I remember the day like it was sometime last week. Not too clearly but it hasn’t left my memory yet. It was faded in my brain like an etch a sketch. You know when you try to erase it and it does erase but it’s still there? Well it’s one of those memories. It was a warm evening in the beginning of June. The sun was just about to set. The sky looked like it was splattered in light purple, pink, orange, and blue paint. It looked like a work of art done by a true artist such as Picasso, Monet, or Lady Gaga. We were laying in a field of green grass greener than the bag of UTZ sour cream and onion chips. The moment was perfect. Birds were flying home to their nests, the sun was setting, and a picnic of ants was crawling into my potato salad AFTER I was done with it. The moment was perfect. I was having a perfect picnic, with a perfect sunset, with the perfect guy who I think may propose to me tonight. I heard he has important news to discuss with me. Why else would he take me on a picnic? I wore my new baby blue Bebe dress and blue Jimmy choo heels which were a gift from Ryan for my birthday. We’ve been together for practically two whole years and met at the end of my freshmen year of college. Ryan had perfect grey eyes and sun kissed brown hair. Our kids would be totes gorgeous. He opens his mouth. I think he’s going to propose “oh em gee.”
“Look Jessica, from the moment I met you I knew that you were perfect for me. You always make me the perfect tuna sandwiches to take eat for lunch. You always send cute little texts and leave cute letters on my wind shield for me to read. We go on the best dates. And the past two…two-ish years have been amazing…”
“YES OF COURSE I’LL MARRY YOU.”
“Marry me what are you talking about?”
“WAIT what are you talking about? You weren’t going to propose?”
“Look if I wanted to marry anyone, it’d be you Jessica. You really are perfect. But I don’t know if…if we can…”
“IF WE CAN WHAT HUH? YOU WANT SOMEONE ELSE DON’T YOU?”
“Yes. Well no. Well let me explain to you in a calm way. Calm down sweetheart. You remember all the times I stayed over at your house during the holidays and remember thanksgiving and Christmas….”
“Oh my god! You f***ing cheated on me didn’t you? Who was it? Was it with Libby she is my best friend but she’s a f***ing skank. OH MY GOD I’M GONNA F***ING KILL HER.”
“No it’s not Libby. Calm down Babe…”
“No. Don’t “babe” me you have no right. Was it my sister? Really you’d sleep with a high schooler? She’s only 17 you know. I can press charges for statuary rape.”
“It was actually…Jake.”
“Oh. WAIT JAKE? My brother?? You LIKE MY BROTHER?”
The only thing that came to my mind after that was “Oh my god I just turned a guy gay.” No other guy will want to be with me because I’m such a bad girlfriend the guys seem to go gay after. I couldn’t say anything more after that. I quickly ran with my picnic basket into my silver g37 and sped away at 95. That night when I went back to my parents’ house since it is summer break, I ran upstairs into my room and locked myself in. Thank god Jake’s sleeping over at his “girlfriends.” Hmm.