Perfect | Teen Ink

Perfect MAG

February 10, 2009
By Kelsey Hill BRONZE, State University, Arkansas
Kelsey Hill BRONZE, State University, Arkansas
2 articles 1 photo 1 comment

The eyeliner makes the dark circles less pronounced. The lip gloss hides the trembling. The ponytail conceals missing patches of hair. The Abercrombie sweater covers bruises. I might look at bit thinner, but everyone will ask about my new diet. My hair might not shine the way it used to, but the pink ribbon will distract curious eyes. One hour of preparation and I look like myself. One hour of preparation and no one will know. One hour out of 24. Sometimes I wonder if it’s worth it – wasting a twenty-fourth of my day on a lie. But then I see my wispy hair and baggy eyes, and I have to do it.

Checking my makeup one last time, I push my sleeves up, though not past my elbows. I slip on a cute pair of flats – heels are too dangerous with shaky legs – and grab my Hollister bag. Padding downstairs, I inhale the scent of waffles and syrup.

“Morning, Mom,” I call.

“Morning, baby,” she chirps. “Did you sleep well?”

“Better than I have been.”

She sighs, and her eyes look a hundred years old for a minute. “Any improvement is good,” she says half-heartedly.

“Of course.”

“I made waffles.” Her offering.

“Thanks, Mom. Smells delicious.” My offering.

I sit at the table and she hands me a plate. The thought of all that food turns my stomach, but I force a smile and thank my mother again. She busies herself at the sink and fills the silence with chatter. When she turns around, she takes in the waffles still on my plate, only missing a few bites. I smile apologetically.

“I’m not very hungry this morning.”

“You’ll need your strength for this afternoon.” She bites her lip. She doesn’t like to bring it up over breakfast. I eat another bite.

“I packed your lunch.”

“I’m 18, Mom. I can pack my own lunch. You have more important things to do.”

She reaches for the paper sack. “But now I know you’ll have something to eat. And you need to eat, okay? You have to keep your strength up.”

Sighing, I take the bag. I know this peanut butter and jelly sandwich won’t be eaten, not any more than the one yesterday or the day before. And even if I do eat it, I’ll just throw it up later. Anything consumed after 11 ends up in a plastic basin at 4:07. It’s just the way it works.

“Hon, have you thought about what I said the other day?” she asks.

I shrug noncommittally.

“Sweetheart, you can’t hide this forever. Eventually you’re going to miss school and people will start asking questions.”

“Mom, I have two months left of high school. I can make it ’til then. I’m class president and probably valedictorian. I was voted ‘Most popular,’ ‘Most fun to be around,’ ‘Best smile,’ and ‘Most likely to succeed.’ I’m the girl who’s got it all together. People don’t want to know that the girl who’s got it all together, doesn’t have it all together. People don’t want to know that girl is dying!”

“Honey, don’t say that. You’re not dying.”

“Yes, I am. I have cancer. You heard Dr. Morrison. I have maybe a year left. But that means I can graduate and then never see those people again. I’ll die and they’ll feel sorry for me, but at least I won’t have to endure their pity.”

“But …,” she tries to interrupt.

“Mom, listen to me. I don’t want to be the girl everyone looks at and whispers, ‘Look at her. Poor thing, she has cancer.’ I can’t handle that. I want to be normal. Just for these last two months.”

“Okay,” she whispers. “Okay. Just remember, it’s okay if you don’t have it all together. Sometimes things just fall apart and there’s nothing we can do.”

“Thanks, Mom.” I grab my bag and lunch and kiss her on the cheek. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” my mom replies. This exchange, once taken for granted, is now a vital part of every morning, every afternoon, every night. Three little words, followed by four more, have come to mean more than an entire conversation. They bridge all gaps and disagreements, because we both know there is now a finite number left.

Keys in hand, I open the door and blink in the early morning sun. My silver car waits in the driveway and as I walk toward it, I check my reflection in the tinted window. Perfect.

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This article has 836 comments.

on Aug. 7 2009 at 1:53 pm
Vikki-toria SILVER, Marienville, Pennsylvania
9 articles 0 photos 2 comments
It was beautiful the way you wrote it. It Just makes you realize that when a person is dying they don't want to be reminded. Thankyou for writing this. It made me think.

on Aug. 6 2009 at 2:21 am
elarebadaxe SILVER, Portage, Michigan
7 articles 1 photo 32 comments

Favorite Quote:
OCCUPY MORDOR: because one ring shouldn't be allowed to rule them all.

WOW!!! I mean, WOW!!!

Darcee, said...
on Aug. 4 2009 at 7:44 am
wow, this is absolutely amazing ,

willywanda said...
on Aug. 2 2009 at 2:07 am
wow your a great writer you really touched me wow if i was an editor i wouldn't dare change on thing about this what a beautiful story

on Aug. 2 2009 at 1:51 am
ZebraGirl BRONZE, North Syracuse, New York
2 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
If I had to choose between loving you and breathing, I'd use my last breath to say I love you! =D

I love this story! You should definitley keep writing.

morganlee said...
on Jul. 31 2009 at 3:18 pm
morganlee, Iola, Kansas
0 articles 0 photos 7 comments
this was simply one of the BEST piecies I've ever read!!! This is comparred to big time authors!!! you're really good!! you have T-A-L-E-N-T!!keep writing this is AMAZING!

Rasika GOLD said...
on Jul. 29 2009 at 4:16 am
Rasika GOLD, MUMBAI, Other
11 articles 0 photos 73 comments

Favorite Quote:
dream high ,think high!!!

its really perfect.

on Jul. 29 2009 at 3:06 am
SimplyFiction, Arlington, Texas
0 articles 0 photos 5 comments
This is truly amazing!(: Keeep writing!!

mask said...
on Jul. 28 2009 at 9:45 pm
this is amazing i think i speak for every one when i say finish and publish it i would buy it for definite asurity

on Jul. 19 2009 at 11:57 pm
Wow, I really wasn't expecting that! This piece is saddening, but also very beautiful and artistically writen. keep on writing!

on Jul. 19 2009 at 10:07 pm
WriterDancerLover GOLD, Fontana, California
15 articles 1 photo 25 comments
Amazing. At first I thought it was about an eating disorder. You let the story reveal itself at a good pace. I can definitely see this being the start of a whole novel.

Hiba_Y BRONZE said...
on Jul. 19 2009 at 8:12 pm
Hiba_Y BRONZE, Doha, Other
3 articles 0 photos 3 comments

Favorite Quote:
I can do anything I set my mind on!

Beautiful. I can picture it all!

on Jul. 19 2009 at 12:35 pm
SassyBeauty BRONZE, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
4 articles 0 photos 9 comments
Oh my gosh, This could hqve really happened: how a person is not who they really seem... Brilliant!

on Jul. 18 2009 at 10:46 pm
pinksage33 BRONZE, Woodstock, New York
4 articles 1 photo 211 comments
This is AMAZING!!!

on Jul. 17 2009 at 1:29 am
charlie1314 BRONZE, Somewhere, Florida
1 article 0 photos 1 comment

Favorite Quote:
i love you

This story is AMAZING!! Keep writing!

on Jul. 15 2009 at 9:01 pm
distant_dreamer GOLD, Belmont, New Hampshire
12 articles 6 photos 497 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Life's a climb, but the view is great!"

I love it all!!! Keep writing!!

on Jul. 12 2009 at 2:02 am
xlacrossex22 GOLD, Glenshaw, Pennsylvania
12 articles 0 photos 10 comments

Favorite Quote:
“I laugh, I love, I hope, I try, I hurt, I need, I fear, I cry. And I know you do the same things too, So we're really not that different, me and you.” ~Colin Raye~

Wow. That was really good. At first I thought that it might have something to do with an eating disorder, you played the story out very well. Very heart touching

coza123 BRONZE said...
on Jul. 10 2009 at 11:28 am
coza123 BRONZE, Bolton, Other
1 article 0 photos 1 comment
wow i loved it :)

LilJ<3 GOLD said...
on Jul. 7 2009 at 11:22 pm
LilJ<3 GOLD, Gloucester, Virginia
11 articles 2 photos 60 comments
This was so great. Cancer is something that affects everyone. Thank You for putting into perspective how degrading this disease can be on a persons body. Ilike how you made the main character strong and you showed that even though, yes she will die, she will die with dignity and is livng the rest of the life she has left with dignity. Simply Amazing. Great job once again, and congrats! Please keep writing, im sure to be reading....


on Jul. 6 2009 at 7:47 pm
ThereIsAlwaysHope GOLD, Belfast, Other
19 articles 0 photos 82 comments

Favorite Quote:
'Miles to go before I sleep'
- Robert Frost

its sad, but amazing. x well done. x