My knuckles were white from clutching onto my shirt. I tried to take my mind off of the thing my mind was always wandering to. I stared at the floor, and counted how many tiles there were in my field of vision. I focused on the hospital smell, it burned my nose in a good kind of way. I look up hopefully at every doctor or nurse that could be here to deliver some good news on my and Carson’s behalf. I look up at the paintings on the wall. I scan the wall just to find one that is somewhat soothing, and when I lay my eyes on the tall city buildings, my heart skips a beat. That picture takes me back to the day where my foster brother tried to take his own life. I remember the heavy breathing sounds on the phone. I remember the sound of his feet hitting the ground as he ran. I thought he was joking when he told me he was un-happy with his life, I thought he was just messing with me. How could Carson Brewer, the most popular and handsome boy in school, ever be pushed to the brink where he would take his own life? A doctor comes up to a woman beside me, who is reading a book with tears in her eyes. I can’t hear exactly what he is saying because even though he is right beside me, I can’t hear him because he is talking in such a hushed tone. I see her fragile looking hand fly up to her mouth, and I think its bad news, but then she starts crying, plasters a smile on her face, and jumps up and hugs the doctor. I guess it must be good news. She runs down the hall and I hear a door open and shut. I hope my news is good news too. I try and focus on the sounds of the hospital, I hear sobbing, and I also hear screaming and laughing. I see a doctor with a very grim look on his face, and pray to the Heavens that he is not coming to me. No such luck. He walks up to me, and shakes his head. I stand up, but my legs immediately buckle and I fall back into my chair. I suddenly fall to the floor, breathing short and rapid breathes, and the last sound I hear before I black out, is Carson’s laugh. I don’t know why, but that’s the sound that I sub-consciously chose. Apparently, I suffered a panic attack. I wake up in a hospital bed. I’m attached to an I.V. unit, and I hear a faint beep-beep in the background. I wait about 30 minutes, and the same doctor that delivered the news about Carson, appeared in my hospital room. He wrote some things on a clipboard, and then sat down on a stool that was by the bed, that I didn’t even know was there. He tells me that Carson didn’t make it through surgery. He told me that his head and lungs took very much damage due to the fact that he landed on his chest. I collapsed in the bed and went back to that day. I told him to wait, and to not make any stupid decisions, and he replied with the soft thump-thump of his sneakers on the pavement. I told him to just stop doing anything and wait there for me. I didn’t even bother to put on my shoes. I started to run toward 7th and Main, the street he had told us in the note that he left on his bed. He wasn’t only my brother, but he was my best friend. I see his green shirt climb up the 400 ft. tall Community Bank building. I scream out his name, and then comes the worst part. Right before he takes the fall that eventually ended his life, his and my eyes meet, and they are filled up to the brink with sadness… and then he mouths the words “I’m Sorry”, then he jumped. I’m yanked out of unconsciousness by two freezing hands. As soon as I open my eyes, I see the familiar face of which belongs to my other best friend, Emily. I can tell she’s been crying, because her eyes are all puffy and her mascara’s running. She whispers my name, and I just collapse. When I look up at her, I mouth the words “I’m sorry”. Why couldn’t I have just jumped with Carson? I would be so much happier with him than in this stupid life.

I get out of the hospital, with a mission from Carson. I tidy up my room, wash and put away all of my clothes. I go to the room where I have forbidden myself to go since it happened, and I lay in Carson’s bed. I don’t even know it, but tears are running down my cheeks. I go back to my room, and I write the note that no parent ever wants to see sitting in their child’s room. I through on my green shirt, and I start walking to 7th and Main. I walk inside the bank, reach into my pocket, and pulled out $300. I deposited into my parents bank account. At least it’s what they would’ve wanted, with them being all about money and all. I climb up the ladder to the roof. Every step I take, I whisper Carson’s name. As soon as I make it to the top, my breathe hitches. I walk to the edge, and I find something that makes me want to cry and smile at the same time. Right where he stood before he jumped, is a note with my name on it. I open it, and it reads:

Dear Abby,
     I know how much trouble you will go through once I jump. I just couldn’t do it anymore. The truth is, I’ve been unhappy since 6th grade. People have been pressuring me to do stuff I really didn’t want to do. They wanted me to smoke, drink, and the worst thing. They wanted me to rob money from the bank. The very bank that I jumped off of. I’m so sorry. If you’re reading this, you’re probably thinking of jumping to. DON’T. Everyone needs you in this world Abby.. Please don’t jump.

I walk to the edge, and peer down. I squeeze my fist, and swing one leg out in front of me. I need to die. I close my eyes, and jumped. The pain is agonizing, but my body was calm soon after. I’m coming Carson…