X,
My mom walked in this morning, shouting and shaking me from my sleep. She said I was screaming your name. Repeatedly. My body was shaking and I was crying. For some reason, I couldn't find out why.
After sitting up through some hours of the dark night, I finally could recall the dream the terrified me.
But, why? - I asked myself- Why, be so scared over the dream?
X, do you remember that time we were in the field? The one outside of your house that was hidden by the trees?
Well... that was my dream. So, I'll tell you for remembrance sake.
You and I were lying in the clearing on the Sunday afternoon. My eyes were observant to everything that day: the way the sun was shining and blitzing off the tree tops, the way a piece of grass was poking me in the elbow and tickling me the tiniest bit (but not enough to bother me) , or the way your white t- shirt clung to you in a manner that made me a bit jealous that I couldn't be so natural like you.
Your blue eyes searched my face for emotion and at that moment I felt naked. Like you could see everything I did or felt or imagined. My instincts told me that you knew exactly how I felt about you. You knew everything.
I guess the reason that I dreamt this was because- if you recall- it was the first time you told me you loved me.
"I love you," you said. Your lips formed around those three words perfectly.
"I love you too," I whispered and never in my life had those words been so naturally spoken. Every little high school fling or long distance relative never gave me a abdomen full of butterflies when I said this.
That was how I determined that what we had was real.
After that scene played itself in my head, I awoke to my mother's screeching. The reason- I presume- that I had been crying and shaking was because I remembered reality. That you're gone and I don't know what's going on in your life. I don't know it you've found another girl or if your alive or... dead.
I don't know anything.
Please, for the sake of a good nights sleep, let me know something.
- G