The Many Lives Of Joe

Mr. Smith, the math teacher, assigns Joe a test
It’s one week away
For a happy ending, select A.
A.
The first day Joe organizes his studying. The second day Joe reviews intervals. The third day Joe reviews randomized designs. The fourth day Joe reviews graphing. And the day before the test Joe reviews all of the material. Joe is now extremely prepared for the test and when it is returned, Joe gets a 100%. Joe’s GPA is increased by this grade. When Joe applies to colleges, they notice his high GPA and high grades in math. He gets into an Ivy League school. He meets a girl in college. Her name is Jane. Joe ends up marrying Jane. Joe and Jane have two children named Jack and Lauren. Joe becomes Jack’s little league baseball coach and the team wins the championship. Eventually Jack finds a wife and Lauren finds a husband. Jack’s wife is very caring and loves him very much. Lauren’s husband has a steady income and they live happily in a suburban town. Jack and his wife have three kids and Lauren and her husband have to kids. Joe and Jane are now the proud grandparents of five kids. Joe grows old with Jane and ultimately they both die having lived happy lives. This is the end of the story.
B.
Joe prepares for the test as best he can. He does the same study procedure as in A. The night before Joe’s test his teacher goes out for dinner and gets salmonella from the undercooked chicken parm. The teacher is out of school for the next week, so the test is postponed. Joe now has even more time to prepare for the test and he gets a 100%. Everything continues as in A.
C.
If you think that Joe’s life is going to be a breeze, you are wrong. Joe doesn’t study at all for his math test. He comes to class completely unprepared, not knowing any of the material. Joe guesses the answer for every single question because he didn’t know the answers. Joe ends up with a 5% on his test. Joe ends up with an F for the semester and when he sends his transcript to the colleges, they laugh at his application. Joe doesn’t get into any schools and ends up living on the streets and collecting bottles to recycle for 5 cents a pop. Joe keeps all of his bottles in one garbage bag and he recycles them at the end of every month and uses all of the money from each month for food. One day, towards the end of September Joe is collecting bottles on Oak Street. He spots a stray Corona bottle in the middle of the street. Quickly, Joe puts his bag of bottles for the month on the side of the road and scampers to the Corona bottle. Joe neglected to look both ways before going to retrieve the bottle. What Joe didn’t know was that there was a car coming straight at him only 20 feet away. Joe has no time to move out of the way. Luckily, the car sees Joe just in time to sharply swerve out of the way of his petrified body to the side of the road.
Unluckily, the car swerved to the side of the road where Joe had placed his garbage bag full of bottles worth around 30 dollars. The car has no choice but to smash into the bag of bottles and run over it. Every bottle is shattered and crushed and instead of having 30 dollars worth of bottles, Joe is left with a single Corona bottle worth only 5 cents.

Joe now only has those 5 cents to his name. Those 5 cents cannot buy Joe any food but a single piece of Double Bubble gum. With the option of buying the Double Bubble and eating it or starving to death, Joe opts for the piece of chewing gum. Joe pops the piece of gum into his mouth and savors the fruity flavor. Joe quickly finds out that the gum does not hold its flavor for very long. Rather than spit out the gum Joe uses it as a source of food and attempts to swallow it. Joe chokes on the gum and it gets stuck in his throat. Joe is unable to regurgitate the Double Bubble and falls to the ground. After 2 minutes of not breathing, Joe’s brain doesn’t receive enough oxygen and Joe dies. This is the end of the story.