I feel like everyday is the same. Lies. I struggle with my life and wonder If I’m living a lie. His face is always on the forefront of my mind. What I see when I close my eyes at night. He is like the fly and my brain is the sticky trap. If you are wondering who I am talking about it would be Jaice. The father of my unborn child. Why isn’t he here? I couldn’t really tell you, cause I don’t understand it either. Well I guess what I should say

so you don’t get the wrong idea is he’s dead.
It haunts me at night when I try to sleep. I wake with cold sweats and always clutching my stomach as if to protect her. I feel her kick when I do this, it is a frenzy of kicking like she had the same dream as me. I always wonder if she can feel my emotions. Like maybe she has this feeling that we were missing another person. This always made me feel even worse I knew I owed her something. A daddy, but at the same time I couldn't give her that. It would be something she might never have the chance to have. It was suppose to be different for her, she wasn't suppose to grow up without a dad like I did. She was suppose to have a good life not dwelling for someone else to Love her. I just hope that someday I would be able to share my memories with her and make her understand how much he loved her when he was here.
Jaice would have been the perfect daddy. I could tell by the way he would always greet me when he woke up in the morning or when he would first see me. He would have this huge smile on his face and rub my protruding belly. He would then lean down and kiss my stomach and say “Hey there my radiant daughter.”  he then would kiss me and finish on with his day.
After the last time he did this, I decided I would name her Radiant and I would give her a daddy. I would be that daddy. I will be her mommy and daddy and she will have the best life I can give her. I also realized that maybe I’m not living a lie. I lied to myself and believed my own lies. I know deep in my heart that Radiant and I will be okay, That together we will Survive and through us Jaice Shall live on.