September 23, 2012
Dear Diary,
Today was rough. Sitting alone at lunch has gotten in my head too much. My first year of high school just started and this is where I end up. I used to have friends. Friends I would call my brothers and sisters. Friends I still love. Many of them left me once middle school ended. I mean can I blame them? I was a nobody. I am a nobody.

September 27, 2012
Dear Diary,
Today was the first day someone said hi to me. Walking through the halls, this kid that I sort of made friends with waved and smiled. He’s in my Biology class. The only reason he had known me was because I met him wearing my “Game Of Thrones” shirt. Of course he wasn’t the kid who reads the books but watches the show (unlike me who read all of the books). He’s cool though. You know, I never even asked his name… He calls me Hodor as joke cause I don’t say many words. I know it’s kind of mean to call me that, since Hodor literally only has one word in his vocab… Hodor… But I kind of like it. It’s the first time anyone called me anything since middle school.

October 1, 2012
Dear Diary,
His name is Ryan. He’s the closest to a friend I have. He brought me into his “clique” today at lunch. It felt amazing just to be with someone. I didn’t really say much. I told them who I am and what I like. I am still being called Hodor but I don’t even bother me anymore. I kind of like it. Hodor isn’t someone to mess with. He’s big. Kind of like a wall. It helps me feel powerful. Power is something I need now; it’s something that I have been missing lately.

October 18, 2012
Dear Diary,
I know I haven’t talked in a long time. That’s because I didn’t have to. I have friends who I talk to now, friends who care for me, friends who know me. I still never wrote about my “Old” friends, have I? Well it’s a long story. We will save it for another time as I am going out for the first time with my “new” friends. We’re going to see the new Paranormal Activity movie. I don’t love or hate the movies, they just sort of work. They make me feel like I am out of my universe and in another one. Imagining if something like that were to happen to me, well I don’t really know if I would mind it. Yes, I am happier than I was in prior months, but I still don’t feel the same as before. Maybe that will change.

October 18, 2012
Dear Diary,
Well that was fun… If you count sitting all alone “fun”. Apparently, they changed the date but I don’t know for sure. They sound sincere on the phone, but I feel them laughing at me. I feel the hatred they have toward me. I feel as if I am someone that shouldn’t be with them.

October 30, 2012
Dear Diary,
I still sit with Ryan. I also still remember what happened on that night, although I have decided to give him another chance. A chance, that if he messes up, I don’t know what I will do with myself. I know he is a nice kid and means no harm, but everyone I thought I knew meant no harm. Everyone’s fake in this world. Even parents. They say they want best, but are always trying to force things. They say they’re proud about everything you do, but if you do something great, sometimes great isn’t good enough. It’s like, if you get a B on the hardest test in Chemistry, you get the, “wow, good job!”, and you feel everything is great. Then comes the next statement, “Well (insert valedictorian’s name) got a 95%... Why didn’t you?” This is an ongoing cycle of thriving to achieve greatness. But greatness isn’t something achieved, it’s something earned.

November 1, 2012
Dear Diary,
Last night was the best time I’ve ever had on Halloween. No seriously this time… I had a fantastic time. I dressed up as a football player and Ryan was a pirate. I was told by everyone there, “why aren’t you dressed up as Hodor?” Well, I seriously do not know why I didn’t think of that. I mean it was right there, but the oblivious eye doesn’t always see the most obvious of things.

November 21, 2012
Dear Diary,
So I actually am excited for this Thanksgiving break. I only have one thing to be thankful for, and that’s Ryan. He’s finally gotten me to come out of my shell. I talk to more people now, including girls! I mean, in August, when school started, no one expected me to talk to teachers or other kids. Who would’ve expected me to become talkative to other people! I feel amazing. I used to lie in bed, eyes wide open, waiting for tears to fill my eyes like rain clouds your vision on the windshield during a storm. Now, I close my eyes and smile. Smiling because I am finally ok with life. Ok with life for the first time in forever.

November 23, 2012
Dear Diary,
I am not ok. Life is not ok. The world is not ok. Ryan is dead. He was in a car accident while driving with his family to pick up food for Thanksgiving. This isn’t ok. I am not ok.

December 8, 2012
Dear Diary
It’s my birthday. Ryan’s funeral was horrible. I don’t think I can live anymore. I know that if I go today, I wouldn’t be sad anymore. I know I’d be happier. I could finally feel invincible.

Dear reader,
This is Jacob’s mom, here to inform you that Jacob committed suicide on December 21, 2012. The world did not end, but my world did.