“Look, I’m leaving soon. You don’t need to deal with this right now,” he said breaking away from the kiss. “It’s best if we just leave this alone,” he said this, looking past me, anxiously searching the sky ahead, like he wanted to be with the stars or something. But all I wanted was to be with him. Randy Parker had been my best friend since the second grade when he transferred to my grade school. With his all American dusty blonde hair and those ocean blue eyes, it was completely inevitable that girls would be all over him. He could play football too and now that senior year was over, I knew that he would take that dumb old scholarship and leave me all alone in “nowhere,” Wyoming, as he called it. He would be a star and I would just be his old pal that he’d send Christmas cards too. Randy always dreamt big, and me…well, I was perfectly content where I was. I had ma and pa; my pup, Peanut; a nice chevy truck, and a bonfire pit. I’d go to the local community college and then continue working on the family farm. But Randy, he wanted more. He wanted excitement. And although I was content, I wanted him more than anything. I always had.

“Randy…” I began, “I don’t want to let this alone. I’ve always liked you as more than a friend, and I think you know that now too, considering I just kissed you…” I always babbled when I was nervous. D***. I sounded like an idiot.

“I know, Cathy, and I like you too. You’re my number one girl, but…”

“But I’m not enough, right?”
I could feel the tears hanging from my lashes, and then tickling my cheeks as they streamed down. “It’s just…my whole life, I’ve had this wanting feeling and until I get rid of it, I don’t think I can stay here.” His gaze shifted away from the purple and blue sky, back to me. To my lips. “Trust me, Cath, you’ve been a great friend and I-I love you…”
He said he loves me. Randy Parker loves me, I thought.

“…but I’ve got to get out of here. I’ll come back though. I just got to get through college and make a name for myself.”

“You’ll come back for me, Randy?” I whimpered, the tears blurring my vision. Randy smoothed my hair away from my face and tucked it behind my ear.

“Course I will, you’re my girl,” he said distractedly, his eyes once again hunting the skies for something that I didn’t know existed.

Six years later, and that’s my last memory of Randy Parker, whose name I have not heard since Mrs. Talleyrand called his name at Senior graduation. And here I sit, out in the backyard, where I once had that impulse to kiss my childhood crush. I look up at the clear sky, and stare at those stars he so loved to look at. I wonder if in downtown Chicago he can see how perfect the night is, with all those city lights burning up the night sky. I don’t think he can. I really don’t know much about him at all anymore. It’s a shame to lose a first love and best friend all in one. Especially when you’ve wasted years on them. I sigh as I say goodbye to Randy Parker, watching all six of his Christmas cards burn; consumed by the flames of my fire pit.