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Thoughts of a Gunshot Victim
March 8, 2009
He heard an angel calling his name. That was what it sounded like, at least. The blinding pain filled his chest. He knew that it hadn?t entered into his heart, not his lungs, but somewhere still vital.
Things were fading. Sounds, objects, the voice (for there was only one) and his life. It was all fading.
His heart was faltering, and he smiled and closed his eyes.
© Alex D., Phoenix, AZ
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This article has 9 comments.
It's way too long to post on teenink, so that will probably not be happening. However, almost everything fiction on here is an excerpt, except for Departing, Coming Home, She Sabotaged my Suicide Attempt, and One Action, Many Consequences. Just click on "more by this author" and you'll find plenty of material from my series.
bubbasamantha GOLD said...
on Jul. 24 2009 at 5:16 pm
A good start, but I think you could do a little more. Maybe you were going for the whole keeping it short and sweet thing, but in my opinion I think it would be better if you added onto it! Maybe talk about how he was shot, why he was shot? You know, give a little more information on the situation. Just a little advice! Overall, very nice!
Denae Worcester BRONZE said...
on Apr. 15 2009 at 4:36 am
Good job.
You accomplished a lot in a short while. You could leave it as is (though it defintely needs the title to better explain the situation!) or you could add it to a story somewhere else. You're very descriptive.
You accomplished a lot in a short while. You could leave it as is (though it defintely needs the title to better explain the situation!) or you could add it to a story somewhere else. You're very descriptive.
