Perfect | Teen Ink

Perfect MAG

February 10, 2009
By Kelsey Hill BRONZE, State University, Arkansas
Kelsey Hill BRONZE, State University, Arkansas
2 articles 1 photo 1 comment

The eyeliner makes the dark circles less pronounced. The lip gloss hides the trembling. The ponytail conceals missing patches of hair. The Abercrombie sweater covers bruises. I might look at bit thinner, but everyone will ask about my new diet. My hair might not shine the way it used to, but the pink ribbon will distract curious eyes. One hour of preparation and I look like myself. One hour of preparation and no one will know. One hour out of 24. Sometimes I wonder if it’s worth it – wasting a twenty-fourth of my day on a lie. But then I see my wispy hair and baggy eyes, and I have to do it.

Checking my makeup one last time, I push my sleeves up, though not past my elbows. I slip on a cute pair of flats – heels are too dangerous with shaky legs – and grab my Hollister bag. Padding downstairs, I inhale the scent of waffles and syrup.

“Morning, Mom,” I call.

“Morning, baby,” she chirps. “Did you sleep well?”

“Better than I have been.”

She sighs, and her eyes look a hundred years old for a minute. “Any improvement is good,” she says half-heartedly.

“Of course.”

“I made waffles.” Her offering.

“Thanks, Mom. Smells delicious.” My offering.

I sit at the table and she hands me a plate. The thought of all that food turns my stomach, but I force a smile and thank my mother again. She busies herself at the sink and fills the silence with chatter. When she turns around, she takes in the waffles still on my plate, only missing a few bites. I smile apologetically.

“I’m not very hungry this morning.”

“You’ll need your strength for this afternoon.” She bites her lip. She doesn’t like to bring it up over breakfast. I eat another bite.

“I packed your lunch.”

“I’m 18, Mom. I can pack my own lunch. You have more important things to do.”

She reaches for the paper sack. “But now I know you’ll have something to eat. And you need to eat, okay? You have to keep your strength up.”

Sighing, I take the bag. I know this peanut butter and jelly sandwich won’t be eaten, not any more than the one yesterday or the day before. And even if I do eat it, I’ll just throw it up later. Anything consumed after 11 ends up in a plastic basin at 4:07. It’s just the way it works.

“Hon, have you thought about what I said the other day?” she asks.

I shrug noncommittally.

“Sweetheart, you can’t hide this forever. Eventually you’re going to miss school and people will start asking questions.”

“Mom, I have two months left of high school. I can make it ’til then. I’m class president and probably valedictorian. I was voted ‘Most popular,’ ‘Most fun to be around,’ ‘Best smile,’ and ‘Most likely to succeed.’ I’m the girl who’s got it all together. People don’t want to know that the girl who’s got it all together, doesn’t have it all together. People don’t want to know that girl is dying!”

“Honey, don’t say that. You’re not dying.”

“Yes, I am. I have cancer. You heard Dr. Morrison. I have maybe a year left. But that means I can graduate and then never see those people again. I’ll die and they’ll feel sorry for me, but at least I won’t have to endure their pity.”

“But …,” she tries to interrupt.

“Mom, listen to me. I don’t want to be the girl everyone looks at and whispers, ‘Look at her. Poor thing, she has cancer.’ I can’t handle that. I want to be normal. Just for these last two months.”

“Okay,” she whispers. “Okay. Just remember, it’s okay if you don’t have it all together. Sometimes things just fall apart and there’s nothing we can do.”

“Thanks, Mom.” I grab my bag and lunch and kiss her on the cheek. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” my mom replies. This exchange, once taken for granted, is now a vital part of every morning, every afternoon, every night. Three little words, followed by four more, have come to mean more than an entire conversation. They bridge all gaps and disagreements, because we both know there is now a finite number left.

Keys in hand, I open the door and blink in the early morning sun. My silver car waits in the driveway and as I walk toward it, I check my reflection in the tinted window. Perfect.

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This article has 836 comments.

Paige739 said...
on Dec. 10 2012 at 10:43 am
Paige739, Pensacola, Florida
0 articles 0 photos 2 comments
I thought it was well written, but the twist was abrubt; like others have said. I was thinking that her dad abused her, then when she said she threw up, I thought she may have an eating disorder, then it turned out she had cancer. Maybe try to make it a little more clear, but other than that it was great!(:

ChiannW said...
on Dec. 7 2012 at 3:23 pm
amazing i love how you put the details of how she looked and how her expressions were shown.  i would love to see another one of you writings magnificent!! :)

juneday GOLD said...
on Dec. 6 2012 at 5:36 pm
juneday GOLD, Barrington, Rhode Island
16 articles 1 photo 27 comments
I thought this was an interesting story...however I did have some criticisms. Like some others, i found the twist really abrupt...there were really no clues about her illness earlier, and like everyone else I assumed she had an eating disorder. Plus, i think you should have used less dialogue...the mother / daughter exchange felt reallly forced. I also think you should have expanded on her reasons for not wanting her classmates to know she had cancer. some details were unnecessary.

on Dec. 3 2012 at 6:13 pm
VelanedeBeaute GOLD, Sialkot, Other
11 articles 2 photos 27 comments

Favorite Quote:
I vow to shine, like a sapphire, some gem!
I promise, not to whine, but smile till the end.
The symphony of my life
like a violin I will play,
I would vouch,
Vehement to my life I lay.

An absolutely amazing tale foretold with just the right crunch and crisp of emotions. :) This serves to be the inspiration for my new story. 'Perfect!' :D 

on Dec. 2 2012 at 6:08 pm
ravenmysterious BRONZE, Athens, Alabama
3 articles 6 photos 4 comments
wow, that was very good. I thought she had a eating disorder (like everyone else said) then when i found out she had cancer i loved it even more, i just hope she doesn't die! lol  It was wonderful and very inspirational!

on Nov. 27 2012 at 7:55 pm
WordNinja SILVER, Sioux City, Iowa
9 articles 0 photos 1 comment

Favorite Quote:
"We drink and we dry up and now we crumble into dust"

Oh, my god. This was amazing. I actually almost cried! I had a grandfather who had cancer and this is such an accurate description! Great job!!! At first, I also thought she had an eating disorder, which led to a great twist!

JulesC GOLD said...
on Nov. 27 2012 at 7:47 pm
JulesC GOLD, Orlando, Florida
14 articles 0 photos 10 comments

Favorite Quote:
"It was cliché, he knew, but he meant it classic." ~S.E. Hinton (Some of Tim's Stories)

Great story. At first I thought that the girl had an eating disorder, though. Keep up the good work!

on Nov. 27 2012 at 1:13 pm
This is a really welll written story, I like how she is striving for perfection to impress everyone else when her own world is falling apart.

BellaCharlie said...
on Nov. 24 2012 at 5:26 pm
BellaCharlie, Osler, Other
0 articles 0 photos 16 comments

Favorite Quote:
Nothing is impossible, the word itself says 'I'm possible'!
-Audrey Hepburn

When I first read this I thought the main character had an eating disorder, but then you mentioned that she had cancer – I liked the twist, not everything is as it seems. Great job!

on Nov. 7 2012 at 10:23 pm
KewlBeans12 BRONZE, Lakewood, Washington
2 articles 0 photos 1 comment

Favorite Quote:
if you want something done you gotta do it yourself.

okay at first before i finished reading i was assuming she had a eating disorder but! i was surprised to find she had cancer. very well written... well indeed!

on Nov. 7 2012 at 7:07 pm
seppydesoto BRONZE, Hemet, California
4 articles 0 photos 7 comments

Favorite Quote:
“Nothing is impossible, the word itself says 'I'm possible'!”
― Audrey Hepburn

This was such a help to me! An extremely important person in my life is struggling with cancer right now, thanks so much for righting this. you have no idea how much of a help it was to me.

on Oct. 29 2012 at 9:21 am
adsfagadsfw423, Adsfad, Vermont
0 articles 0 photos 1 comment
Great story! The ending made me tear up. At first, though, I thought the girl had an eating disorder, not cancer. I think you should imply in the beginning that her dark circles, bruises, etc. were caused by a disease she couldn't control. Your use of dialogues is great too, but it did feel like you overused them...maybe replace some of them with the girl's personal feelings.

on Oct. 25 2012 at 3:22 pm
intrepidechoes SILVER, Dover, New Hampshire
5 articles 0 photos 10 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Logic will get you from A to B. Imagination will take you everywhere." -Albert Einstein

I think it was fantastic!

on Oct. 25 2012 at 1:52 pm
HorseFeathers151 SILVER, Amarillo, Texas
5 articles 0 photos 8 comments

Favorite Quote:
Actions, faces,names, and money are all forgotten in time. Words, words will last forever.

Beautiful peice! I loved it a lot and it brought tears to my eyes. A suggestion however, would be to have the character feel thing's instead of just stating them. It would really help others relate to the character and pull them into the story a bit more. 

on Oct. 24 2012 at 9:49 am
NoMercy666 BRONZE, Goose Creek, South Carolina
2 articles 0 photos 11 comments

Favorite Quote:
"It aint no sin to be glad you're alive." -Springsteen

u r stoopid dis piece wuz bootiful

somrics said...
on Oct. 23 2012 at 10:38 am
somrics, Goose Creek, South Carolina
0 articles 0 photos 4 comments
There was a lack of real emotion. The character tells too much instead of showing the reader. The characters were not developed well enough for us to feel any kind of emotional connection. You do make use of proper grammar.The setting seem like it is a real place.The imagery was misleading when she was describing herself, making the readers think something else was wrong with her. There wasn't really a well defined plot, making the story unable to go anywhere.The ending seemed rushed and the part with her saying "...I have cancer.", seemed like too much too soon. There should have been more of a lead up to the revealing of her having cancer. It seemed like they had the same conversation every day.

on Oct. 23 2012 at 10:38 am
notquitesoquaint, Moncks Corner, South Carolina
0 articles 0 photos 4 comments

Favorite Quote:
"How dare you sitdown to write when you have not stood up to live."

The main character is extremely difficult to relate to. She isn't developed properly, and not enough foundation is laid to build a connection with her. All the reader knows is that the main character has cancer, and we are mislead to belive that she has an eating disorder until she told us that she has cancer. The narrorator states: " I know this peanut butter and jelly sandwhich won't be eaten...and even if i do eat it, I'll just throw it up later." This leads the reader to believe that she doesn't want to eat, not that she is unable. Overall, the story needs to be consistant in mood, tone, and character development.

on Oct. 23 2012 at 10:37 am
MasteroftheTroll, Goose Creek, South Carolina
0 articles 0 photos 6 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Hell is other people." Jean-Paul Sartre

The imagery was there, some was unneccessary " heels are too dangerous with the shaky legs- and grab my Hollister bag" describied things that were already put in place by other descriptions. You need to show dont tell. The dialogue you used I found realistic in some ways. Other times the mother daughter conversation became too forced and as a reader I did not feel much sympathy for your main character because of that. Speaking of your main character i found her misleading in the descriptions that described her illness, which I'm sure some readers mistook as aneroxia and or bulimia. As a reader I didn't find cancer as a good twist. Futhermore, saying "Yes, I am. I have cancer..." was not a good way to let the reader know. All in all the plot did not come full circle and did not leave me feeling sympathy because it simply was not relatable. However, it was an okay read. :)

MSBCBB said...
on Oct. 23 2012 at 10:37 am
MSBCBB, Goose Creek, South Carolina
0 articles 0 photos 8 comments
I liked it. You held off the fact she had cancer which kind of threw me off.  I thought she was anorexic. You had good imagery and you avoided cliches up until, "Perfect." It was unessacary. She already explained what happpened if people can't read she's covering up then you didn't show them properly. You avoided awkward wording and unessacary big words that could've thrown the reader off.

on Oct. 23 2012 at 10:36 am
NoMercy666 BRONZE, Goose Creek, South Carolina
2 articles 0 photos 11 comments

Favorite Quote:
"It aint no sin to be glad you're alive." -Springsteen

Though the idea of imperfection is widely felt among young adults and people in general it's become a very written about topic. The story's lacking of emotion between the characters doesn't make me feel anything for them, but I know it should. The description in the first paragraph was done really well, "The eyeliner makes the dark circles less pronounced. The lip gloss hides the trembling. The ponytail conceals missing patches of hair." That's a good way to show that something is wrong with her, although misleading, it was interesting in the beginning. Your use of vocabulary was decent, it was apparent that you didn't go search a thesaurus for bigger words. But I did feel the conversation between the mother and daughter was almost "clipped", if someones daughter really had cancer they'd be more eager to spend time together, rather than give her advice for school. I feel like you approached this story with the mind set of writing about a teenage girl with an eating disorder then decided to just go with cancer about half way through, if it were intentional to create more emotion it was uneffective. I felt that overall the story was cliche and only averagely written. There's still potential to get a decent story out of this, it's not completely a waste of words. (: