The anxiety had given me a cold welcome back party.

I'd be lying to myself if I said I didn't see it coming. I knew it was coming. I was waiting for it as if it were a delayed train ride. Would it be wrong if I admitted I had grown impatient for it? Has it gone to the point where I expect it to knock on my door?

I had an unsettling feeling in the pit of my stomach. Was this the right decision? I don't know. Were we setting ourselves for failure? Maybe. Did I make the worst mistake in my life? Perhaps.

I had no answers, and I absolutely despised it.

The excitement on my best friend's face was difficult to ignore. The word "no" wasn't part of my vocabulary at that given moment; it would have broken her heart and I couldn't let that happen.

Was it that I couldn't take care of myself? Maybe I was putting others before myself. Whether that was a good or bad quality, I wasn't aware.

I was only aware of the sharp pain in my hip. There was an open wound, red satin oozing out and I was mesmerized. I had released an inner demon and still more to kick out.

The redness didn't go away. The more that appeared, the slower it dropped. A laugh escaped from my lips and there was a small spark of pleasure when I finished. But there was something within me I was feeling before the guilt settled.

One feeling, one word: relief.

As I watched the red ooze out of my skin, I felt a sharp pain in my arm. The pain began to escalate as fast as an airplane taking off into the clouds. My body soon became numb and I couldn't control what was going on any longer.

A salty taste entered my mouth, and then I realized I had begun to cry. My body began to shake as I uncontrollably whimpered. There was a wave of loneliness that overcame me and the world around me began to become dark. The darkness was an attractive feeling, tempting me to join in on the lust of freedom from inevitable pain.

I brought my knees to my chest as I continued to cry. My body was slowly beginning to drift away and my eyes were starting to close shut. The noises outside the door were no longer audible to me. I couldn't decipher if my head was pounding tremendously or if there was a loud rattling on my door.

I no longer cared. All I cared about was the darkness and if it could successfully take me away; take me away to a place of eternal happiness where I would be away from the misery of being myself. Misery would no longer be my company. Satisfaction would be.

Satisfaction didn't last long when the door suddenly burst open and I was taken away. My eyes had already closed, but I knew I wasn't going away to place where I deserved to be at the most.

Hell.