make-over began. I dressed down into my underwear, which was very plain and embarrassing bra and girl boxers. I'd forgot to pick up some new ones. I must remember to do that next time I'm in town.
I think this was the first time that I realized I didn't have a bad figure. Actually, I had a very good figure. My hips were maybe a bit too wide and my ankles too skinny, but apart from that, I liked it.
I spent the next hour putting together outfits. I wasn't too bad at this. I did get a lot of help from the fashion magazines that my sister seamed to collect.
I then moved onto my hair. It was a lot harder than it looked, but eventually I'd tamed my usual scraggly curls into long straight hair that ended in slight waves to give it a bit of body. I sprayed an awful amount of hairspray to keep it like that, but it still looked good.
My make-up was surprisingly easy. I wiped on foundation until all my blemishes were covered and my skin looked even. I then smudged some eyeliner under my eyes, which instantly made them look bigger and helped to outline them by adding a bit of mascara. I smeared a bit of lip gloss on my lips and I was finished. I didn't bother with nail varnish. I could do that later. I stepped back and stared at myself in the mirror. A very beautiful girl stared back. I blinked a couple of times and burst into a smile. I looked good. I looked better than good. I looked amazing. I couldn't wait to start university looking like this.
***
I could feel everyone staring. I resisted from ducking my head and hiding, like I normally would. I took a breath, stood tall and held my head up high. I liked this. The attention was amazing.
It took me a while to realize that the people staring were also sneering and laughing and worse of all pointing. I froze for a second then took off to the bathroom. I looked in the mirror and almost cried at what I saw. My hair was frizzy and gone slightly singed at the ends. My foundation was patchy and was too dark for my skin tone. I had panda eyes from all the eyeliner and my tears were causing it to streak down my face. My lip gloss was an horrid orange color and was smudged around my mouth. I looked down and saw how horribly my outfit clashed.
Had I always looked like this? Was it just an illusion? Where was that beautiful girl I'd saw in the mirror? I then realized, I hadn't recreated myself. I'd tried to make myself look like one of my beautiful sisters. That's who I saw in the mirror. That wasn't me. I was just some stupid girl, who was way out of her depth. The tears fell down my face faster as I broke down. I'd failed. I'm never going to be normal.