You Really Love Me? | Teen Ink

You Really Love Me?

December 3, 2013
By Lilly_Cat BRONZE, Indianapolis, Indiana
Lilly_Cat BRONZE, Indianapolis, Indiana
1 article 0 photos 16 comments

My fingers clutched at the tiny, paper note. These weren't the kind of words you would expect Chloe to write. It was a cry for help. I read them over and over again, staring in disbelief. In one corner of the paper there were blood stains and you could see where the paper had been wet from her tears. I stared at it just a little longer and then shoved it away and ran quickly to the bus stop.


After I got home, I ran to my bedroom and slammed the door. I quickly got out my cell phone to ask Chloe what's up.

"Hey. Wat was that note all about"

"Jasmine. Last night my parents got in a fight. They were screaming, swearing and breaking things."

"What happened after that?"

"They split up. I was looking out the window and I saw my day's car driving away. He never came back."

I was speechless

"R u still there?"

"Yea sorry. Hey do u want to come over?"

"Yea sure! I'll be there in an hour"

The door bell rang and it was Chloe.
I opened the door and she smiled shyly.
"Hi" she said
I hugged her.
"How are you?" I asked
She shook her head and sighed.
"Let's go to my room and we'll talk about it, Okay?"
"Yeah sure"
I led her up stairs to my bedroom and sat down with her. I took out the note.
"Why is there blood on here?" I asked
"Ummm..I don't know"
"Come on. Tell me"
"Well I just..I know.."
"Like..I don't know."
"Is this your blood?" I asked
"Why were you bleeding?"
"Well because I know"
she said while she rolled up her shirt sleeve revealing about twenty-something small cuts on her wrist.
"I knew it" I sighed.
"Jasmine, I just can't take the pain!" She said, nearly crying.
"Everything will be okay! You just have to give it time."
She was crying now and sighed.
"You don't understand"
"Why so?" I asked
"Jasmine, my dad can't stand to live with me. He didn't love me and he was my dad! If my dad couldn't love me then who else can?!"
"I understand how you feel. But that's not true."
"How do you even know?!" She cried
"Because they're a bunch of people who love and care about you, Chloe!"
"You're just saying that."
No I am not!" I argued
"Fine then! Who does?! Who loves me?!"
"I do!"
"No you don't" she mumbled
"Chloe, I love you!"
"Prove it! Prove to me how far you would go to love me!"
"You can't see love! You feel it!"
"So? You can still prove to me that you love me!"
I stared at her for a while. She had tears streaming down her face and they weren't slowing down anytime soon
I sighed. Was I really going to do this? She was so upset and she needs it but what if she took it the wrong way? I sighed again and decided it had to happen.
"It's okay." I whispered as I wiped away her tears and while my hands were still on her cheeks I pulled her in for a kiss. I kissed her lips tenderly and she kissed back the same way. I ran my hands down her back as we kissed. It lasted for a while until I gently pulled away.
"I love you too" she said
She started to relax in my arms.
"Sweetie, your beautiful" I said to her
"Thanks. You are too"
"I'm not a lesbian by the way. I just did that for you."
"Well I'm not in either."
"Yeah I know" I replied
"It's okay to love each other...and kiss on occasion. Your closer to me than any other person on this earth" Chloe said
"If that's the case then, it shall be." I said
"I'm so tired." Chloe sighed
"We should go to sleep" I replied
"I'm okay with that"
I changed into my pajamas and let Chloe borrow an extra set. I pulled back the bed cover and climbed in. Chloe cuddled up next to me
"So you really love me?" She asked
"Yes I do"
"I'll believe it now" she sighed happily. We laid face to face together. I put my arm around her and caressed her hair. See gently grabbed my hip and pulled me closer to her. I grabbed her other hand with mine.
"I love you too" Chloe whispered

The author's comments:
I know I'm not a good writer but I thought that the story line of this piece was pretty good. Please rate and comment. Thanks!

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This article has 6 comments.

on Jan. 6 2014 at 8:51 pm
ImAKeeper SILVER, Missouri City, Texas
6 articles 0 photos 30 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I am the master of my fate. I am the captain of my soul."- William Ernest Henley

I think the dialogue really helps define this story. You had lots of really nice phrases that impact the reader but there were a lot of places where I felt that some of the dialogue was unnecesary. Also, work on your grammar and punctuation a little bit. I know it sounds tedious but it goes a long way in helping the reader keep the flow. Other than that, I think you have a very creative and unique storyline. Personally, I really liked the story. Good job and keep working at it!

on Jan. 4 2014 at 5:21 pm
Carly_Elizabeth PLATINUM, Othello, Washington
39 articles 0 photos 131 comments

Favorite Quote:
"And above all, watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely places. Those who don't believe in magic will never find it."
Roald Dahl

The story of this is great. I like it a lot actually. You just need to keep going with it. Just a little advice that I say everyone should work on cause everyone really should is "show not tell" Try to show that Chloe was crying instead of just say "She was crying" by saying "Her body shook as wet trails formed on her cheeks." It brings a little life to the story. Keep on writing!

on Dec. 28 2013 at 7:48 pm
Myvoice4change SILVER, Other, Other
9 articles 3 photos 164 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Everything will be ok in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end."

There are a few spots where the spelling isn't correct, however you did a really good job with the dialogue, and drawing the reader into the story.

on Dec. 27 2013 at 9:51 pm
NaaThompson GOLD, Allston, Massachusetts
10 articles 0 photos 74 comments

Favorite Quote:
If you don't like someone's story, write your own. -Chinua Achebe

  I think you can continue to develop this story. Tell us what happens next and add more suspense to give it a great climax. Overall it was a job well done

on Dec. 27 2013 at 9:47 pm
NaaThompson GOLD, Allston, Massachusetts
10 articles 0 photos 74 comments

Favorite Quote:
If you don't like someone's story, write your own. -Chinua Achebe

  Good story. You did a great job describing the events

on Dec. 11 2013 at 2:31 pm
Famous-in-Training SILVER, Mount Calvary, Wisconsin
5 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
"When I came here I just wanted to win one, and I still do...The next one." -John Miller

This was a pretty good story. It kept me interested the whole way through. On a side note, I think that was sort of a nice, loving twist in the end as well. Check out my short story please and comment what you think. It's titled Long Lost. I think you have good potential to be a writer. Just keep writing. Whether you think it's good or bad because the more you write the better you get. =)