It was on that Christmas of 2011, my family gathered around the fireplace, drinking hot chocolate and watching the flames flicker in the dim lighting. Finally I was on break from school, though I did miss my friends who were vacationing abroad. I was so excited and happy to get my presents from Santa, and maybe I would even get to see him and talk about things that were going on. Maybe he would help me with making more friends, since I was a bit too shy to talk to people in my first year of school in 1st grade. Even though I did have a few friends, making more friends was a difficult challenge for me.

  On the last day of school before winter break, Nicole, my 4th grade friend had asked me the question, “Laura, do you believe in Santa?” I answered with a head nod and wondered how anyone would need to question such an obvious answer; of course he was real! She started to explain her story with a huge grin and mentioned how she found out santa wasn’t real. It seemed so realistic, I began to doubt so many things my parents had said. That week before break, we were talking and Nicole told me that she searched up on her computer if Santa was a lie. She read on a website that if your parents kept on avoiding the topic of Santa’s identity and they are actually Santa, they will try to avoid it.

  Now it was Christmas Eve and I had gone to sleep. At 12 o'clock, I woke up to get a cup of water since my throat was a bit dry. When I was walking towards the kitchen, there was a dark figure that was in front of the Christmas tree. The dark shadow began to bend down and place objects underneath the tree. I dashed over to the front of the living room and tackled the figure onto the sofa. Realizing it was a person, I whispered into the ear of that person in excitement, “ Are you Santa?..” There was something wrong though; that person was not wearing the clothes I imagined to be worn by Santa. In fact, I recognized my Dad’s cotton pajamas immediately from touch. “Uhmm, what are you doing here..?” I sat silent, swearing to myself that I saw him placing presents under the tree. At that moment I remembered the words that Nicole had said. Not able to sleep, I decided something had to be done.
 
  I opened my laptop in my room and searched online desperately; there were so many things I didn’t know. My computer history was full of studies and documents that I had read and come to a conclusion about. I took out the past letters that the so called Santa gave to me and compared them to a letter that my dad had gave me last year and the words looked completely identical. Santa wasn’t real. “They lied to me, how could they..” That morning after opening the presents, I had said thanks to my parents for the gifts and asked them to come to my room to ask them something. “Daddy..about what happened yesterday, can you explain to me what happened.” I felt so scared, betrayed, frustrated. In a blur of feelings, tears started to stream out. At first, my parents avoided the topic and they exchanged worried faces, but then sighed and closed their eyes. Speaking with a gentle voice, they whispered in my ear, “We wanted to create a fun memory for you to remember when you looked back at your past, but it seems you found out too early.”  Surprised and hurt, I managed to get out the words,”Please, just go for now, I want to be alone right now.” After they closed the door, I lay down in bed and buried my face in my pillow.

   After hours of trying to fall asleep and forget my feelings, I saw that light was slowly seeping away from my window, and at that moment I sat up. My eyes were red and swollen from crying,“Why would they choose to do this to me?” No, they most likely did this for my good, maybe they really just wanted a fun memory to look back on.This was going too far, though! They lied just for my happiness, but now that I had found out, they hurt me. So many thoughts ran through my head. It was so hard to focus on all the problems at all. Later, I decided to come out and talk to my parents and make up with them for all that had happened that today. Then, a sudden thought ran through my head, they had cared for me so much, with their warm kindness and sheltered me for so many years. Was all that a lie? No, my parents would never throw my trust for them in the gutter. They said it was because they loved me and wanted to make good memories. I trusted them, but there was another side of me that felt so betrayed that I didn’t know what to do anymore. I remembered all the times we had together and started to calm down more to get my head straight. “You know what, this really doesn’t matter. All that does is that we are family and we will get through anything together,” sighing in relief, we all smiled ear to ear.