“Darling your name should be Roxanne like the song of The Police.” I smoked away. She was truly the Roxanne in my life.
Love is the taste of hemlock in my tongue. I am not like the others, who only seek pleasure. I want more. But my Antonia shall never give me more. I looked around my apartment; filled with empty bottles of alcohol. I can’t manage to read the names in the bottles. I crawled to my dirty bed, grabbed a bottle and started to sing.
“Roxanne
You don't have to wear that dress tonight
Walk the streets for money
You don't care if it's wrong or if it's right”
I cried. My hands rubbed my swollen eyes. I managed to get on the bed. I looked at the concrete wall. I had written her name more than a thousand times.
“Antonia.” I cried her name; again and again. I started to see. To see all she had done to me; all I had done to her. I remembered the worst day of our lives.

“Are you stupid? … Pal, her job is what it is. You can’t change it; she is a vile creature of the night. She is unable to love. Heartless.” My best friend placed his hand on my shoulder. I knew he was right, at least in my mind. We looked at each other and spoke a while about politics.
I searched my pocket for my red Malboro box. I opened it and offered my friend.
“Mathew, how long have you known her? Antonia?”
“It’s been about fifteen years.” I lit up my cigarette.
“How come you have never shown your feelings?” He lit up his.
“I suppose I am stupid… I waited so much.”
“Whatever man, just get her out today.”
“Why?”
“D*mmit! You never pay attention! Do you? Today we have the truck to get her out without getting in trouble.”
“True, true.”
“Will she know the meaning of love?” He scanned my face.
“I will… I will show her what love is.” I stood up and left. The need to see her again consumed my thoughts. To tenderly kiss her red lips. Her green cat eyes are the forest I get lost in. I need to hold her ardent Latina body once more. Antonia my one and only, how I wish I were your one and only. I want to marry you, to have a life with you. I practiced my pathetic speech in my head. I went to the front desk.
The manager was intimidating. His large face had two or more scars. He wore a sleeveless shirt; that exposed his huge muscles. “I want Antonia” The manager looked at me and laughed. He pointed to the blackboard behind him. Antonia: busy room # 235.
It was the third time I had seen that sign. The third time my heart broke a little. That sign meant she was with another; another man, not me. How I wish we hadn’t met like that… my pitiful fallen angel. My fist tightened, my heart ached, and my mind desired. I walked, each step took years. I knew what’ll happen next.
I knew her way to get to a man. She will wear her corset dress exposing not that much but the necessary to make you crazy. Her way of dancing makes whoever is watching speechless. The way she looks at you. Her cat eyes stare into you. The way she kisses; her red lips and her tongue. I can’t stand it. Not one more time. All the things she did to me…. To another. I saw the door, I took a deep breath and slammed the door open. I was brought down to my knees with such a horrifying view.
“What is it you want? You annoying brat. Stop following me, I’m working.” She snarled angrily. She was in her famous bright red corset dress kissing another’s lips. I stood up and snatched her from his caress.
“Hey man! Get your own b****.” I scowled at him.
“She is not a b****… you a**hole!” I finished my sentence with a powerful punch on his nose. As he fell to the ground, Antonia clenched on my arm. I kissed her beautiful forehead.
I carried her, eyes filled with tears, to my room. I kissed her lips. Angrily, I bit her lower lip. I pushed her body to the wall and saw her red lips bleed.
“What is it you want?” Her voice weakened as I grabbed her wrist. I yanked her towards me and whispered into her delicate ear.
“Darling your name should be Roxanne like the song of The Police.”
“¡Mi nombre es Antonia! You stupid boy! Let me go!” I looked at her and laughed, so did she.
“I can’t let you go. I love you.” Her eyes watched mine, confused. The manager bolted into the room, furiously looking at Antonia. I walked in front of her, protecting her.
“She is mine.”
“She doesn’t care for you. She does it for money. Give her back” He looked at her, calling her away with his view.
“Mine.” He punched my gut. The pain was unbearable but I knew one thing. I will do anything for Antonia. Even my life, to save hers.
“No! Please! Don’t hurt him” Antonia cried.
“Get out of my building; both of you filthy rascals.” He followed us to the door, throwing us things.
Standing out of the building I smiled.
“Now you’re mine; forever my darling.” She glared at me.
“You despicable mutt-blood…I don’t want anything to do with a low life like you. You barely have money to pay for food.”
“Is money all you care about? Don’t you know love? Antonia my one and only, how I wish I were your one and only. I want to marry you, to have a life with y…”
Her fierce slap tore my speech apart.
“I hope love is better than money… if not I’ll destroy you.” Her strong grip held my chin. Who would have thought a rose could have such sharp spikes?
“Stupid boy……. Why did you take so long; to get me out? I missed you.”
“I missed you too my love.”
We ran to the black truck. I held her tightly as my tears fell over her shoulder.
“¿Que paso? My love? Don’t cry! We are together and nothing or no one can change it.” She placed her soft hand in my face, whipping the tears. She kissed my lips one last time.

“YES it can change!” I shouted out of my memory. Oh Antonia, why? I stood up and screamed her name once more. It had all happened so quickly. My Antonia, my life, why not me instead? The only thing my angel left behind was her red corset dress. Her dress filled with every precious memory we had built together. Soon, my angel. Soon I will be by your side once more. I saw the dress once more; one last time I took it in my hands.
“Roxanne
You don't have to wear that dress tonight
Walk the streets for money
You don't care if it's wrong or if it's right”
I searched in my cabinet for it. I grabbed it and made sure the knot was tight. I took the corset dress one last time and placed it near my heart.
I jumped.