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Two Boys 2
A few days had past since I had returned home..and honestly i was better...better at pretending that I am fine and completely over James.
I knew thar no one would understand that I was still not over him so I pretendeed that I was.I acted happy and fine but when I went to bed..I went crazy and took out all the pictures,letters,gifts which everyone thought I had thrown away.
I just couldn't forget him because he had always been an important part of my life..he had been there when I had a fight with my best girl friend, he was there then I was scolded by the teachers and he was there when my parents got divorced. He helped me deal with it..I spent many hours crying on his shoulder with him stroking my hair....how can anyone expect me to forget him???
I had not just lost a boyfriend, i had lost my very best friend too.
Everyone believed that I was over him, my mom, my friends but the saddest part was that even James believed that I was okay with it.
But I was also glad that he believed me because I knew that if he knew what I was going through he probably would stop talking to me so that I could get over him, and I did not want to lose him again...we were trying to be friends again and I was trying to live with that.
Yet I hated picking up the phone and not say what I want to like telling him I lov-
My cell started to play his ringtone which was 'crazier' by taylor swift..i wondered if I would ever change it.
"Hey wats up??"
"Nuthing..was just getting bored so I thought I would call you..so wats going on??"
"I just got back from the Inn''
''Ya..you told me...how was it??"
''It was great..the place was soooo beautiful!!!!!..it was all fields and an amzin lake..and this pretty awesome tree house...and i loved Mrs. Thomas..she was so nice to me..and I made a friend too..."
"sorry my call waiting just went off, thats probably Amanda..I'll talk to you later..bye"
The phone went dead, I muttered I love you to the dial tone and threw it away and started to cry.
I wanted things things to how they used to be soo bad...I loved spending time with you and I honestly could not believe that a hot girl could come and change everything....we knew each other from childhood and I loved and trusted you and how can she change that???
You were asked out by other girls also and you always told me that you did not care about them cause we were special.
I knew we were....when i hugged you it always felt like home..comfortable and familiar...maybe you did'nt like comfortable or familiar..so why did you say that you did??
I felt like you were a stranger...everything that I thought about you was different..I couldn't understand who were you now because I know that you are not who you are trying to be for her.
But i knew you..you were scared..scared of where we were going and thats when that girl came in your life..but she knows nothing about you.
she only sees the guy you are in public..the cool, laid back and hot guy.
I know the real you..the guy inside you who is vunerable, the guy who fears rejection.
I know your favorite color, your schedule, what you do when you tell your mom you are doing your homework.
I know that you scared of rats and that you wont admit it in public and that it would ruin your man image. I know how much you love your brother and how sad you were to see him go.I know that when you are really sad you love going to the basketball ground and you play like the world depends on it.
I know that when you rub your hands you are scared and when you run your hands through your hair you are nervous and when you are angry you pout like a girl.
I know you inside out.
You knew me the same way.
That can't be changed and it shouldn't be.
My cell started ringing and like a fool I thought it was you, I quickly grabbed it and saw the number, immediately I felt a different kind of pain.
"Hey Peter, I'm really sorry,I shouldn't have run away like that, it was just that I was so scared, I never saw you as anything except my friend so I got nervous and I said that but I guess I was so nervous that I did not know what I was saying, I said I have a boyfriend but what I should have said was that I am not ov-
"You are babbling you know,"he said,"and I guess I shouldn't have surprised you like that. I guess I just took an impulsive decision thinking that I won't see you again but I was dumb, come on we'll do this like we planed. So I guess we should meet up at the entry gate at coney island..what do you think??
"well you should really know tha-"
"oh! If your boyfriend doesn't like you to go alone with guys,bring him also and i'll bring some of mine..." his voice had taken a bitter edge which I had never heard before.
"but if you will listen"
"please Is, this is as close to the old times we can get," his voice was no longer bitter but it was sad, and I couldn't bear it so I said ok without even thinking.
After I said yes I could hear my friend Peter in his voice and not some stranger.
"And by the way,what is the name of your boyfriend??"
This was the time I could tell him that I had said the wrong thing, and this was what I was trying to explain, I did not have a boyfriend but before I could say any of this stuff I blurted out "James, his name is James Brandon."
"well,I'll see you guys tomorrow at 5"
What was I supposed to do now??
Grand Rapids, Michigan
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It aint no thang but a chicken wang
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Its not denial. I'm just very selective about the reality I accept. - Calvin
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"LIVE FAST DIE YOUNG"
but good :)