The groom loved flamingoes.

This was not something he would really advertise about himself. He did not have any flamingo tattoos, or a flamingo-patterned tie, or even a bumper sticker declaring that he “brakes for flamingoes.” Rather, this was something you slowly came to learn about him, identifying the handful of clues—trips to the zoo slipped into his weekly schedule like visits to a secret lover; a steadily growing stash of flamingo memorabilia bulging under his bed—and assembling them into a grim, feathery picture of a man whose sanity you suddenly found deeply in question.

A man who really loved flamingoes.

But there were worse people to marry, thought the bride. At least he wasn’t a hoarder, or a Scientologist, or that character on “My Strange Addiction” who liked dressing up like a baby. And besides, the man was honest, and kind-hearted, and hard-working. Really, what more could you ask for?

This, however, seemed like a bridge too far.

Convincing the people who ran the zoo had been trouble enough. It had taken their best skills of persuasion, countless assurances from the groom that he had “experience” in this area, and ultimately several thousand dollars. Now, not for the first time, the bride was seriously doubting whether it was worth it.

She knew it was going to be frustrating. When her friends told her it was a terrible idea, she would acknowledge the difficulties but insist that things would work out in the end. This was usually when they would inform her that they weren’t referring to the plans for the wedding, but rather to her decision to marry the man. She ignored them.

The friends she could convince to come would probably never talk to her again after today. Half the bridesmaids now had filthy pond water splashed all over their dresses. Her own gown had a long tear at the bottom where one of those bloody birds had tried to eat the thing. The cake, of course, was in tatters, the little bride-and-groom statuette long since pillaged (and nearly choked on) by one of the pink fowl. Her wedding ring had been lost for a brief and terrifying moment when one of the birds grabbed the case from the ring bearer, and she’d been forced to wrest the thing from the iron grip of the creature’s beak, which must have looked extremely elegant.

What really got to her, though, were the people watching.

All those negotiations, and they’d forgotten to ask the zookeeper to close the zoo.

“What’re you looking at?!” she shrieked up at them, making a rude gesture as another tourist’s camera flashed. “Haven’t you ever seen a wedding in the flamingo exhibit before?”