The alarm clock started like always, 6:30 AM. My eyes flutter open, I’m so tired, I roll back over away from my phone. As I close my eyes again Eric clouds my mind, everything about him. With his soft ocean-like blue eyes and perfect smile, I think then about football and seeing him almost every day. I smile at that thought. As my eyes start to close to drift back to sleep I hear my phone ding, over and over again. I ignore it for a few seconds, then finally look. It's my best friend Derek harassing me to get out of bed, I assumed it was going to be him telling me to hang out with the group, I’ve been skipping on them to stay home, I text back. “Dude I slept like crap, need sleep.” When he responds back I jump out of bed, rushing to get ready. Today is the first day of Football season. Eric will be there.

I get to practice sweaty from running the few miles that I live from the school. As I approach the football field,  I see Eric his blue eyes looking up at me as he starts to run toward me. I stop, heaving in the cool morning air which feels like needles in my dry throat, My heart skips a beat, but I remember that I can’t feel this way toward him I can only be friends with him. As he gets closer Derek pats my back hard and grabs my shoulder straightening me. 

“Look who finally got out of bed, You know man if you had been hitting the gym with us you wouldn't be so out of breath,” Derek says with a stupid smile on his face, I laugh and look over to Eric, he’s standing there waiting to say something. My body tenses, What will he say?

“ Long time no see, Nice to see you here I miss you.” He says while leaning in to give me a bro hug that includes 5 hard pats on the back. As we hug my nose is flooded by an overwhelming smell. His smell, His old spice deodorant mixed with some sweat already. It makes my body shudder. Finally, I choke out.

“Yeah, I’ve missed you too,” my tone seems like I am entranced by him. However I shake myself out of it and walk towards the field., Eric knows me so well that I know he can tell some things up, I can’t show him I am in love with him though…

  “Well…” Eric starts but is cut off by the coach yelling at us to get our jerseys on and practice drills, it’s hard to focus. Eric's muscular form clouds my vision as we break up into positions, I’m so distracted Coach keeps yelling at me. These feelings have been here for years now, It feels so overwhelming, I can’t take it anymore. He’s all I want, I need to tell him. 

We’ve been practicing for two hours now, the coach pulls me aside to talk. “What's the matter with you, why are you so damn distracted?” Coach says in a way that makes me nervous.

“It's nothing, I’m just a bit tired.” I look over to see Derek with the rest of the guys, but I can’t see Eric. 

“Are you looking for Eric again? I saw the way you look at him, but remember he’s my son and an amazing player. Don’t screw this up for him” Coach tells me sternly staring directly into my eyes.

 “Are we done?” I ask the coach wanting to just get the hell out of there, to which he responds in a half nod half scoff. I jog to the guys, Derek laughs and then asks. 

“Jeez, coach pissed at you or sum?” 

“Nah just thinks I’m distracted, he’ll get over it,” I say in a half-pissed half worried manner. “Where is Eric?”Derek half listening nods his head in the direction of all of our cars. I break out in a run and see him, He notices I’m following and asks if I'm okay. I'm in such a daze I barely listen and as we get to his truck, I look around quickly to make sure no one can see us, and put my body up against him and kiss him, so passionately it feels like I am melting into his skin, and to my surprise, he kisses me back. I can’t hide anymore, I’m trying to enjoy this moment, it’s perfect but my fear is overwhelming, it’s when he pulls my also muscular frame closer to his that I enjoy the moment, and nothing else, is on my mind, only him. The feeling of his hands around me overwhelms me and I pull back feeling the need to tell him something. “ I love you, I’ve been wanting to do that for so long, I didn’t know how you felt…” My rant stops when he pulls my lips back to his, it's rough at first but softens and the salty taste of his sweat fills my mouth, I then feel a tear roll down his cheek. 

“I love you too, I was scared too, we both know my dad wouldn’t lnt let this happen but It’s okay, you’re all I want and we graduate next year anyways so who cares?” Eric says between sobs. I don’t say anything more, I just scan the area making sure his dad/coach doesn’t see us. Eric isn’t ready for that conversation, I just hold him, hoping to provide some comfort until he’s ready to go back and tell the guys.

After holding each other for a few minutes we run back to practice hands held, why should I hide when the love of my life is by my side now? Everyone is in disbelief and phones are taken out, pictures are taken some laughter. I don’t care though,  Coach isn’t there which was something I was worried about but gives me a sense of relief to see him now. But my love is more important than their opinion. I feel him squeeze my hand and I start to yell. “ Boys I don’t care what you think of me, you wanna bully me now I don't care. This is me and I do not want to feel trapped or like I’m not me. I’ve known for years that this is me, Eric understands me, and I hope you guys will too soon, I want the support of my boys, but this is me. Accept me for me or don’t at all, your loss if you don’t. I’m the same person as before, and so is Eric.” I’m out of breath and anxious as hell when finally someone speaks up. Derek. “Man, we always knew, just from how your guy's friendship was, we always knew. We laugh because we were right.” Hearing him say this calms me. 

“Alright,” I say gently, starting to laugh along with everyone else, Eric does the same. I feel a smile spread across my face and look over to Eric he has a tear rolling down his cheek. We all huddle up and finish practicing talking about whatever we wanted. I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I feel loved for who I am, I want to feel the same with my family as well. This will be tough but I hope they accept me.