January 21, 2009: First day of school.
Well, this is it. I am sitting here in this new house waiting on the time to come where I have to go to school. I can’t help but wonder how today is going to go. Will anyone like me? Will anyone even care to get to know me? What will they think? Will they think I am weird, ugly, fat? Probably. They’re right if they do think that.I wonder if anyone will show me any pity, I mean, I am going to be the new girl coming into this year right after Christmas break. I have no idea who any of these people are. They’ve all probably grown up together and have gone to the same schools since pre-school. What if I don’t fit in and it all turns out like my last school did? I can’t help but think about that place: the bullying, the names, the insults:“Fat, ugly, whore, worthless, waste of breath, sorry excuse for a human, etc, etc, etc…”  The thought of that happening again sends chills up my spine. The horrors flash through my head. I do not want to go now. Well, time to go…
8 hours later…
Well I am home now, alive. First day was how I thought it would be: awkward, full of stares, and I made a total of zero friends. No one really seemed interested, well, maybe one guy in my English class. I mean, I can’t exactly say that he is interested in me, but he did stick up for me when I tripped in class. We exchanged words when we first saw each other. He said I had the most beautiful eyes that he’s ever seen. I don’t know, maybe I am just overthinking this kid. He doesn’t even know me. Oh my, but those light hazel eyes are to die for. I swear I could get lost in them for hours. Who am I kidding, though, he will never care for me.. He probably just feels bad for me.

February 14, 2009
Well this is exciting! I go into my English class this morning and found that I have a secret admirer. I figured that whoever left me this rose would have came out and said who they were, but all there was was a note that said to meet them today at the back of the school at 8. Why they want to meet so late, I am not sure. I was hoping that it would have been from Adrien, but he didn’t even show up today. In fact, he hasn’t been around all week. It’s a shame, I miss talking to him and staring into those beautiful eyes. I wonder if I did something wrong. It’s like, we talked ever since my first day. We have talked about everything, and it was never just plain boring small talk, but we talked about deep things. I wonder if knowing everything about me and my past has scared him away. I really hope not. I am really beginning to love everything about him. I honestly think I am falling for him and he probably will never feel the same towards me. Why would he? He has been through alot: drug use,  alcohol abuse, he has no parents because his dad is in jail and mom is no longer alive, he’s been through everything you could possibly think of.  I just wish I could make it all better for him. Then again, I am probably no better, I’m just me: plain, boring, worthless, and  a waste of a life. I guess all I can really do is wait it out and see who left me this beautiful rose.
...Later on that night…
All of what I thought was wrong! Wow! It was Alexander who left the rose (: He was my secret admirer. I showed up to the back of the school and, at first, no one was there. I waited for nearly an hour and finally got fed up and started to leave when… there he was! There he was in a plain black sweater and dark, straight leg jeans. His eyes shined bright even in the moonlight. My heart raced as he walked closer with a soft, sweet smile on his face. I couldn’t believe he was my secret admirer, but it still seemed a little weird because he hadn’t been at school. I asked him what had happened and why he wasn’t there. You know what he replied with? He said that he was nervous and afraid of getting rejected by me. Him, nervous? I was the nervous one! We sat and talked for a long while. Turns out, we are not so different.We’ve both been through quite a lot, more than people our age should have to go through. It was honestly a magical night. The best part of it all: I can now call Adrien Gonzalez mine! <3
February 17, 2009
Whoa! This was definitely not the day that I expected to have! Since Friday, me and Adrien have talked all day, every day. We even went to see a movie on Saturday  and he met my mom. He’s amazing, and I have never met anyone like him. He’s truly different, in a good way. He picked me up this morning for school and things were still the same, but when we separated to our own classes, it seemed like every girl had something to say about Adrien. Their stupid comments about whether or not we’ve done it yet and about him being a cheater and having a drinking and drug problem. It can’t be true! Not my Adrien, no way! I mean, I guess there’s only one thing I can do: talk to him. We’ll see how this goes…
...lunchtime…
Well, I talked to Adrien. Turns out, it was all true. Everything they were saying was right. I don’t know, but when I told him, he got very upset and I felt like I could see the anger and sadness in his eyes. It was like I brought up old memories that he didn’t want to remember.I nearly ended it with him, but he begged and begged for me to stay. He grabbed my face and stared deep into my eyes and pleaded that everything was different with me. He insisted that, yes, he does have problems that he is working on, but that he’s through with the cheating and messing around. I could see in his eyes that he, in a way, needed me. I don’t know why, but I feel like I have to help him, and show him what it’s like to be happy.
March 30, 2009
I never knew my life could be so perfect! Adrien is amazing! He is the most caring, loving person I’ve ever been with. We've only been together for little over a month, but it feels like we’ve been together forever. It does worry me a little that he is so protective over me, but I know he only wants to protect me. It’s getting a little annoying that he doesn’t want me going anywhere without me, but that’s just him keeping me safe… I hope… Let’s just pray it doesn’t get any worse.
June 23, 2010
It’s been too long since I’ve written. I just never have time anymore. I am ALWAYS with Adrien, It’s like he NEVER wants me to be alone. He stays the night with me if I don’t stay with him. He seriously needs to give me a little space. I’ve noticed that he really does have a bit of a drug and drinking problem. It’s not just weed either. He smokes weed, pops pills, does shrooms, and it’s really beginning to scare me because he is not himself when he’s high. He’s more rude, arrogant, and disrespectful. That’s the only reason I was able to write tonight. I came home without him because he decided to call me a piece of s*** when I tried to ask him not to drink or anything tonight. He just flipped out on me. I feel like this is red flag for me to leave, but I can’t. I have to help him. It’s not like he’s wrong though, I am pretty worthless.
June 30, 2010
I don’t know if I can do this anymore, Adrien has gone way too far this time. We were laying in bed and then he got up for some reason and just fell. When I tried to run over and help him up, he swung his arm back and hit me! Why was he so angry towards me?! I was trying to help him!! I understand that he had been doing pills and smoking today, but they’ve been making him more violent. It’s just not okay. I feel like I should leave, but I think that could make things worse. He’s all I have. No matter how worthless he is making me feel, I still need him. He gives me purpose. When things are good, they’re amazing, but if they’re bad, they’re horrible.
July 3, 2010
Well, things didn’t exactly get any better between me and Adrien. He still tried to tell me what to do, where to go, who I can be with. We needed time apart, but I still need him in my life. He’s the only one who understands me. Despite my feelings for him, I had to end things. I can’t deal with someone like that. Lately, I have felt so insecure and disgusting. It’s like my anxiety is getting worse. I’ve been having panic attacks and no one can calm me down except for him. I just feel like I look disgusting and Adrien is no help when he tells me that I am worth nothing. I got invited to a party tonight, and I hope he won’t be there. I think it will be good for me to get out instead of sit here feeling horrible. Guess we’ll see how things go.
July 4, 2010
THE LAST STRAW! I can’t stand Adrien anymore! He went way too far this time! He asked to talk to me privately and I agreed, of course. He apologized for treating me so badly and tried to convince me to take him back. He kept trying to insist that he would change, It was when I refused that things got very bad… He cornered me in the room we were talking in, and he pulled a knife on me… He threatened to kill me if I wouldn’t take him back. He said that without him, I’m nothing. He said that I am completely worthless and don’t deserve to live. I got so mad that I hit him repeatedly. We wrestled  around and he ended up actually cutting me! I had to get 10 stitches last night in my thigh. I finally understand that it’s not me that is worthless, he is! I’m beautiful. I have a purpose and I am worth the world. I didn’t realize any of this until I saw a truly ugly person. I can’t believe it took this horrible experience to learn this about myself.