So, I’m awake. What a goddamn gift right? You know I often think that getting out of bed is the hardest part of my day. I mean, just thinking of having to mentally prepare myself to place my feet on that damn cold floor gives me a migraine. God how I hate how school makes me get up at ungodly hours of the damn day, I’m already failing so what’s the point in going?. I guess high-school is where all motivation, and sanity is lost. At least, that’s where I lost mine. I remember when I walked in on the first day of school. it was as if I was selling my soul to the devil without having signing the contract. I kept my schedule in the back of my phone case to glance at periodically, so I didn’t completely fit the underclassmen status quo. The thing about high-school is, it’s not a matter of whether sink or swim on your own. It’s watching your back with the fear of the others swimming around you that are willing to grab you by your  damn legs to drown you in order to achieve whatever it is that’s circling around in their brainwashed minds. I guess somethings in life are worth hurting others over, maybe that’s why I’m constantly killing myself over the fact that I can’t seem to get a grip on who I am. So, I take it out on others.

You know, there’s a reason I try not to pay others much attention, let alone let myself gain feelings for anyone whether it be a potential significant other, or just a friend. You might be asking why, and even though I hate explaining myself, I’ll take the time out of my day to tell you why. I had a crush on this kid once right, well I thought maybe this one time someone would know how to act like a decent human being when it came to my feelings. I was wrong, as usual. It’s actually quite ridiculous, how someone can, and will try to manipulate you both mentally, and emotionally in order to get what they want, leaving you so invested in the thought that something could actually go right in your life with someone for once. Oh not to mention they leave you or end up going behind your back seeing some broad who looks like she belongs on some trashy reality show. Anyways, I think you get the message I’m trying to send, he cheated on me. But, honestly it wasn’t even the fact that he cheated, the part that bothered me the most was that he lied about it. God I hate liars, there’s no room for them. Which leads me to the next thing I want to say, want to know the best way to piss me off? It’s three words that people who think they have it all figured out say.
“It’ll get better”.
Damn how I hate that cliche line, it’s become such a mundane way of saying
“ I’m going to act like I care about your problems because I’m too absorbed in my own mind to care about another human being's status in life.” I remember on one of the rare occasions that I talk about myself in class, this girl said that to me, I think her name was Madison Cleft. Anyways, the broads name is besides the point. She said “ Don’t worry, It’ll get better, I mean other people have it worse.” In that moment I paused and thought to myself,
“If I didn’t have enough common sense to know that punching this girl in the face would add to my already mile long disciplinary record, I probably wouldn’t hesitate to clock her in the face.”
But, instead I recall responding to her with, “ Telling someone that others have it worse, is like saying someone can’t be happy because someone else is happier.”  She looked at me with this stupid look on her face, as if I had tried to explain the creation of the first rocket ship. It’s whatever, she doesn’t matter. Just a prime of example of what annoys me.

I was sitting at lunch listening to a group of kids that were sitting at the table next to me as they were talking about some deep rooted issues they had been facing. I found it hard to believe that the typical stoner had any issue bigger than forgetting to bring eye drops to school. I’m rambling again, and trying to be funny. Sorry you just had to endure that in an entire sentence that involved me talking about other people that I don’t even know. Why should I know them? or get to know them when the only time they ever really talk to me is, wait for it.. “Do you have anymore food?”, typical. Most of the time I usually have my headphones in my ears, even if there’s nothing playing. It helps fight off people's’ urge to try and talk to me, that is if they even have a desire to even say a word to me. Which is totally cool if they don’t.
By mid-day I’m usually debating on if I’m going to take another absence in my last two hours to leave and go home. I relate school to being a cage, with me as the animal locked inside. See, I’m smart enough to unlock the cage, I mean for christ sake I technically could walk right out the side door. But I could also get penalized if caught. So it’s a game of risk in my opinion, not only with the school but with my mother. She’s not one to really get on me usually, but ever since I walked out of school after a verbal dispute with one of my idiotic teachers, she’s been checking that god damn online attendance book our school so kindly invented. Thanks.
When the school day's over I always feel the need to scream when I walk out the side doors to the student parking lot, I don’t know just something about yelling dammit makes the soul feel better, or is that just me.. probably.
I usually see people I know as I’m walking out of school but never really care enough to acknowledge them any more than just taking a glance in their direction, mainly because I’m focused on getting my ass home, and into my room where I stay for the majority of the night . That’s another tactic I use in order to avoid contact with people, especially in my household. Yeah, see I’d get more into that but I’m just not feeling it, and I just got this sudden glimpse of what my voice sounds like to you which is slightly nauseating for me to think about. Plus it’s been a long day and I’m ready to completely check out. So goodnight.