In French Lick Indiana there isn’t much but farmland and local high school sports. The football tradition at Spring Valleys High School isn’t very well known. My brother Trevor is a great football player, going into his junior year he weighed 230 pounds and stood tall at six foot three inches. Trevor is a linebacker for our hometown Blackhawks. Starting as a sophomore he led the team in tackles. Earning all-state first team he was entering junior year as a top 25 prospect at middle linebacker.

The summer of 1986 changed my whole family’s lives forever. I finished my freshman year as the quarterback of the junior varsity team at Spring Valleys. Going into sophomore year I was sitting as the second quarterback on the depth chart behind Trevor’s best friend, Austin O’Leary. I lived in Trevor’s shadow throughout our young childhood. Trevor is and always has been stronger, taller and more outspoken than me.

Trevor likes to party, I’m not talking about pin the tail on the donkey, or just a nice dinner kind of party I mean somebody’s parents left town for the weekend and there’s going to be alcohol and drugs kind of party. Trevor never got into the drugs, but oh boy did he enjoy his beer. Trevor is only one year older than me and we shared a bedroom until I was in 8th grade so we are pretty close. I know what he does on weekends and normally I drive him around when he gets drunk, but this time it was different. All of freshman year I had been crushing hard on this girl named Kayla Stokke, I finally got the nerve to ask her out earlier this week and she accepted. Kayla is a year ahead of me and she is gorgeous. She has dirty blonde hair and big blue eyes. Her face is nice and she isn’t the most popular girl mostly because she is shy. Kayla rarely talks in class, but when she does, everybody listens because she speaks in a soft tone. Trevor gives me hell about Kayla because she wears glasses and he jokingly calls her four eyes.

Trevor being such a boastful show off is dating the prettiest girl in the whole school, her name is Marie Kayle. Everybody is jealous of him, but really I don’t they truly like each other, it’s just for social status.

I picked Kayla up at 8:30 p.m. to go to the movies, she looked absolutely beautiful. She was wearing her Dad’s letterman jacket from high school and jeans. She has a floral headband in her hair that covered her ears. Her glasses were on, so she didn’t have makeup on, but she looked a thousand times better than the other girls at my school that wear about three pounds of makeup on their face. We went to Top Gun. I might be in love with Kayla, because there was this feeling of true bliss and excitement that rushed over my body when I walked her up to her front door and gave her a goodnight kiss. I drove the whole way home with a smile on my face.

When I got home, my parents were watching Saturday Night Live; I joined them for the last few minutes. At about 12:30 a.m. I heard the chime of the doorbell. I heard my Dad from the hallway say, “Who in the devil would that be?” After a few minutes of silence I heard my Mama crying, curious and confused, I hopped out of bed and walked down the hall to see my parents at the front door accompanied by a county deputy. I walked up to my Father who had an emotionless face painted on his head and I asked, “What’s going on?” He quietly replied, “Trevor, he’s dead.” “What? How? ” My father just stood there and the county deputy said that Trevor and Austin went too fast around a corner and rolled the car down a hill. I knew that both of them had to have been drinking. I slowly turned back around and walked into my room, buried my face in my pillow and screamed. I didn’t get a blink of sleep that night because my mind was wandering and I was blaming myself for what had happened. If I hadn’t have gone on that date I could have given both of them rides back home safely. My night was full of “What ifs”.

In the morning I checked on my parents. They were both sleeping as still as rocks. I decided to go to church that morning. I prayed about what had happened but couldn’t seem to concentrate on the Mass because of the constant feeling of people watching me. I looked up and saw about half the eyes in the church planted on me. I knew people were starting to murmur. French Lick is not a large town and things spread quickly here. After the mass ended I quickly left to go to my car. As I was leaving I saw Marie Kayle walking with her family. She looked pale and her eyes were focused on the cracks of the sidewalk. I immediately thought of the hurt she was going through. If she felt the way about Trevor as I do about Kayla, she lost her best friend and her love of her life.

Trevor had been my idol and rival growing up and I still hadn’t grasped the fact that he was gone. When I got home that Sunday morning, I cooked up some eggs and woke my Mother up. She got out of bed and walked into the kitchen and ate across from me, silently. I asked her is Dad going to eat, she replied with a quick, “Nope.”

The whole day there wasn’t much said in the house. Usually Trevor would initiate all conversations at home. I knew Trevor kept a key to the school’s gym in the glove box of the car we shared, so I drove to the school and worked out in the weight room. Lifting weights are a great way for me to relieve stress. The clicking of the bar hitting the rack after a set of bench is better music to than Aerosmith.

The next few days I held myself together pretty well, all I did was lift, run and sleep. I tried keeping myself busy all the time. Tomorrow is Trevor’s funeral and I have never been one for speaking in public, but for this event I had picked out a bible verse to read. Wisdom 4:7-14. It is about dying too early in life.

Once I concluded the reading I said, “Trevor was a fighter and Michael the archangel gained a great trooper three days ago.” About three quarters of the school was there and I was proud of Austin and my brother for affecting so many lives in 18 years.

The rest of the summer went by quickly and we started two-a-day practices. The first morning was strictly conditioning. After practice coach James called me over and said, "Mac, things like this are never easy, but just like your brother, you’re tough and I know you can step into the starting spot. You have the skill. I just want to know if you are emotionally and mentally ready for the task.” “Sir,” I replied, “I feel like it’s my personal responsibility to lead this team. I had a very personal relationship with both Trevor and Austin. I feel like I am the man for the job.” ” You’ve been through a lot Mac; this football thing might be too easy for you.” He joked.

The team struggled on both offense and defense. Personally I thought that it would be easier to come back from our losses. In two games our offense has scored three touchdowns, while our defense has given up eleven. Without Trevor, our whole defensive identity changed. Trevor would play with high intensity and inspire others to do the same. However, on the offensive side we just lacked confidence.

We won our next five games and were playing for the conference championship. It was an exciting game, but we lost when I fumbled on the 45 yard line with only 30 seconds left in the game. With the loss we still had a playoff spot, but we had to face the number one team in the state. They were undefeated and very intimidating.

That week I visited Trevor’s grave three times, asking him to give me some of his strength on the field. Game day rolled around and we walked to the middle of the field carrying Austin and Trevor’s jerseys as captains. The other team outsized us by an average of 30 pounds and five inches in height.

Early in the first quarter they jumped to a 14-0 lead. In the second quarter it wasn’t much different. At half time we trailed 28-3. Coach James stood in front of us and spoke softly, “It’s really simple guys. Are you going to let them bully you around for another 16 minutes? This is a four possession game. It. Is. Not. Over. If we get stops, our offense can roll boys. I want you to close your eyes, and think about Trevor Raymond and Austin O’Leary. Boys they can’t win this game for you. They can’t get up off the turf and inspire us, but you can. Get up for them. Finish this season strong for them.”

In the third quarter our defense didn’t allow them to score and our offense surged to score three touchdowns. The gap was closing, now we were one touchdown away from the lead. The fourth quarter was a defensive battle. Our offense was marching down the field. With 3:49 left on the clock we called a halfback pass, trying to catch them off guard. Their star cornerback, Jake Bradley picked it off and returned it to the 25 year line. Our defense forced them to kick a field goal and they led by seven.

I prayed the last two minutes of the game. I led the drive down the field. With time running out I threw a touchdown. Coach James called on the PAT team, but I yelled back at him that we were going to try for two points. Coach agreed and called a fullback dive. The play seemed to be in slow motion. The snap was perfect, I faked the pitch and the ball hit out fullback’s elbow and flew out of my hand and into the clutches of a defensive tackle. The game was over. I fell to my knees, crying. I didn’t move a muscle as the opponents players ran past me yelling in excitement.

I felt a hand touch the back of my helmet. It was Kayla. I stood up and she unbuckled my helmet, pushed my facemask up and kissed me right there on the three yard line. My tears stopped. I heard her whisper in my ear, “Trevor would be proud.”

The next summer Kayla and my relationship grew stronger and so did our football team. That next year we won the state championship, undefeated. I wore number 59 the whole season, in memory of Trevor.