Six feet under
Is where I lie
A deep dark hole
Where everyone goes
When they die
Worms wriggle into my ears
Through my lungs
In my eyes
I can’t escape the feeling
Of being buried alive

December 13th 1997. The day my spirit was brutally forced from my flesh and bones and released into the atmosphere. Some would say that I’m free now. And they would be right; if they meant I’m free of happiness, free of love, and free of life. I see it more as a robbery. They stole everything from me. I’m literally nothing but the sound of wind, the flicker of a flame, the sunspot on a photograph. Invisible. Forgettable.
It’s been five years since then. My parents replace the wilted white roses with bright red ones. They contrast with the blanket of snow beautifully, like a crimson blood splatter on polished linoleum. I want to scream at them. “Move on!” It took me a full four days to realize I didn’t have to stay with my decaying corpse. After I decided to go up, things got better. I wish they could do the same.
Every time I think about being in that casket, I can almost smell the formaldehyde - which would send a shiver up my spine if I had one. I miss things like that. Things like goosebumps and yawns. Uncontrollable things. It’s strange. You’d think I’d miss my family or my friends or even my dog (and I do!) but the reality is I still get to see them. See them go about their lives without me. But I’ll never be able to feel again. A gentle carass or a sharp stab. And truthfully, I would give anything to experience that again - good or bad I wouldn’t care - anything is better than nothing. The emptiness inside me is a vicious sea monster. It swallows me whole, dragging me down into the deep, suffocating me. Then it leaves me there. All alone, surrounded by nothing but water. 
Time is different here. I can’t explain exactly how, but it is. The best way I can describe it is like when you watch a pot of water boil. Time seems to slow down, and the water never boils. But deep down, you know that nothing is different.
Sometimes I like to follow around couples who are in love. I keep hoping that maybe one day that feeling will rub off on me. I distinctly remember this one couple, they both had flaming red hair and upturned noses. They were the type of couple you could mistake for brother and sister. But that doesn't matter, what I remember most about them was their energy. It was pure and bright - the brightest I had ever seen! Everyone has a glow but theirs rivaled the sun. The more time I spent with them, the more my own light shined. Then one day, the boy’s light went out. Just like that. For the next seven days I witnessed the girl’s light get dimmer and dimmer until it was nothing but a flicker. A flashlight that needed new batteries a long time ago. After that, I never saw them together. Sometimes I like to check up on them, see how they are doing. They have both been in other relationships since then, but they never shine like theirs used to. I have this theory that everyone in the world has one true soulmate. There's also at least 1000 other people that I like to call “Runner-Ups”. You tell these people you love them, but only if you haven't met your soulmate yet. Most people go their whole life satisfied with these Runner-Ups. I pity them. They don’t know what could have been.  
The most remarkable thing about this world is that everything has a purpose. That time you missed the bus and were late to school, it crashed that day. When your father died of a stroke, his heart was given to a boy and it saved his life. Every seemingly bad experience always has an upside. Every cause has an effect. Sometimes when you're alive you miss these things. You're too busy living. And that’s what death is for. It’s your time to reflect, to notice all the things you never saw.
December 13th, 1997. The day my spirit began it’s next chapter.