I’ve never really appreciated the beauty of fall before. The leaves change from bright greens to fiery reds, calming browns, and warm yellows. The cool breezes free them from their trees, allowing them to dance in the wind and fall graciously to the ground. It’s odd; we find the seasonal scent of freshly descended leaves a charming one, yet all we really smell are the leaves’ last breaths before they blow in the wind for the last time.

I notice these things for the first time as I make my way up the stairs and into school, taking one last breath of fresh air before entering the building.

When I walk through the door I smile at the security guard, but he doesn’t notice because he’s talking on the phone. I walk through a pasty hallway to my locker, noticing all the different clubs that are being advertised on the walls. I was never really one of those people who took interest in those kinds of things. I mean, there was a point when I was in the science club, but I think I mostly did it because it looked good for college.

I arrive at my locker and smile, remembering the first time I walked these halls.

“Haley, can you believe it?” my friend Maya gushed, grabbing onto my arm and jumping up and down. Even though I was trying to be cool, I was just as excited as she was.

“I know, I can’t believe we’re finally in high school!” I replied. We continued to walk down the unfamiliar halls, trying to locate our lockers, ones we would have for the next four years.

“Oh! I see yours!” Maya squealed, running up to what I could only assume was locker 1-074. I ran after her, finding her staring at my new locker.

“What?” I asked, tilting my head as I gazed at what seemed to be the object of her interest. She turned to face me, a very serious look on her face.

“Haley, this is not just some ordinary piece of metal on a wall; this is your locker,” she answered me, as if this explained everything. I gave her a weird look.

“Yes, I know that,” I replied, trying to figure out why she was acting like this was the most important thing she had ever said to me.

“Don’t you see?” she put her hand on my shoulder. “This is your locker. This is the place that we’ll meet before class, after class, during lunch, during class even! This is the place where I’ll hang up posters for your birthday. This is the place where you might have your first kiss!” she squeaked. Yup, that was Maya for you, always the romantic. “Don’t you see? This is your personal space, a place you can make your own!” she finished, her eyes sparkling.

I looked at her with a straight face, but after a few seconds I couldn’t contain it anymore and burst out laughing.

“You laugh now, but you’ll see. YOU. WILL. SEE.” She stomped off, probably in search of her own locker. I just rolled my eyes and started after her.

I see Maya at her locker now, looking into her mirror and applying lip-gloss while our friend Ariel tells her something, probably about a show she watched last night.

The bells rings, and there is a frenzied rush to get to class since no one wants to have a tardy on their permanent record. I don’t really worry about that so much anymore.

When the hall finally clears, you can hear a pin drop. I pass my locker and come to the science room, or more specifically, the Bio room. Looking through the window, I can see the naïve freshmen taking out their books and quieting down.

I took biology in 9th grade, too; in fact, it was one of my favorite classes. I loved how everything in the body seemed to have a purpose, from the tiniest enzymes to the entirety of the digestive system. The only thing I didn’t understand was how cancer worked: how can there be something dangerous and useless growing in the body that isn’t even recognized by the immune system as a threat? How can a small growth of dysfunctional cells eventually become a monster that the body doesn’t even realize is causing harm? How can something like that be allowed to go on for so long without notice?

I pass the Bio room, leaving my nostalgia behind me as I make my way down the stairs to the lunchroom. You know, for a public school, our food is pretty good. We have pizza, a salad bar, wraps, and so many other options to choose from everyday. But I have to say, my personal favorite are their brownies.

“What did you guys think of the world history test?” Ariel asked us one day while we waited in line. During lunch, Maya, Ariel, Debbie and I always met at the end of the lunch line so that none of us had to end up waiting in line alone.

“It was impossible! Did you get number 45?” Debbie asked us, trying to figure out what the right answer was.

“Can we not talk about it? I really don’t want to think about it anymore,” Maya said, taking a few dollars out of her wallet. We all agreed that that would be best.

“Did you see what Jessie is wearing today? God, she looks like she took a bath in glue and jumped into a pile of feathers. She looks like a freaking bird,” Ariel said. We all laughed at the image.

We got to the salad bar, and Ariel ordered her usual salad with dressing on the side. We continued down the line, Debbie and Maya both picking up a veggi-wrap. Finally, we got to the pizza station, and I ordered a slice of pizza. The brownies were always right near the register, tempting you to make a last minute purchase of chocolaty goodness. I took one and placed it on my tray. We all paid and went to sit down at the usual table.

Right before I was about to take a bite of my brownie from heaven, Ariel gave me a disgusted look and rolled her eyes.

“What?” I asked, confused.

“Nothing, it’s just, wow, Haley. I mean, a brownie, really? Don’t you think you have enough acne already?” Ariel snorted, sticking her fork violently into her salad, the dressing left forgotten on the side.

“She’s right, you know. Ever since they started serving those things here your jeans have been looking extra snug,” Debbie chimed in, opening her wrap and using a fork to pick out the vegetables. I looked over at Maya to see if she agreed with them, and one glance told me that she did.

“Oh, well thanks for telling me guys,” I said gratefully. I got up and walked over to the garbage, brownie in hand. Taking one last wistful look at it, I let it fall into the garbage. At least I had friends who really cared about me.

I gaze over at the brownie table now before moving on. I head over to the library, my favorite place in the building. This place was here for me when nothing else was, always providing a quiet sanctuary for me to get away from reality and into a good book.

I walk in, easily getting past the librarian. I head towards the back, trying to find my favorite spot to sit and read. I pass by the windows and stop to look at my reflection; even though I barley have one, I can see my pale face staring back at me. No matter how much I want to, I am unable to walk away from myself. I can’t help but stare into the empty eyes blinking at me, stare at the person I’ve become.

I walked down the halls towards Ariel, Maya, and Debbie who were standing by Maya’s locker laughing.

“What’s up guys?” I asked them, readjusting my backpack on my shoulder. They instantly went silent, and Maya avoided my eyes.

“Is everything ok?” I asked, confused.

“No, everything’s not ok. We told you to stop talking to us, Haley. All you do is follow us around like a lost puppy dog, begging for our attention. We aren’t friends, so stop pretending like we are. We wouldn’t be friend’s with someone like you,” Ariel sneered. I looked over at Maya, tears in my eyes. Was this really happening?

“Maya?” I whimpered, pleading with my eyes. This had to be some kind of joke. Ariel talked to me like that all the time; how was I supposed to know if she was being serious?

“Just leave us alone Haley,” Maya whispered, shutting her locker.

“I don’t understand,” I choked out. I felt like such a moron. I should have seen this coming. How could I have still believed I was friends with the people who suddenly ignored me in the halls, got up and left me at the lunch table if I sat down, and told me how worthless I was at every chance they got? I must really have been as worthless as they said.

By the time I came to this conclusion in my head, I saw that they had already gone down the hall, laughing at a joke that I never heard.

Someone walks through me as the library begins to fill up again. Well, my friends got what they wanted; no one will ever have to put up with me again.