My Hearts Dance and Downfall Part 1 | Teen Ink

My Hearts Dance and Downfall Part 1

December 10, 2010
By KellyR GOLD, Richmond, Virginia
KellyR GOLD, Richmond, Virginia
14 articles 0 photos 258 comments

Favorite Quote:
We don't read and write poetry because it's cute. We read and write poetry because we are members of the human race. And the human race is filled with passion. And medicine, law, business, engineering, these are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance, love, these are what we stay alive for.

My shoulder was pressed against his chest as we both moved forward with the flow of surrounding people. Of course this meant nothing in these crowded hallways. This touch was so insignificant he probably didn’t think of anything except being late to his next class. To me, this moment would probably be the highlight of my day. How pathetic am I? I could still feel the heat of his touch after he turned and left towards the hallway of his destination. My heart sank as I continued deliberate the fact that the beautiful moment I just experienced meant absolutely nothing to the person I just shared it with. I was just some girl he got squished up against in the hallway because of our overpopulated school. For all he knew that could have been the first time he ever saw me. I of course knew that wasn’t true, but that might be because I preserve every instance he is within a one classroom radius of me. He is probably unaware of the fact that we had study hall together last year. The row of desks he was in sat facing mine, so I spent many of my study halls watching him. He was so out of my league I couldn’t even fantasize about us one day being together. He is a senior, precisely one grade above me. He is attractive, super nice, has amazing grades, is the student body president, voted most honorable student by teachers, adored by the students… and his girlfriend. His girlfriend honestly doesn’t bother me. If it wasn’t her it would be one of the million other perfect girls that go to this school. Girls he notices, girls he thinks are pretty, girls that are as smart as he is, girls that are not me. It feels like this boy that doesn’t even know I exist should slip from my mind, and that boy that always stares at me in English should take his place, but he doesn’t. He never moves, never budges, solid as stone lodged in my mind and my heart. I finally reached my classroom and the many thoughts that pulsed through my brain had to be put on hold.

My day endlessly shuffled on until I reached my last class of the day, study hall. Most juniors that had study hall last period got to go home early instead of being stuck in an incandescent, muggy classroom with babbly freshman. I unfortunately had no means of transportation. I always allege that I am the only upperclassmen without a car, but I know that’s an exaggeration. My wallowing about my unfortunate lack of car broke of when the teacher called my name for attendance. I replied with a simple, “Here”, then adverted my attention to the clock. The clock froze which happened all the time in this classroom. I felt like it was teasing me. “That’s right you’re stuck in here forever!” taunted the clock. I decided to not give the intimate object the satisfaction it wanted. I looked through my backpack for something to occupy my time. I had left my copy of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows at home so reading was not an option. I couldn’t aimlessly surf the web because my computer was dead. That left me with pencil and paper. I took out a sheet and carefully placed it on the center of my desk. I stared at it for what felt like a long time but in reality was probably only a minute or so. My plan was to doodle but nothing came to my mind to draw. The only thing that came to my mind was him, Chase, the boy in the hallway. So, I scribbled down his name. I wasn’t the kind of girl that wrote a guy’s name in a heart with a bunch of little romantic hearts surrounding it. In fact most of the girls that did that made me want to puke up the peanut butter and jelly sandwich I had for lunch. Though, there his name sat on my paper, plain and simple. I decided to let myself write about him. Write about what happened today in the hallway. Write about everything I felt towards him. What was the worst that could happen?

I stomped into school angry the next morning. What was everyone’s problem? Every single person was staring at me and not with just a glance trying to make it seem like they weren’t. No, they were intensely gawking at every move I made with no intention of trying to hide it. Did I not have pants on? Was there something in my teeth? Was I punched in the face by the Pope last night, but had amnesia of the whole event? I saw my friend Mia out of the corner of my eye, and I knew my questions would be answered. “Hey,” she said hesitantly as if I had a disease she did not want to catch. “What is it? Why is everyone acting so weird?” I asked desperately. She paused for a long time before she gave me the whole explanation. Apparently, that note I had written dumping my feelings out for Chase had escaped my possession, and fell into the hands of some unsuspecting student who couldn’t wait to post it on Facebook. I automatically reached into my backpack and felt the truth of the matter. I felt not crinkled up piece of paper on my fingertips, but the emptiness of my now dead social life. What happened? Did it fall out of my backpack? Was I stupid enough to leave it just sitting there on the desk? My appalling thoughts were interrupted by the hoard of obnoxious boys taunting me from a few feet away. This moment couldn’t possibly get worse. And just so that I could be proven wrong by the forces of nature, things did get worse. More and more people joined in on the gibes, until my stomach just couldn’t take it anymore. I was going to puke, and there was no escaping it. Whether or not I was going to make it out of there before that happened was the real question. I made it to the, thankfully empty, girls bathroom and let my body do what it ultimately wanted. I thought this sort of stuff only happened in the movies.

This day just simply wouldn’t end. At least I had made it to my final class of the day. The class that, just twenty four hours ago, had destroyed me. I glared at the clock. “This is all your fault!”, I whispered. Talking to myself probably wasn’t helping my case, but people already thought I was weird, so what the heck. I sat there for at least a solid minute before I decided I couldn’t take it anymore. I had to get out of this room and fast. I asked my teacher to go to the nurse’s office, and wonder the empty halls. At least then I could be alone. I made several laps around the hallways, and even stopped to bend down and the water fountain and get a drink before I decided I was tired of this section of the school. I wandered deeper into the hallways, reading signs out of boredom. I turned the corner of the
200’s hallway and there was a person walking this way from the opposite direction. It was too late to turn around or else it would be obvious I was avoiding them. If I had known who it was at that moment I would have done it anyway. I walked a couple feet forward and my eyes fixed who the mystery person was. My stomach dropped, my cheeks turned hot, and I tried to hold back tears. It was Chase, which I should have guessed with my luck. This big empty hallway had just the two of us in it. I didn’t want to look at him so I stared straight ahead. It felt like a lifetime before I was just a few feet in front of him. I just had to take a peek at his face. I just had to know what he was thinking. I looked up and he was scrutinizing my face. He was probably trying to figure out if I was the crazy girl that was in love with him. After a few moments he finally passed, and I felt like two cinderblocks had just been lifted off me. I let a huge sigh, only for it to be interrupted by my gasp. I felt a hand on my shoulder. I could have sworn it was just Chase and I in the hallway. “Hey!” he said a bit too loud for the silent hallways. I turned around, and to my surprise it was him. The boy I love. The boy that thought I was crazy. I just kind of stupidly stared at him for a minute, before I could whisper out a greeting. “Uh, hi, uh” I said as if I was a foreigner. He let out a meager chuckle and continued. “You’re that girl right? Um, June is it?” I just nodded. “Well, listen I’m really sorry about how everyone has been treating you. I told them to stop, though I’m not sure it will help.” I grumbled out thanks and turned around to head in the direction I was going, but he grabbed my shoulder before I could leave. “Listen, I know what will make you feel better,” he said, “I will take you to the little café down the street and buy you a cup of coffee.” The offer hung in the air and I wanted desperately to snatch it. The word yes rang so loud in my ears I barely think. “I don’t know…I…. um I don’t think…” I babbled on like an incompetent fool. “Come on, I promise it will be fun”, he pleaded. “Alright.”, I said more solidly than I had spoken the whole conversation. I could feel my face burning with excitement, fear, and wonder, as he put his hand on my back and led me to his car.

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This article has 2 comments.

KellyR GOLD said...
on Sep. 30 2011 at 11:05 am
KellyR GOLD, Richmond, Virginia
14 articles 0 photos 258 comments

Favorite Quote:
We don't read and write poetry because it's cute. We read and write poetry because we are members of the human race. And the human race is filled with passion. And medicine, law, business, engineering, these are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance, love, these are what we stay alive for.

I don't really know when I will have time for part two. I know I posted this sooooo long ago, but life is hectic. I hopefully will get around to it sooner or later, and I hope you will be here to read it! Thanks!

on Dec. 15 2010 at 5:39 pm
AlwaysAlmostPerfect, Casper, Wyoming
0 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The biggest mistake a man can make is to be afraid to make one."

-Fortune Cookie
"Speak your mind, even if your voice shakes."

-Maggie Kuhn

I absolutely love it!!! Wheres part two!!?? :)